Lol! You remind me of myself. I asked the same questions and felt the same way about the genesis story. (As a child I was banned from asking questions during religion class).

Why would a loving God seemingly entrap his children and banish them if he loved them. Why would an omnipresent God mention gold? And why does the God of the old testament come across as cruel, vindictive, and jealous while the God of the New testament is loving and willing to sacrifice FOR his children rather than demand sacrifices OF them?

Did having a son (becoming a Daddy) really change God that much?

Seems to me that he either suffered split personalities or one testament refers to a real God, creator of all with no need for petty human emotions like jealousy and the other sounds more like a king or landlord (as you put it so well) trying to keep control of their genetic experiments.

If we were genetic experiments then these landlords are capable of genetic splicing. But I doubt they were responsible for giving us our souls. Something much greater than them did that in my opinion.

Was there something more to the story of Noah...his vineyard...and his becoming drunk?...There is an answer...a rather profound one...Suffice it to say that the roots of the vineyard...once mature...go incredibly deep...often as much as sixty feet.

This explains on the one hand why it takes decades for a vineyard to produce really high quality wine...it takes that long for the roots to really sink their teeth into the earth...And it is at that depth that the roots of the wine tap into mineral deposits not normally acquired in such prolific quantities as at the higher levels of soil and arable land...The root system of the vineyard is thus very significant...

The Bible made a special point of noting Noah’s new career choice...following his tenure as Captain of the Love Boat...this might suggest something we already knew...wine may be important to health...And by following that logic...then perhaps there was something about the wine...some esoteric mystery whose secret Noah was closely guarding...which Ham perhaps intentionally sought to learn...If in fact Ham’s indelicate intrusion was intentional...then Noah’s cursing Ham's throwaway son begins to make sense...One might also recall the Sumerian version of Noah...whereby he was given eternal life...

This might make you wonder if there is some great secret in the wine to justify indulging in a big way...Noah may have indeed been drunk on the wine...but perhaps he was more in an altered state...rather than a drunken one...The possible ramifications are intriguing...fascinating...and out-of-this-world speculative...Actually...Perhaps we should think of it as out-of-this-dimension speculation...

What is there in the wine that would produce such an altered state?...What is the significance of the fact that the roots of wine go so deep...What fabulous mineral are the roots tapping into...Are vineyard roots the original gold diggers?...What in the world am I talking about?...