I was just beaten up by a gang of Amish and Quakers!!!

they ran at me with pitch forks
and they tried to push a barn over, on top of me
and when i ran away
they jumped out of their buggies and onto horse-back
and they knocked me over
and they trampled me with their horse-hooves

I screamed for the lord's mercy
and the Amish, and the Quakers heard my plea
and they built a penitentiary for me
for me to do penitence
so i could sit and think about the infraction i committed