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Subject What being a TRUE Christian means. Love is as Strong as Death
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Original Message The purpose of life is to love, and not infatuation or romantic love, its to really love with your heart and soul. Love is like a snowflake, appearing the same at first glance, but when closely inspected they are all unique never to be formed the exact same way again. Love is like a flash of lightning, unexpected and unpredictable, bending twisting and turning. You hear it before it manifests itself. Love is like a flame, that start out small. It can warm you, feed you, or maim you, scar you, and kill you. When properly fueled that small flame can turn into a blaze, annihilating and consuming everything in its path. Love is like a sword, that can attack, defend, and intimidate. IF not properly trained, the user can kill themselves and die by there own sword. Properly trained, it can defend and kill others, or intimidate, not to mention your story of how you use that sword spreads to others, forming an opinion about you and touching many lives, good bad and ugly.

Rejoice at your suffering, suffering teaches you what really matters in life, it doesn't teach your mind, it teaches your heart and soul.

Jesus died because others were jealous and tried to hold onto power, and saw this bloke who truly loved others. instead of shrinking from others people jealousy hate and anger, he accepted it and loved anyways. He loved unconditionally. He died to teach you how to love, that is why he died for you. Follow Him, learn to love, learn to rejoice in your suffering. Learn to see the silver lining and beauty behind love in this fallen world. Perfect Love casts out fear.

Read the book of Ecclesiastes. It teaches that all is meaningless. Nothing done is new or original. It has been done and will be done again. It will not impress god. Our works will be forgotten, the works of our children will be forgotten. Our memory will be forgotten by others. The only thing you can hold onto is your integrity, and who you are as a person. Do not hold yourself up to Man's standards, of fame and success. Know yourself, persecute yourself and truly inspect yourself. Discard your masks, and triggers, swallow your pride. You will then began to act and feel like you should. You will suffer and go through the trials and tribulations that other true Christians go through. When you accept this and rejoice at this, then you will understand glory and be able to stand bold and confidently inside yourself and not be ashamed of who you are. We are ashamed we don't measure up to Man's standard of fame and success and how Man says we should love. Poppycock, its not about trying to impress others, its about staying true to yourself, the true you, and the you, that you truly want to be.

Do not fear that which can kill the body, Fear (respect) that which can kill the soul.

Jesus Appears to Thomas
…28Thomas replied, “My Lord and my God!” 29Jesus said to him, “Because you have seen Me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

Thomas had to see the Lords love, and gain wisdom of his suffering when Jesus looked at humanity. Thomas gained that same suffering Jesus had to a small degree. He touched Jesus's wounds. Blessed are those who Love unconditionally without seeing the hurt and pain caused by others who lust after power and fame. They can live ignorantly happy. With much wisdom comes much sorrow.

Have you ever loved somebody so much after you lost them, it destroys your own soul and drives you to madness and folly.

Once you regain your composure you realize your own foolishness, pouring your heart out getting nothing in return. This is true love. Its a warped twisted version of it, but it is a tiny seed of it. You make yourself vulnerable falling on your own sword, refusing to be comforted. This is when God shows his love towards you. You become dead to the world, your eyes are opened to mankinds love of wealth, fame, and power, and it sickens you. You maintain your love for that person, falling deeper and deeper just to be picked up again. In a word, your an Overcomer. Your definition and perspective of love changes. But you know you still loved her, although it was a youthful innocent love. Now its a much wiser and mature love than it was before. You have regrets you can't let go of, not giving 100% of yourself to that person when you had them and knowing they are better off without you.

When we respond anger with anger, we attack a person, we bring them down to exalt ourselves, increasing our pride. pride causes us to blind ourselves and become fools, hardening our hearts. If we respond with love, we convict that person, and they release their anger on themselves, destroying their own pride slowly, which opens their eyes to self inspection, repentance and love.

Matthew 5:38-40 New International Version (NIV)
Eye for Eye
38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’[a] 39 But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. 40 And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well.

I draw inspiration from a proverb.

Psalm 45[a]
For the director of music. To the tune of “Lilies.” Of the Sons of Korah. A maskil. A wedding song.
1 My heart is stirred by a noble theme
as I recite my verses for the king;
my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.

