My fingers are shaking uncontrollably. I am horrified beyond comprehension.

Well of course I can, I am a writer after all. But..........I was really hoping for a girl who was down with what I spoke about. Perhaps this is where I'm going wrong.

Thank you. You are the man, I've seen you all over the internet, being awesome.

Oh, I completely understand. I have no idea what you're talking about. Love, dicks, dinner and all that. blink. Does not compute.

I'm just a simple simple girl. smile.

...Sounds exiting, though.

O.K, girl, let me break it down. You're smart and funny, and hooked me. Now it's your turn. I just need you to be willing to satisfy me. Fucking love me. That's all it's going to take. That is it. Just be my compassionate whore. (wink)

I appreciate the offering. Thank you for the sponsorship. You have helped me out significantly.

I appreciate you more than you will ever know.

Thank you watchers.

I do this for you.

yes I am from the south but not of it, I hail from the west coast(now radioactive west coast)originally. I attempt to learn the terminology for these animals myself. a boar hog is a wild male pig preferably with long sharp teeth(even tho it may cut you or kill your dogs). similar to pumba in the lion king(hakuana ma tata). call the females "sows" and the babies "shotes".

Ooh, ooh, I love to break stuff down.









But I'm totally flattered by your compliments. Smart, funny, hooker. grin.

I'm North West Arkansas, Ferrel pigs all around. I also got a pack of blue healers. Lot's of pups. Three prego bitches.

I would never call you a hooker, unless you decided to put the bait on the hook. Do you like to fish?

You are especially smart and funny. I will give you that, and a whole lot more, if your into hot sex that is.

ive got no dogs, my last dog was my beloved basset hound whom died in ot 7.

these dogs I hunt with I know for years tho, my friend has an operation about it. I go hunting because it is interesting. we mostly seem to move at night, I like movin through the woods at night, its peaceful(we encountered a ufo/ball of light out there one time). ive gone in the day numerous times. maybe its easier. but im a creature of the night. its interesting, good exercise. I get to cut stuff, we sometimes run for miles through the thickest swamp land over gators and cotton mouths. all after the sound of a bayed up hog in the distance. runnin to it in the dark. I once ran under a large highway in a 100 yard long culvert pipe because the dog had a hog caught in the center of the pipe. staring at that black hole in the middle of the night with the sounds of fighting grunting barkin. we entered. It was like going into battle. spiders snakes gators snapping turtles alligator gar. anything could have been in there not to mention the caught hog.. could have been dangerous to put hobbles on in such tight quarters (4 ft. culvert pipe)

having said all that, id not get my own hog box and dogs n kennels and go out to the woods hunting like an addict. don't mind knowing how its done though. and doing it. the info could come in handy one day.

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness. - Friedrich Nietzsche

we ended up catching that hog in the culvert pipe, it was only like 60 lbs. no teeth to do any real damage.

the ufo though. we were walking down a deserted road at 3 am normally a busy road during the day. has 6 lanes and a center divider with light poles to light the road. we were walkin down the sidewalk cuz we were tired of tearin though the woods. when a orb of light the size of a basketball appeared 30 in front of us 30 to our right and 30 feet in the air. above one of the light poles. it flickered into view like a firefly. once illuminated it flew by us to our right in a wavy pattern. for about 100 feet. it flew past us then angled upward and flickered back out behind us. like a firefly.

Had to elaborate, this being GLP and all.

chuckle. My hooker line was a smart comment, rather than a funny one. I don't find the term—or its meaning—offensive in the least. We are all hookers, every one of us. grin.

No, I don't fish. It's totally boring.

You?

...This hot sex you're offering, is it, like, tantric? Because, if so, I should warn you: I've got a very dirty mind.

OP, the prose is a little verbose and awkward for my liking.

verbal diarrhea, so maybe since he is just a little verbose, its like he shit his pants slightly with a wet fart.

I however am entirely verbose, and enlightened to discover the word itself. my condition identified.

A Perfect Circle - The Noose

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

I must make an amends to the dead.

A Perfect Circle - The Thirteenth Step

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

Elaboration is the key to life. You should travel to where I am. It's beautiful here. I'll give you a blue healer.

Dear Canada Girl. I accidentally fell in love with you. No I'm not totally boring at all. (wink)

I want to be awash in your perverted and dirty mind. Fucking love me already, o.k?

