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Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 888734
Australia
01/01/2012 10:19 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
They do have "fun" there. He puts them in front of a tv. The oldest is now old enough to play video games with him so they do all weekend. I do not agree but, it is not something I have a say in. I am simply frustrated that their basic daily hygiene is of no concern to him. I pack their bags each visit and include everything they need. He has no obligation to purchase clothes, toiletries or even food. I am terribly considerate to him in that I even provide transportation because in the past he has claimed that it is not convenient. I do all of these things because the girls want to see him.
 Quoting: Pink Taco


You feel like you do everything and he is not stepping up to the plate, correct?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 888734


Yes. I am so afraid that he just want's the kids to disappear. They need happy interaction with both parents. They ask to see him.
 Quoting: Pink Taco


You and him seperated for reasons. Is he still displaying the characteristics that led to the seperation?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 888734
Upheval

User ID: 8040184
Brazil
01/01/2012 10:20 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
They do have "fun" there. He puts them in front of a tv. The oldest is now old enough to play video games with him so they do all weekend. I do not agree but, it is not something I have a say in. I am simply frustrated that their basic daily hygiene is of no concern to him. I pack their bags each visit and include everything they need. He has no obligation to purchase clothes, toiletries or even food. I am terribly considerate to him in that I even provide transportation because in the past he has claimed that it is not convenient. I do all of these things because the girls want to see him.
 Quoting: Pink Taco


Well thats good they have fun. Remember, you did get there early and as stated by the guy, men dont have a clue obviously. But, if it bothers you then communicate with him as stated previously.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1466838
United States
01/01/2012 10:21 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
They do have "fun" there. He puts them in front of a tv. The oldest is now old enough to play video games with him so they do all weekend. I do not agree but, it is not something I have a say in. I am simply frustrated that their basic daily hygiene is of no concern to him. I pack their bags each visit and include everything they need. He has no obligation to purchase clothes, toiletries or even food. I am terribly considerate to him in that I even provide transportation because in the past he has claimed that it is not convenient. I do all of these things because the girls want to see him.
 Quoting: Pink Taco


You feel like you do everything and he is not stepping up to the plate, correct?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 888734


Yes. I am so afraid that he just want's the kids to disappear. They need happy interaction with both parents. They ask to see him.
 Quoting: Pink Taco


If they ask to see him then let it go. They weren't harmed. They are getting to bond with their dad and this will help them as they grow up. Soon enough you won't be able to keep these girls from getting in a shower or over brushing their teeth. You will be trying to get the OUT of the bathroom.LOL I know you get frustrated but look at the positive side of things.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 3868757
United States
01/01/2012 10:22 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
They were in the same clothes I sent them in. My 9 year old's hair is so tangled it may need to be cut. The 2 year old has 15 mosquito bites on her little legs and they have not brushed their teeth the whole weekend. I am furious. My 9 year old told me that they don't have to take baths until right before I come and that since I came an hour early that's why they look dirty???? Can this be grounds for supervised visits? Apparently this is his "normal" behavior? I could spit nails right now!
 Quoting: Pink Taco


Of course its not grounds...none of that is abuse or even necessarily bad parenting. The kids probably love it to be honest. You seem very controlling....probably why he left you holding your ass
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 945308
New Zealand
01/01/2012 10:22 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
...


You feel like you do everything and he is not stepping up to the plate, correct?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 888734


Yes. I am so afraid that he just want's the kids to disappear. They need happy interaction with both parents. They ask to see him.
 Quoting: Pink Taco


Your driving him away you silly cow! ... if the kids lose their dad it will be YOUR fault!