2 You are the most excellent of men
and your lips have been anointed with grace,
since God has blessed you forever.

3 Gird your sword on your side, you mighty one;
clothe yourself with splendor and majesty.
4 In your majesty ride forth victoriously
in the cause of truth, humility and justice;
let your right hand achieve awesome deeds.
5 Let your sharp arrows pierce the hearts of the king’s enemies;
let the nations fall beneath your feet.
6 Your throne, O God,[c] will last for ever and ever;
a scepter of justice will be the scepter of your kingdom.
7 You love righteousness and hate wickedness;
therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions
by anointing you with the oil of joy.
8 All your robes are fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia;
from palaces adorned with ivory
the music of the strings makes you glad.
9 Daughters of kings are among your honored women;
at your right hand is the royal bride in gold of Ophir.

10 Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention:
Forget your people and your father’s house.
11 Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord.
12 The city of Tyre will come with a gift,[d]
people of wealth will seek your favor.
13 All glorious is the princess within her chamber;
her gown is interwoven with gold.
14 In embroidered garments she is led to the king;
her virgin companions follow her—
those brought to be with her.
15 Led in with joy and gladness,
they enter the palace of the king.

16 Your sons will take the place of your fathers;
you will make them princes throughout the land.

17 I will perpetuate your memory through all generations;
therefore the nations will praise you for ever and ever

My tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.

I am not good at speaking, but i can express myself through writing.

My name, is the name of Jesus, I know I am on the right path of knowing his name. One night when i was reading Psalms 45, i felt this overwhelming since of love and peace.

My memory of my life and love for this woman, will be perpetuated and outlive all generation because it was true love. Nothing can take that away from me. I remember having these dream where i saw this spirit face to face, and had a conversation with it/him. It looked like me, (maybe i was speaking to my own soul that night). I remember immediately afterward feeling this warm water spread over me. I was wet one second and dry the next. I felt this power, this power I knew nothing could stand in the way of. Immedietely after my baptism, i laid down to go to sleep, and this voice I recognized as the devil came to me. I was slightly afraid, but confident. I then went to sleep and forgot about my baptism until a few months later.

Jesus replied, “I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit.

Ever since then, i have undergone suffering. Lost everything I had, mentally and physically. I lost all my possessions. Lost my father (he abandoned me emotionally), lost my mother (she succommed to a mental illness, bipolar schizophrenia). I lost all who i thought was my friends. I lost my insanity, and was driven to folly and madness, being committed twice to a mental hospital. I've been insulted, saying i've been brainwashed by religion, and been made a sheep.

I know deep down God/Jesus is doing something with me, this is my witness and my testimony. I've been on the brink of homelessness and disaster. I've attempted suicide twice. I've had this passive deathwish for 6 years now (love is as strong as death). Every time, god has found a way to pull me through, to stand me up again, when all i want to do is lay down and die and give up. I'm kicking and screaming and resisting god's will, but he won't give up on me, he keeps dragging me through these trials and tribulations. Everytime he reforms me with the fires of life and love, i gain a new perspective. It is truly beautiful and torturous. If it wasn't for God's love and loyalty for me, and the love I possess for this woman, i'd be dead and gone by now.

Good "Nag Hammadi Library" for Gnostic texts. (gospel of thomas, secret book of james, gospel of mary, etc, gospel of judas, etc.)

Gnostic Texts (early christian writing)

Don't forget to check out the Apocrypha (lost books of the bible, taken out by Early Protestants).

The book of Wisdom is a good read, written by King Solomon

Today/Modern day christian teaches fear, trying to control you. True Christianity is about peace and brotherhood. Helping others deal with their problems. Looking at each others triggers and figuring out the reason behind their anger.

if you seek god, and get no reply. obvious reply. keep seeking. he is testing your will and your patience. to see if your heart is truly sincere or looking for a bandaid. The longer you seek, the more signs you see. listen to that still small voice inside of you. dont listen to preachers, dont listen to people quoting bible verses without explaining them.

True christians preach understand, peace, and love. i can quote a million verses, spin them 7 different ways, yet if your heart is not prepared first, you will be blind to the true teaching.

False prophets preach fear eternal hell, and pain and punishment. the punishment that is coming is self inflicted, its not what god does to you, its how you feel after its all said and done. Let go of your pride, bitterness, and anger. It does not happen overtime, it is a process.

Ok, so you don't like religion, but your angry and want something true. How do you start? Look at your past, your life, discover who you are as a person behind your masks, your triggers. Have a honest conversation with yourself. Discover your negative traits, your weaknesses, your strengths. work on your negative side, find the silver lining. That is crucifying the flesh that jesus teaches.

When you discover your true self, your faults and strengths, you then can began living a life to slowly work on your faults. If you desire knowledge and understand, your eyes will start to open to the true meaning of the word.

