My fingers are shaking uncontrollably. I am horrified beyond comprehension.

I'm so fucked up. At least I got enough money for a cab this time. Some shit ass cuntry music blares.

I'm gonna vomit.

She saw through my soul.

Told me a lot of things I was not ready for.

Life is a stupid experience. Full of loneliness. In hatred I regard the gift of existence.

God, please take this yoke away from me.

One of my favorite movie quotes from the film Four Rooms, directed by Quentin Tarantino.

"The less a man makes declarative statements, the less apt he is to look foolish in retrospect."

Killswitch Engage - My Curse
[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

That second chick that I said was my ex that hit a tree and her baby girl died? remember? I forgot to mention.. she vered off the road and hit a tree on... wait for it... HIGHWAY 23. Thank you. that is all.

You sound like the forklift driver at the Ford plant where I work. He says it's the energy drinks that make his hands shake so bad. The other day he unloaded a truck then puts some of the parts back on the truck and sent it back.

Its been 23 hours since I sent out bombshell of a mail to my heart throb chick.

Its getting crunch time I haven't looked to see what she wrote back.

Ive been thinking about everything that i had told her to make sure I am coming correct.

I am afraid to look, I will see her on Monday too, I could jut wait till I see her.

I expect to be crushed, I had to do it for my heart and mind's well being at this point.

Heya 1123. I also have been professing my undying and eternal love as of late. Chicks in real time don't seem to like it. It freaks them out when somebody they just met tells them that they love them. I don't get it.

Cyber girls on the flip side dig it. I was just telling my Cyber fiance how my soul would wither away without her words. We've been communicating for about two weeks. I felt it appropriate.

I hope your love reciprocates your feelings. Keep us updated.

You work at the fnord plant? Tee Hee. Get it?

All my chats has a dead.

They ask of my my well being. I explain to them in great detail how my day is. I ask a follow up question and they never reply back.

Some may suggest adopting a bit of brevity. I will not subscribe to that suggestion. Nay.

On the path to ascension not just anybody will do. If I am to be equally yoked then this obviously means that 99.9% of the single female population will not be interested in sharing sensuous moments with me. So be it. I hate hers.

Now it's on. I vow to quit depressing my essence with tobacco products. Cessation FOREVER!!!

I feel the fire starting to well up within me. I am coming back alive again. I made sure to smoke the last one before going to bed. No cigarettes to awake too. Feelings of alignment are taking place within my mind.

I might be a little too intense for most of the people I'll run into today. I'll stare right into their eyes and speak to their souls. I'm ready to go down town and make it happen.

I'm going to go get myself a bartender job at a high end establishment. Today is going to be magical, surreal, and probably discordant. Woot!

well, she never wrote back. I am kind of glad. the words I let fly.. id rather her come back at me face to face. and I see her 5 days a week so its not like she will get away. Id accept if she were to blow me off. I would welcome it at this point. I been seein her damn near every day for 2 years. I never let on for the first year. then I did one time. I found another chick. and I went to my secretary and was like.. "look. I really really like you. I would rather get with you.. do you dig me?" she told me she wasn't lookin to get into a relationship and to not let her stop me. I wanted her answer to be cut and dried so I could stop thinking of her.. but her answer left open a space. sounding like she wanted to chill? but not date??.. so cuz her answer wasn't solid. I could not give my heart the proper ammo to destroy the love building for her.. so it grew.. I dated the other chick. she was a vice principle at a elementary school nearby. lolz. she kept feedin me leftover school lunches... I miss the kiddie choc milk.. and of course, she was a rockstar in the sack.. but she wanted me to love her and I couldn't cuz I had my secretary in my heart.