Just shut the hell up already!!!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 945308


How am I driving him away? I have come to a internet forum to rant. I have not said one ill word to him. I have not let on there is anything wrong to my kids either.
 Quoting: Pink Taco


Stop bullshitting to yourself and us

They were in the same clothes I sent them in. My 9 year old's hair is so tangled it may need to be cut. The 2 year old has 15 mosquito bites on her little legs and they have not brushed their teeth the whole weekend. I am furious. My 9 year old told me that they don't have to take baths until right before I come and that since I came an hour early that's why they look dirty???? Can this be grounds for supervised visits? Apparently this is his "normal" behavior? I could spit nails right now!
 Quoting: Pink Taco


You are a bitter bitch wanted to use the kids to stick a knife into him ... just shut up and get over yourself!
.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 8062514
United States
01/01/2012 10:23 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
When you were together did the father assist in the girls bathing? Is the two year old still in diapers? Is the dirt to the point of being a health hazard?

If I was a father of two young girls I would be terrified to bathe them for fear I would be accused of some sort of inappropriate behavior.

How was the father supposed to prevent the bug bites? I was in Florida a month back and despite using OFF was covered it bites.

And lastly I agree with the other respondents who opined that the nine year old should be able to brush her own hair and teeth without adult supervision.

I disagree with the people who say she should be responsible for the younger sister.

What you should do is calm down, call him and get his side of the story. Then come to an agreement as to what the expected hygienic requirements are for overnight visitations. If he can't handle it then you should only let him have the girls for individual days and have them come home at night so you can clean them to your satisfaction.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 7986585
United States
01/01/2012 10:25 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
laugh
suicide
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1466838
United States
01/01/2012 10:25 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
At first it sounded like there was a lot of neglect going on but when you gave us more info it sounds like he is doing a good job. Not many guys want to spend a weekend with two young girls and he is doing it. He could be off doing a whole lot more interesting things but he isn't. He is playing with them. And it looks like they really like going over there. Just teach the oldest some responsibility and be done with it.
Pink Taco  (OP)

User ID: 1540959
United States
01/01/2012 10:28 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...


Last Edited by BooBooKitty on 01/02/2012 01:05 AM
An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.
-Benjamin Franklin
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1466838
United States
01/01/2012 10:29 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
When you were together did the father assist in the girls bathing? Is the two year old still in diapers? Is the dirt to the point of being a health hazard?

If I was a father of two young girls I would be terrified to bathe them for fear I would be accused of some sort of inappropriate behavior.

How was the father supposed to prevent the bug bites? I was in Florida a month back and despite using OFF was covered it bites.

And lastly I agree with the other respondents who opined that the nine year old should be able to brush her own hair and teeth without adult supervision.

I disagree with the people who say she should be responsible for the younger sister.

What you should do is calm down, call him and get his side of the story. Then come to an agreement as to what the expected hygienic requirements are for overnight visitations. If he can't handle it then you should only let him have the girls for individual days and have them come home at night so you can clean them to your satisfaction.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 8062514


A nine year old girl should be very capable of helping bathe(if needed) and dress her sister. She can also brush her teeth. Many young girls have taken care of siblings and babysat at this age. It is no big deal. Sounds like the dad is taking care of everything else like feeding them and having fun with them.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1466838
United States
01/01/2012 10:32 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
...


You feel like you do everything and he is not stepping up to the plate, correct?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 888734


Yes. I am so afraid that he just want's the kids to disappear. They need happy interaction with both parents. They ask to see him.
 Quoting: Pink Taco


You and him seperated for reasons. Is he still displaying the characteristics that led to the seperation?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 888734


The separation was because he spent our life savings on a gambling addiction. He hid it for years and when he was offered treatment and help he chose to sell his truck and disappear for 3 months. When he returned he stole jewelry from his grandmother and took another hiatus. The third time he came home the house was empty and I moved into something smaller that I could manage alone. The home we lived in was owned out right. His parents purchased it. I moved when I got a notice he took out a mortgage on it and it was to be foreclosed on.
 Quoting: Pink Taco


Is he more stable now? Has he stopped gambling? Addictions are horrible.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1498907
Canada
01/01/2012 10:32 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
tard
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 945308
New Zealand
01/01/2012 10:33 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...



Is that dirty laundry I see flapping in the breeze?

Hes parents gave you a free hold house to live in ... he was a good catch until the money was gone and then so were you ...

I bet none of it was really your money now, was it honey?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 888734
Australia
01/01/2012 10:36 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
...


