NEEDING SOME SERIOUS ADVICE HERE. .

OK, It's been over 4 months....and I know many of you remember my post right after my husband passed. I am coming to grips with it,finally but I cannot believe how very lonely it is being single. I mean, there is just no one to taste my new recipes,no one to talk with, no one to help you when you are so sick you cannot get up and do anything, no one to share anything with.

I have a great family but I've lost my zest for life...Nothing is making sense to me. I have come to the conclusions that we are not meant to be alone. It's just too hard to get out and see couples and families participating in life. I feel so out of sync with them. I am SOME new person with a new path I know nothing about.
Has anyone went through this and if so...how do you find your new path. Where do I begin to put my life together again? I feel so dazed...motivation is just not there.
I do not mean to complain, but guys I have been on here since the days of Elaine, then Ken took it over. And now the monk has it.....bless his heart.
I don't know. I don't even want to get out of the house anymore. It's gotten that bad.
And I do not want to hardly talk to anyone. No phone calls, it is just so strange for such an outgoing person like me to do such a huge turn around. Is this normal? If so, how long does this last? I think the trauma of seeing such an ugly side of this type of cancer consume someone who you felt you would be with for much longer has affected me and my reality. Like it marks you for life.
Just wanted to see how others have faired after going through these losses in life. I need to know if this passes.

Unfortunately I went through the same thing after my first divorce. I was so devasted I went through a prolonged period of depression and basically stayed home and become withdrawn from society. It lastest almost 2 years. I finally met my current wife at a company I went to work for and she had a lot of friends and a pretty big family, which helped me snap out of it, but to this day I have never gotten back to my former outgoing fun-loving self. My wife and I just had a conversation (fight actually) about this yesterday and told me everyone says I'm grumpy and no fun to be around and that some of my oldest friends confided in her that I was too serious and needed to lighten up. I'm not sure what the problem is, I just don't have the zest for life anymore despite being blessed with a very good life. I am still to this day intorverted and would rather stay home than go out in public around a bunch of people. It's a problem, but I don't know how to fix it.

Since when is it a 'problem' that you'd rather putter around at home and that you enjoy your own company and your own thoughts? Today's 'public' are about 70% morons - I mean morans. Everything significant that was ever created in civilization was the product of uninterrupted focus and generally solitude too, in order to get that. Maybe you can study hard with a bunch of people yapping in your ear who haven't a thought in their heads, but I never could. The public has its uses and you can't avoid it entirely, but short doses are enough for most people who have a contemplative, intellectual nature. Maybe the world needs both kinds, all kinds, but I'm totally sure we wouldn't have these nice machines to talk to each other on if it were not for introverts like you.

Ain't that the truth. Society places so much pressure to get out, go and do, and be. Run the rat race. There is honor in simplicity and quietness that seems to never be appriciated unless you are one also. There is a book on amazon I would recommend for anyone struggling with this kindle editions are avaliable the name is-Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking. The authors name escapes me atm but it is a 5 star book that is bar none one of the best approaches to the topic i have read.

Yes it gets easier but no you will never be the same. You have to learn it all anew again. A new way to love yourself even if you are different than what you once were. Learning to trust again. And learning to not let what fears will rise in you with that trust when you love another rule you. It is hard and difficult and takes some of us a long time. It is ok to separate yourself even though it feels different if you are not ready. It is simply ok. Even when the world tells you it is not and you feel so very different inside. As with anything else the path is found one second at a time sometimes. Two steps forward and one back. Slowly you learn to stand again.

The emotional experience is very different for everyone. Some can stay the coarse though the sickness and the ups and downs. Some have been caretakers for so long that the entire image of marriage is changed. It is still very early for you, because you will always carry it. 4 months in retrospect to the time involved with your husband is nothing.

Your drive and motivation to move forward will come from your heart as it did mine that feeling that we are not supposed to be alone and the emptiness it brings. If you are a spiritual person at all that is where i would recommend you lean that was my lifesaver and my sense in the middle of a life changing storm.

I am so sorry for your loss!

God gave us the gift of life, you where blessed with someone who loved you and you loved him.

Life is a blink of the eye here on Earth.

You will be with him for eternity, which is a very long time.

