Pity, Empathy, and Sympathy...

My grandmother was a wise woman. She was kind, very intelligent, and despite having only completed the ninth grade, she was an educated woman.

As a boy, she would impart pearls of wisdom on myself, my brothers and sisters, cousins and contemporaries.

One of those pearls, was in regard to pity and self pity.

In regard to self pity, she would simply say, "I lost my hearing at twenty. I lost one husband in World War II, another to a drunk driver. I lost a child at birth. And lost a brother and a sister before either were out of childhood. I raised three children working as a seamstress and a waitress. I could have hung my head, felt sorry for myself, adopted out my kids, drank myself to death, and died a miserable old bitch in some flop house. But I wasted no time with self pity, and therefore had no time to be a crybaby. Cowboy, (my nickname), you best get up and do for yourself, no one else is goin' to."

With regard to the pity of others, it was simple, "There's a big difference b'tween empathy, sympathy, and pity. Empathy means you care enough about the person to help pull them up. Sympathy means you understand the person's problems. And pity means you want act like you care so that you make yourself feel better. Don't ever pity a soul, it's the worst thing you can do for them."

When I was a teenager, I thought she was cold because she would see the Christian Children's Fund commercials, she would reply by saying, "Sad to see those little babies starvin' but if there families new how to live for themselves that fat girl would not have to make commercials."

Now, I am beginning to understand. Ergo, I do not pity. It is the weakest of human's emotions.