Judea - Jesus Nazarene is in the news again after a 19 year hiatus. Jesus, now 31, has come under investigation from a variety of Federal, State and Municipal Agencies for his recent outbreak of bizarre activities. He has been under investigation from the Alcoholic Beverage Commission (ABC) for the illegal distilling of spirits, which he then distributed at a wedding party with no liquor license. He is under fire from various State regulatory agencies and the American Medical Association (AMA) for practicing medicine without a license.

A local law enforcement agency is also investigating reports of Jesus creating a new cult, one in which people are encouraged to abandon their wives, husbands, parents, and even their children. "You must hate your parents if you follow me", Jesus is reported to have said. He has also been looked at as the source of labor unrest in the area, allegedly telling several fisherman to conduct a 'wildcat strike' and join his cult instead.

Tax and Business agencies are also looking into how a man with no visible means of support or any employment has paid for the catering costs of up to 5,000 people, feeding them all, at no charge - and with no license to do so, nor any permit for doing so outside of a health department inspected premise.

"What can I say?", said the Governor's spokesperson. "Look at his home environment, his upbringing, and the run-in's with the codes he's been involved in before this latest incident. He's a ticking time bomb, and it's amazing we haven't heard more from him till now." He referred to several bizarre incidents in Jesus's childhood involving drug smuggling, statutory rape, abduction by a cult, and regulatory offenses that surrounded Jesus, his parents, their friends, a local businessman, and a local cult.