Dear China,

It is very hurtful of you to have such an opinion. Verbosity is where it's at, or so I have always been told.

I will change my whole style to meet your demands. You made me hate myself.

Thank you. Tee Hee.

I know right?! I need to go sit on the toilet, because I'm gassy this morning.

Bro, be verbose. It's a medical condition that provides pleasure to the reader.

China's just jelly.

Shit just got a little shitier.

I was heading back home today, 100 miles away from this shit hole Joplin Mo. Now I cant. I got fucked up at a restaurant next door and left my fucking phone there. Today is Sunday and they are not open.

Now I'll have to stay here. I'll have to do some day labor for the week. Fuck my life, I am supposed to be at my favorite bar in Eureka Springs.

Thank God, I can comm out here. I love this web site. I would have absolutely nothing if I did not have this medium.

I'm already drunk this morning. You don't mind do you?

Fuck it! My buddy is already on the way to pick me up. I gotta go analogue and all that shit. At the very least I'll be at my favorite bar in a bit. It's a terrible thing to be me.

Wifi will be available. Goddamn I love my diseased mind. I'd fucking marry it, were it to allow.

May our comms go into the night.

Oh my! Canada Girl has an accidental lover? And a not totally boring at all accidental lover, at that. wink.

I'm listening to a song.

Suzanne—Leonard Cohen.

...you've touched her perfect body with your mind...

Dear Canada Girl,

Are you her? My muse. The one I made a fool of myself over. If so, I'd like to offer a huge apology. I made a mistake by not being completely honest. How long ago was that? Why can I not forget you? O' yea, it must have been something you said.

Give me a cryptic clue. Have intercourse with my mind, and mind fuck me into ecstasy.

If you are her, then you really do love me.

If you are not her, well, you'll do.

I made it back to Arkansas, and I am the only person using a laptop at the bar. The owner is not here, so it's not the party place it usually is on Saturday. It's nice though. Quiet. Lots of alcohol and all that.

I wonder what the bartender is going to do when I get drunk and start acting like a banshee? He'll just have to get over it. My friend owns the place and I like pushing envelopes.

The barkeep is engrossed in a soap opera, and my glass is empty. I'll forgive his terrible work ethic because I would also like mine forgiven.

Seriously though, the jukebox is at a very low volume and that is upsetting to me. After all this is not a living room, it's a place of debauchery and fun. W.T.F.

Maybe I should kill his television.

Fuck it. I'm going to take you guys on a trip. I'm going to describe something that will create pictures in your mind. You may view these pictures using your imagination. This is going to be fun. Stop screaming in horror.

Imagine for a moment you are in a bar drinking glass after glass of intoxicating serums. You can have whatever you like, I'm buying.

Now over consume. There you go. Easy tiger you're getting sick. Oh no. You've drank too much. Shit, we gotta get you to a hospital. Don't you dare fucking die on me. Medic!!!

Whoa, that was fucked up, I'm never taking you anywhere again.

Silent but deadly, yea, you know what I mean. Except it was not silent at all. It erupted with sound. Everybody stared at me. The worst part of the flatulence was the shit that sprayed out and saturated my jeans.

Most people where underwear. Not me though. I wish I did. I could just take them off and try and flush the offending garment down the toilet.

I guess I should try and clean up the best I can, or maybe I'll just continue to sit here and rash out.

Most decisions are hard to make, this one being no exception.

Too cryptic. I din' get it. O.k lets go a more overt route. I forgot I was a stupid individual.

Forgive me for my overwhelming idiocy. I'd like to blame it on the alcohol, but the truth be told I was born this way.

*weeps retardedly in public.....again*

I'm about to order my third drink. I'm going with a greyhound. Grapefruit juice splashed into a glass of vodka. A tourist town rocks when you are local. Local prices and all.

The motto out here is to over pour. Fantastic. It works for me. I can't wait until my speech becomes slurred. My thought process even more confused.

The ride from Joplin sobered me up. Fucking bummer it is to travel. I'm smoking again. My cessation lasted all of two days. I really will quit for good tomorrow though. Maybe.

There, there.

My bad. A failed attempt to give you exactly what you wanted. I accept full responsibility.

What was the question again? Am I her? Could be. I often refer to myself in third person. Sometimes as three people, even. It's nice to have options.