So AnyWay. I didn't get a message back from her this weekend. and I went in today.. I hid from her. I didn't say goodmorning, see ya later. have a good one. no eye contact. I dipped out and hid in the rafters. chillin. convincing myself and telling myself how I was going to stop thinking of her on my own.. Fuk it.. so I began contemplating how I could avoid her for at least 3 months. till my mind began to be able to write her off as a loss.

well... I had to clock out to leave work.. she sits right next to the time clock.. I waited till she was dealing with a customer. and tried to slip in punch out and dip out. (thinking the whole time she was mad at me for makin her have to worry about some dumbass at her work in love with her). but right as I was almost out of sight. she said in the sweetest voice "see you later (my name) have a good one" she knew I wasn't going to say anything she could have kept quiet and most likely id never had talked to her again except about work. my heart melted. the way she said my name. I think she loves me back. so after she said that. I left the office and my face started leaking. im at my wits end. she is effecting me greatly.

So im still left to wait.. here I am again. possibly fabricating how she may feel about me. and daydreaming about her. at one point today. she came out of the office. and was standing between me and the exit. I had no where to hide or anything to do to get away from her. so I slipped around close behind her. smelled her. was like ohh she smells good then promptly told myself to shut up.

I will stay with this person till I die if at all possible. your mother brings you into this world your wife takes you out.



Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Home
[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

I want to go home.

i will hold her heart through the fires of our lives. with all that i am. id die for her in a moments notice if it was goin down like that and i was there. i know what it is like to not be there and have the love die(still lives in my heart, rest in peace my love i will see you again soon). never again! the lessons ive learned, a beautiful loving sweet amazing woman had to die for me to learn them. they don't just know that you love them. i thought they did. i didn't like saying i love you. i will say if 50 times a day now. vulnerable? hell yes. leave me feeling naked? so what. she will know she is loved. i will remember every special day that she would hope id have remembered, and create special days for her. Im ready to go all in.

i guess im a story teller, sorry peeps for the wall of text. this is how i do.

J/K guys. I made up an excuse and just kind of drifted through. Obligations will be ignored until an opportunity falls into my lap. Let the universe provide to me what I need. It will because I will. In conjunction with my higher self I am a creator.

And so are you. Happy 420. I love you guys. *kissess audience sloppily*

i haven't told her that i love her. i realize that i do. big time. so much so that im afraid and if she isn't into me id rather her be wicked to me than let the roots of love from my heart grow stronger as they extend to her.

i started this all off by approaching her in the office saying "yo te adoro absolutemente mariposa" i learned some of her 1st language. which translates into "i absolutely adore you butterfly"

so, then in the message i told her i was crazy about her. and that i refered to her as butterfly cuz one of her fav songs is one of mine.

crazy town - butterfly
[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

i wont go into y a butterfly has been a sign to me. but it has to do with the one that passed. so by the new chick, blastin that song. it was like a confirmation that she had infact been placed in my path for a very special reason. but im insane. so. *shrugs*

i may have been right.

i may haaave been right. this is getting interesting.

Awesome 1123

I've written some pretty heartfelt letters to my work infatuations. They were flattered. Uninterested, but flattered all the same.

I hope yours is flattered too.

May her vagaina weep with want and excitement. I bet it rocks to have a secretary. Have you ever seen the movie "Secretary"? May I interview you?

I'm all outer space now. Grass helps me realize super secrets.

Just kidding, it just makes me weird.

It made my sanity so uncomfortable, it decided to leave. I saw it the other day.

It's date was classy. I behelled her with a deep longing.

Broken hearted I resigned myself to the dumpster to find some lunch.

no i haven't seen that. i don't believe.

its pretty sweet getting to see her every morning, she is smoking hot. has an ass like.. i don't even know. ive always liked tiny asses little chicks 120 lbs. the sec. has a booty of a higher caliber. comes in wearing cute things. i think she looks most sexy when she just rolls out a bed throws on sweatpants and a sweatshirt and comes to work. every now and then she dresses up. she came in a cpl weeks ago wearin a short skirt. then sat down and started messin with her flipflop talkin to me. i could have seen the goods but being the gentleman i am i looked away. woulda just made my condition worse.

then again. she might have takin me then if id been like uhh. hey hun, i can see your pussy.

i know guys look at her all day long. and it makes her uncomfortable. she trys to sit down fast so the glorious sight of her magnificent azz gets hidden. she could cause an accident if she walked down the road wearin something that showed her butt. it mesmerizes. when she walks by ppl stop talkin and look. then comment on that with which they have just witnessed.

did i mention she is a Marine. tough as hell and smart as a whip. fierce.



that's my curse too. im too much of a gentleman. ive screwed myself out of getting laid on several occasions cuz im screwy like that.

when i was a teenager me and my friend were board walkin around at 3 am, we wondered into a retirement facility recreation room..

my friend took a shit in the corner pocket of the pool table and wiped his azz with the pages of a book of a shelf then put it back. i was like awww man.. naa bro. that's fucked up.