If jesus taught plainly, instead of parables (riddles/symbolism) Todays leaders would not let scriptures survive.

Today's religions are fighting each other over pride, and arrogance, jockeying for power. The culture has evolved to be a dog eat dog world, just as the bible said it would. you are a product of that, and when your frustrating of seeking god falls short, you start growing bitter. Take heed what you hear and how you hear.

If anybody comes to you preaching fear, and spouts random bible verses without backing it up, pay them no heed. If a blind man leads a blind man, they both fall into a pit.

that is what religious leaders do today, they are blind, teaching what they learned from their parents and their grandparents.

Its like that game you played when you were younger, you tell somebody a secret, they tell another person, and by the time you hear, its entirely different. Now imagine 2000 years and longer of that game. That is what has happened.

The Witness of Scripture
(Luke 16:19-31)

39You pore over the Scriptures because you presume that by them you possess eternal life. These are the very words that testify about Me, 40yet you refuse to come to Me to have life.

41I do not accept glory from men, 42but I know you, that you do not have the love of God within you. 43I have come in My Father’s name, and you have not received Me; but if someone else comes in his own name, you will receive him. 44How can you believe if you accept glory from one another, yet do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?

45Do not think that I will accuse you before the Father. Your accuser is Moses, in whom you have put your hope. 46If you had believed Moses, you would believe Me, because he wrote about Me. 47But since you do not believe what he wrote, how will you believe what I say?”

Everybody wants to be saved out of Fear of Eternal punishment. Think that is a little extreme.
Think of the regret you would have, if your secret Love told you years later, she wouldve been yours if you made a move on her, but instead she ended up with another man because he made a effort. Think of eternal punishment like that. Wouldn't you have regret, missed your chance, etc. That is hell, you will torture yourself with weeping and gnashing of teeth. Sorrow and regret.

The Narrow Door
…27And he will answer, ‘I tell you, I do not know where you are from. Depart from me, all you evildoers.’ 28There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth when you see Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and all the prophets in the kingdom of God, but you yourselves are thrown out.


Todays version of Christianity is fucked up. Trust me on this. I hate it. that is nicodemus doctorine mentioned in the book of revelations.

You've been taught a twisted version of Christianity. If i was and evil angel/satan, i'd infiltrate the church and change the meaning, and try to control people by fear.
Pharisees and Saducees, those who follow the scriptures, but do not mean it, or preachers or who preach fear and eternal punishment.


“To the angel[a] of the church in Ephesus write:

These are the words of him who holds the seven stars in his right hand and walks among the seven golden lampstands. 2 I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance. I know that you cannot tolerate wicked people, that you have tested those who claim to be apostles but are not, and have found them false. 3 You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary.

4 Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first. 5 Consider how far you have fallen! Repent and do the things you did at first. If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place. 6 But you have this in your favor: You hate the practices of the Nicolaitans, which I also hate.

7 Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give the right to eat from the tree of life, which is in the paradise of God.

The tree of life is a new perspective of the word, a new attitude about Jesus/god. etc.

Your first love, is your innocence you had as a child, before you saw the world and christianity and religion of how it really is today.

I know your deads, your hard work, and your perserverance. The proccess of truly examining yourself, and not wanting a bandaid, but something true, and not giving up on it.
If you do not repent, and change your attitutude, drop your pride, anger, and stop casting blame, your little candle will dissapear and you will fall again.

Everlasting punishment, is seeing with your eyes open your regrets, and being unable to drop your pride arrogance etc. You persecute yourself, when you see your true self and judge yourself correctly. its nothing god does to you.

Think about it this way. All these owners or corpations. these billionares, and millionares. No matter how much money they have, it is never enough. No matter how much influence and power they have, it is not enough. they are never satisfied. Their greed and lust controls them. they have a insatiable appetite. they miss the little things in life. they feel entitled. you cannot take any of that with you to the grave and beyond. its meaningless. they will feel regret and disappointment. knowing they have no time left to see what really matter. they miss out on the train. That is the punishment, not done by god, but by themselves and the system/culture that is in place.

The everlasting fire, is passion/appetite/lust etc. Its the spark, that fire inside of you that goes out of control. Consuming and destroying everything in its path.


God used the girl I write about is my birth, and death., and resurrection (otherwise i would not have sought out God) Place me like a seal on your heart, like a seal on your arm. For Love is as Strong as Death, Jealousy as Cruel as the Grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD. If a man would give up all the wealth of his house for love, his offer would utter be scorned. -Song of Songs 8:6
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