Feels Like Time has Looped Backwards Today

I have this strange feeling that time has looped backwards on itself today. It is hard to explain, but it feels like something has changed. I feel like I have moved into a new stage of life. My kids are getting ready to take wing. I hope this goes better for them than it did for me when I was a kid. Dangerous times.

But on a more practical note, the atmosphere, the "feeling" of the day feels like it did when I was a kid in 1970's. It reminds me of my grandma and grandpa's house and what it would feel like to be with her and my grandfather back then. It's very strange and I'm not sure why it's happening. Those were unusual times in my life and consisted of days such as when the swing that was hung up in a tree connected to a drive shaft broke the branch it was hanging over when I jumped up from the bench when my grandma drove into the driveway and subsequently came straight down onto my older sisters' head leading to a lengthy and anxious stay at the hospital in which my grandparents both smoked themselves half to death in the hallway of the hospital. Strange days and Strange Times and they are about to get even weirder now that my kids are getting to the age where I first met my husband and we became lovers.

It's weird to pass through this way again, but this time, I am the older woman-not the teenager. This time I have fear that I didn't have the first time because I know that really bad things can happen. When I was a teenager, I was oblivious to the dangers and thought that everything would just turn out alright. I didn't know that my husband and I would have a horrible first year of marriage, have trouble finding jobs for all the years of our lives, have an autistic child, get divorced, live apart for 8 years, get back together, lose a sister, bury dad and his mother, get older, have a hysterectomy, have severe mental illness that has effected my life horrifically including fighting suicidal feelings for years. I have had to fight addictions, fight a husband with addictions, gone to jail after having a fight with said ex and once again husband after starting a business which was his dream, but which has put us in such debt that I never wanted to be in such debt ever again but it's done. Now, I get through the days dreading my kids graduating from high school. I hope they will be able to get jobs, but I have an autistic son who probably won't be able to work a normal job of any kind, another son who might stand a chance at a normal job and I have failed at getting a job, so I worry for them that they might end up where I have been the last 4 years, which is not a happy place. I am fully functional, smart and capable but getting hired requires references and I am very cut off from people and I don't see that changing anytime soon.

So, it's been a strange afternoon. I've been watching The Aviator with Howard Hughes and now I am wondering if there is a connection between the Hughes mormans and Mitt Romney. Always looking for connections. That's how it works for an Aspie.