You feel like you do everything and he is not stepping up to the plate, correct?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 888734


Yes. I am so afraid that he just want's the kids to disappear. They need happy interaction with both parents. They ask to see him.
 Quoting: Pink Taco


You and him seperated for reasons. Is he still displaying the characteristics that led to the seperation?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 888734


The separation was because he spent our life savings on a gambling addiction. He hid it for years and when he was offered treatment and help he chose to sell his truck and disappear for 3 months. When he returned he stole jewelry from his grandmother and took another hiatus. The third time he came home the house was empty and I moved into something smaller that I could manage alone. The home we lived in was owned out right. His parents purchased it. I moved when I got a notice he took out a mortgage on it and it was to be foreclosed on.
 Quoting: Pink Taco

If that is the behaviour he diplayed whilst you where together, what makes you think he will display different behaviour when you are seperated?

This is now an opportunity for you. In saying that, I refer to an opportunity for growth. I can't advise on the appropriate response.

A 2yo has no comprehension and will go with the flow.

A 9yo has limited capacity to grasp the context of the seperation.

This is a tough one. The reason being is that a man of that character is usually overtly charming, and a 9yo has little defense, especially when it comes to being a little girl appeasing their father.
Pink Taco  (OP)

User ID: 1540959
United States
01/01/2012 10:37 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...


Last Edited by BooBooKitty on 01/02/2012 01:05 AM
An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.
-Benjamin Franklin
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4646660
United States
01/01/2012 10:39 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
I think you need to lighten up a bit.

I watched my kids while my wife was out with her friends the other night, which is a rare event.

Guess what? Brushing their teeth didn't even cross my mind. My 4 year old had to remind me. I laughed, and brushed them.

You should be focusing on more important things IMO.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1466838
United States
01/01/2012 10:41 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
...


You and him seperated for reasons. Is he still displaying the characteristics that led to the seperation?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 888734


The separation was because he spent our life savings on a gambling addiction. He hid it for years and when he was offered treatment and help he chose to sell his truck and disappear for 3 months. When he returned he stole jewelry from his grandmother and took another hiatus. The third time he came home the house was empty and I moved into something smaller that I could manage alone. The home we lived in was owned out right. His parents purchased it. I moved when I got a notice he took out a mortgage on it and it was to be foreclosed on.
 Quoting: Pink Taco


Is he more stable now? Has he stopped gambling? Addictions are horrible.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1466838


I am not sure. I don't pry. He still does not have a vehicle. I know he is employed. I just provide everything the kids need because I don't know if he can afford it.
 Quoting: Pink Taco


Well, the question should be are the kids safe with him and if they are then there really is no more to say.

Now whether he was a good husband or should you have stayed with him for the sake of the kids is a whole nother subject.
pool
++FREEDOM from vaxxed++

User ID: 1534158
United States
01/01/2012 10:46 PM

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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
Don't try anymore. Just fucking move on before he drives you insane.
Formal alliances are for people you don't trust.
~inhabiting virus planet & without enhancements~
Pink Taco  (OP)

User ID: 1540959
United States
01/01/2012 10:46 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...


Last Edited by BooBooKitty on 01/02/2012 01:06 AM
An investment in knowledge pays the best interest.
-Benjamin Franklin
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 888734
Australia
01/01/2012 10:47 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
...


Yes. I am so afraid that he just want's the kids to disappear. They need happy interaction with both parents. They ask to see him.
 Quoting: Pink Taco


You and him seperated for reasons. Is he still displaying the characteristics that led to the seperation?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 888734


The separation was because he spent our life savings on a gambling addiction. He hid it for years and when he was offered treatment and help he chose to sell his truck and disappear for 3 months. When he returned he stole jewelry from his grandmother and took another hiatus. The third time he came home the house was empty and I moved into something smaller that I could manage alone. The home we lived in was owned out right. His parents purchased it. I moved when I got a notice he took out a mortgage on it and it was to be foreclosed on.
 Quoting: Pink Taco

If that is the behaviour he diplayed whilst you where together, what makes you think he will display different behaviour when you are seperated?

