Pope Benedict XVI Slams Then Canonizes Jerry Sandusky

[link to www.thespoof.com]

This afternoon the Holy See announced the canonization of Saint Sandusky the first patron 'Saint of NCAA Football Defensive Ends' even though Jerry Sandusky is still alive. The first miracle is that Coach Sandusky called his autobiography 'Touched: The Jerry Sandusky Story' and never got caught. The second miracle is that Jerry Sandusky set up 'The Second Mile' foundation in 1977 for at risk youth and never got caught.

Pope Benedict XVI said at the canonization ceremony for Jerry Sandusky today: "In 'The Green Mile' John Coffey was falsely accused of child murder and rape and he was executed. While on Death Row jail guard Doug Hutchison the husband of Courtney Alexis Stodden stepped on and crushed an inmate's trained pet mouse Mr. Jingles. John Coffey picked up the squished mouse, held it in his hands, light shined from his hands, a cloud of spores flew out of his mouth and Mr. Jingles came back to life. John Coffey then spiritually healed the warden's wife Melinda of brain cancer. Jerry Sandusky may or may not be guilty in the eyes of man, but through his faith in Christ his sins are no more. Human jurors acquitted O.J. Simpson of a double murder; lets see them convict Jerry Sandusky now."