8 Ball corner pocket!

I have heard a rumor that the lunatic fringe is responsible for my innability to asses what is real and what is not.

The voices perhaps were correct. I do feel as if a schism has developed inbetweenxt reality and fantasy. Pushed so far apart I was made to choose only one realm to exist within. I chose to bear the responsibility of lunacy.

You are welcome. *curtsies, loses balance and wobbles wildly*

love me some ganja daily. im out now and it blows donkey balls.

i smoke tobacco. i am considering quitting. the secretary don't smoke. i been smoking since i was 12. my dad was beginning to become ill and no one could tell me nothing. then he died and i smoked cigs pot drank tripped on lsd played with firearms. i set myself on fire once while trippin on acid because i wanted to see a bigger flame. i got my wish.. STOP drop and roll..

HaHa.

What if the next game of pool commenced, the inclusion of the fecal matter unknown, and then finally the game was won when the 8 ball came to rest in the offending corner pocket?

Gemini - Blue

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

i wish i could have been tere to see who found it. i bet they thought one of the residents did it.

LOLZ! Yea. As a punishment one of the care takers probably smeared it on the first senior they could reach.

if that happened it was meant to be and me and my friend were merely agents of nature.


Blackmill - Evil Beauty
[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

It's a tough job but somebodies gotta do it.

So I'm running amok on the mainstream again. I have no idea why I feel the need to act so weird online. Bitchez be all like, "Who says that?"

Somebody who just cannot fit in with the constructs of technological normalcy. I am my own worst enemy. I thought there would be more lunar influenced individuals in the mainstream, after all, lots of folks are on medications these days.

No. They have adopted the worst kind of delusion to have. They believe themselves to be in control of their affliction.

I have an apology to announce. Evidently somebody was so pusillanimous that they felt one of my post abused their vaginas.

Dear vaggy,

I'm so sorry you ain't got the balls to read my shizzy.

So it looks like I'm about to be inundated by relationships. It really has gotten out of hand. They keep rolling on in. Pulling me away from my homeland. Uprooted I'm gonna follow my nose. I got a whiff of that pussy (not literally of course) and now I'm hypnotized. Like that cartoon bird who is all about the froot loops.

Thankfully I'm high. Dreamy reality replaces craziness. Life is a merry dream. Love the way I feel.

Do you guys feel like that too, or are you at the mercy of your slave ship?

Break free from the tyranny! Live rural. Grow you some medicine and trade for your needs. Panning for gold is viable in certain locations.

Live by your own rules and dictates. Self govern wherever you are. Survive the chaos, and be king. Ordo ab Chao. Technology has released to the profane mystery school secrets. We are all aware now. The information has been disseminated.

Technological ascension.

To those in the know. I ask of thee, tis this also by design? The familiarity has been uncanny. Life is surreal and strange and scars my brain with wonder.

I could probably use a little financial assistance. All donations are appreciated with abject love. Tee hee.

She has been chosen. And it is by the power of her presence that all the darkness has been vanquished. She nurtures golden light, and has saved my life.

She reciprocates my affection. My love for her is becoming all encompassing. Far beyond infatuation. My heart screams for a life long commitment.

Our eyes met. Coy smile. Loving aura. Spiritual connection. Instantaneous and heartfelt love.

I know we have just met, but I would like to offer a lifetime of affection and addoration.

A heavy sigh escapes the lungs. Well shit. I really thought she was down with the words. I thought the more hardcore love I pronounced to her, the more she would feel secure.

My fucking heart aches.

Where's the light? Extinguished.

I'm going home tomorrow. I should have never come to this town.