Xmas Dynamics

So pissed off and confused I don’t know what to think…


Family xmas over. Always a tense affair for me because I’m an orphan who relies on well meaning relatives at xmas. So far the best of these has been my aunt. This year she held xmas for a few of us and , getting on in age as she is, rather resented it.

She has this friend who I really dislike because she just attacked me at a get together because she inferred something I said as disrespectful of Aboriginal people. I honestly didn’t mean it at such and didn’t even register her as ‘aboriginal’ because it is not something I pay attention to. She upset me so much when she attacked me I accidentally drank a cigarette butt from the bottle I ashed into. I mention this because my cousin, my aunt’s daughter, noted it. She saw how upset I was.

This is all relevant because my cousin now wants to have next xmas at this woman’s house knowing how much she upset me & that it will basically mean I will be alone next xmas. My aunt will go along with it. This was all discussed in front of me and I was so upset I could not even be hardly polite to my aunt even though she has been very good to me. It turns out that her friend has been very good to her. She leant her a car when hers was destroyed in an accident that is not her fault.

Bottom line: In the past I was very demanding of people and myself in terms of loyalty and have lowered my standards substantially in the last few years. I try to allow for the complexities of life.

Now I feel that my standards have got so low that I no longer even have standards. This woman basically assaulted me at my aunt’s and I copped it. Now my aunt & cousin are talking xmas with this woman. This is at the same time - **THIS IS MAJOR* - that my aunt was complaining to me that her daughter , my cousin, missed out on a huge opportunity professionally because she was up against an ‘aboriginal’ candidate. Recall that this woman assaulted me purely because she thought I insulted aboriginals. I didn’t.

I just don’t understand?