Darwin Award Winners!

From our friends on usenet:


  Darwin Awards

    Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards
are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. These may or may
not all be true, but who cares?


    Here is the glorious winner:


    1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended
victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber
James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered
down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.
       And now, the honorable mentions:



     2. The chef at a hotel in  Switzerland  lost a finger in a meat
cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim
to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out
one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he
also lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved.


      3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
car during a blizzard in Chicago  returned with his vehicle to find a
woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.


       4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean
bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be
transporting from  Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to
admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and
offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the
passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients
were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception
wasn't discovered for 3 days.


        5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he
received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying
to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was
hit.


     6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?]


     7. Seems an  Arkansas  guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He
decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store
window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and
heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back
and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The
liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught
on videotape...


      8. As a female shopper exited a  New York  convenience store, a
man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and
the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the
snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They
put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then
taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To
which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole
the purse from."


       9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M. , flashed a gun,
and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he
couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man
ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY
AWARD WINNER]


      10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
parked on a  Seattle  street by sucking on a hose, he got much more
than he bargained for.. Police arrived at the scene to find a very
sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police
spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but
he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by
mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying
that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.


       In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with
friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by
chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be
glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

                      *** Remember.... They walk among us, and they
can reproduce & VOTE!!!