BP CAN SPILL 80 BILLION GALLONS AND DESTROY THE ECOSYSTEM BUT GOT FORBID YOUR TANK LEAKS A DROP OF HOME HEATING OIL

Apparently if your tank drips a drop of home heating oil, this threatens the health and saftey of you, your neighbors and the United States. Here is the protocol for handling a leaking home heating oil tank set forth by the EPA.

1) Call the volunteer fire department. They will come and say "Yup, thats an oil tank." Drink a 12 pack of Budweiser and then leave after taking numerous pictures of them standing around the fire truck in full turnout gear with serious looks on their faces.

2) Call the Department of Eviornmental Conservation. They will send out a guy who will wrap your house in crime scene tape and leave other assorted police paraphranelia lying about that has been in his trunk for 20 years.

3) You will have to pay a certified clean up specialist $20,000 to haul away the contaminated dirt. Since the clean up specialist is also a general contractor he will use your contaminated dirt on another construction job and charge that customer for the fill.

4) Call the plumber to install your new oil tank. The plumber will walk around with his ass crack hanging out and repeat three words. "Five Thousand Dollars" Thats the only phrase plumbers learned in school then they quit.


This has been a public service message.

Last Edited by CaptainZero on 05/12/2010 10:56 PM