I think I'll go on glp... again!

:kimpuppy:

:D

Puppizeee!

[link to fresnobeehive.com]

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

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A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, "You can come in, but don't start anything!"

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A man goes into a bar with a giraffe, they both get a couple of rounds in. When they get up to leave they're extremely drunk and the giraffe passes out and falls over. The man opens the door, about to leave by himself, when the bartender stops him suddenly and says, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The man turns around and slurs, "Don't be silly, that's not a lion, that's a giraffe!"

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A piece of rope walks into a bar and the bartender says, "We don't serve your kind." The rope goes outside, ties himself in a knot and frays one end of himself. He walks back into the bar and the bartender says, "Weren't you just in here?" The rope replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

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A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, "Don't you need to know where the bathroom is?" The pig says, "No, I go wee wee all the way home."

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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."

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A kangaroo walks into a bar. He orders a beer. The bartender says, "That'll be $10. You know, we don't get many kangaroos coming in here, you know." The kangaroo says, "At $10 a beer, it's not hard to understand."

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A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

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A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

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A brain walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. The barman says, "I'm not serving you, you're out of your skull!"

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A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.

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There are three construction workers on top of a building having lunch. One Italian, one Newfie, and one Oriental. The Italian man has a meatball hero, the Oriental man has noodles, and the Newfie man has fish sandwitch. The Italian and the Oriental are tired of having the same lunches everyday.

The Italian man says that if he gets a meatball hero the next day that he will throw it off the building.

The Oriental man says that if he gets noodles tomorrow he will also throw it off the building.

The Polish man says that if he gets a fish sandwitch tomorrow he will throw it off the building.

Sure enough the Italian and Oriental workers open their lunch-boxes and they find that they have a meatball hero and noodles respectively. They both throw their lunches off the building. The Polish man them throws his sandwich off the building. The other guys ask him how he knew that it was a fish sandwitch again without even looking. He responded by saying, "Because I pack my own lunch."



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A baby seal walks into a bar. "What can I get you?" asks the bartender. "Anything but a Canadian Club," replies the seal.

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Little Mexican boy goes into the kitchen where his mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face. "Mom, look, I'm a white boy." His mom slaps him in the face and says "Go show your father". He goes to his dad in the living room and says "Look dad, I'm a white boy." His dad slaps him hard in the face and says "Go show your grandmother." The boy goes in his grandmothers room and says "Look nana, I'm a white boy " His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says "So, did you learn anything from that?" The boy replies, "Sure did. I've only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Mexicans."

I live in Canada and I don't know what that means.

"Land is named by those who wish to possess."

I'm just trying to live.

It's a mistake!

And we laughed our asses off...

...I think I love you

A drunk walks out of a bar and sees a nun standing at a bus stop. He walks up to her and punches her in the face. When she falls to the ground, he starts screaming, "You're not so tough now, are you, Batman!!?"

Very good. LMAO