This is now an opportunity for you. In saying that, I refer to an opportunity for growth. I can't advise on the appropriate response.

A 2yo has no comprehension and will go with the flow.

A 9yo has limited capacity to grasp the context of the seperation.

This is a tough one. The reason being is that a man of that character is usually overtly charming, and a 9yo has little defense, especially when it comes to being a little girl appeasing their father.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 888734
pool
++FREEDOM from vaxxed++

User ID: 1534158
United States
01/01/2012 10:50 PM

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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
That is exactly why I have always made it clear that I do not want anything from him.
 Quoting: Pink Taco


I believe you want him to change. That is still wanting..
Formal alliances are for people you don't trust.
~inhabiting virus planet & without enhancements~
whoopdeedoo

User ID: 7765523
United States
01/01/2012 10:54 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
I doubt a woman would go by the name Pink Taco. Also when someone has a female model as their avatar that's another clue that they're a man.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 4738365
United States
01/01/2012 10:57 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
gives
MCB

User ID: 1557364
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01/01/2012 10:57 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
OP -

I've been divorced twice - and got custody of my kids both times... Which, as a man, was unusual - but they were my kids and I was going to raise them. It is never easy sending your kids off to spend their mandated time with the other parent.

You can't control what the other parent does, short of bringing in the authorities - and unless there is actual abuse - that just makes you look uncooperative. Courts hate uncooperative.

A couple of days of neglect are unfortunate, but not really dangerous. Eventually he will tire of playing dad and the visits will become fewer and fewer, or he will get a clue if he cares about them. If he cared enough to stick it out he probably would have fought for a bigger role. So, give it a few months.

You can let him know what you expect, but you can't order him to do it. He's not married to you any more. Let him know what they need, not what you want done. Be basic with it. Necessities not wants.

Best of luck,

MCB
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User ID: 6740014
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01/01/2012 10:58 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
I doubt a woman would go by the name Pink Taco. Also when someone has a female model as their avatar that's another clue that they're a man.
 Quoting: whoopdeedoo


oijpjpj

This also occured to me...what woman would have another woman as an avatar named pink taco?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 3536138
United States
01/01/2012 11:02 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
Wow, miss pink - I can understand your concern, a LITTLE, and I mean LITTLE, but did the kids have fun? Are you actually jealous? How much child support are you collecting? Obviously a LOT or you would be bitching about that too!!!!
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1247273
United States
01/01/2012 11:02 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
Regardless of what you think is important, interaction with their dad is superior to it. And i am sure you soak them every night in a bath of flouride wich is the active ingredient in cockroach pesticide. Go ahead, google it. So he is actually saving the kids lives while you slowly kill them with your ignorant authority. And i will bet anything that he actually interacts with them and plays with them while you stand by paying more attention to your divorce causing facebook and cyber life. Damn criminal custody laws and the complicit dupes that exploit them.

Get off your high horse woman. Remember that females stop growing grey brain matter at puberty. Men dont. So even if it does not compute in your brain, rest assure it is a better plan than you could ever come up with.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 7732045
Australia
01/01/2012 11:05 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
well...
this thread deserves another one star and a Putin.

putin
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 1466838
United States
01/01/2012 11:08 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
Wow, miss pink - I can understand your concern, a LITTLE, and I mean LITTLE, but did the kids have fun? Are you actually jealous? How much child support are you collecting? Obviously a LOT or you would be bitching about that too!!!!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 3536138


According to her (and if you have read the thread) she is getting nothing because he is a gambling addict and a thief who is spit poor it seems.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 7049086
United States
01/01/2012 11:09 PM
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Re: Just picked up my girls from weekend visitation with their father...
I am just terribly pissed and I need to cool off a bit before I confront him. I just think it's time to stop making excuses for his inadequacies and see it for what it really is.
 Quoting: Pink Taco


confront him WHY. SO WHAT. the oldest is old enough to comb her hair, let it ge cut off then.





GLP