I send you Love and Light, and empower yourself to pass this test

May God Bless you! and give you strength and hope for your future

Op, my beloved husband of 23 years committed suicide in 2011. It has been a long road, but I can tell you, it does get better. My first advice, go to your local health food store and find a Bach Remedies tincture called "Star of Bethlehem". It helped me tremendously, in fact I was 6 months into my grief, cycling down over and over, and my friend got it for me, it stopped the cycling immediately! It deals with the emotional pain like nothing else, even counseling. Second, I hope you have a belief system that allows you to consider that you will see each other again. While I am not a religious person, I have read many books on after death communication. I highly recommend the books by Dr. Michael Newton on life between lives. I could go on and on, but just want you to know that you can survive this, and there are things out there that really really help.

Thanks, ByFaithAlone!
Here's an amazon page of what's available:
[link to www.amazon.com]

OP, this looks to be a book you can eat up like candy and you'll feel much better.

Google five steps of grieving. This will help you understand your journey. I lost my daughter when she was 40 years old and this helped me a lot. I hope the best for you

OK, It's been over 4 months....and I know many of you remember my post right after my husband passed. I am coming to grips with it,finally but I cannot believe how very lonely it is being single. I mean, there is just no one to taste my new recipes,no one to talk with, no one to help you when you are so sick you cannot get up and do anything, no one to share anything with.

I have a great family but I've lost my zest for life...Nothing is making sense to me. I have come to the conclusions that we are not meant to be alone. It's just too hard to get out and see couples and families participating in life. I feel so out of sync with them. I am SOME new person with a new path I know nothing about.
Has anyone went through this and if so...how do you find your new path. Where do I begin to put my life together again? I feel so dazed...motivation is just not there.
I do not mean to complain, but guys I have been on here since the days of Elaine, then Ken took it over. And now the monk has it.....bless his heart.
I don't know. I don't even want to get out of the house anymore. It's gotten that bad.
And I do not want to hardly talk to anyone. No phone calls, it is just so strange for such an outgoing person like me to do such a huge turn around. Is this normal? If so, how long does this last? I think the trauma of seeing such an ugly side of this type of cancer consume someone who you felt you would be with for much longer has affected me and my reality. Like it marks you for life.
Just wanted to see how others have faired after going through these losses in life. I need to know if this passes.

I am sorry for your loss.

I lost one some years ago, I am known for taking the longest route and doing everything backwards so...

After about thirty days of grieving, I threw everything I couldn't sell into my truck and boat and changed local.

I had to, I just knew to many of the wrong people and what I felt inside needing something that I was unwilling to feed it any longer after watching Her die for about a year.

Perhaps for you just get out and do something, come by here if you like, dinners done about 5:30

I haven't been online much for a long time, so I'll probably make a mess of this explanation, out of practice as I am in communication:
If you're standing very close to someone who jumps out of a plane, you could get sucked out the door with him, because of...momentum, I think we should call it. Some smart person here will surely notice this pitiful effort and explain how this works.

While your beloved was ill, and you all the time providing every kind of practical and moral support you could, you were serving up buckets of your own energy already. Now, he's gone off and you feel that 'suction' out the plane door, don't you? That's why you're so weak and lethargic.

My own husband passed away a few years ago after a marriage of almost 30 years, I definitely felt the same effects I've just described. In this case, OP, temporary seclusion is the best thing for you! If you break a bone, you'd likely put on a cast, wouldn't you? That's what you're in now, till you can close that gaping hole in your energy. Don't 'try to build Rome in a day' or worry you're not yourself. You need at least a year of gentle cocooning and don't make any more important decisions than you can help during that time. Every one I made during that first year was a bloody disaster!

Do you have any pets at home?

I am sorry that you are going through this.
My Uncle died two years ago from cancer and I know my Aunt still feels an emptiness.After the cancer was discovered he died within a few months. It was awful. My dad lives with her and I think that helps her. They lived about 3 hours away from the family. She does come into town more often now though. I think it has helped her to be around the family more. I know she still spends her nights alone in bed, crying. I think of her often, especially at night when my husband is sleeping. I can only imagine how hard it is to lie in bed alone after sharing it with someone for twenty or more years.

I hope you can find some peace and happiness.

OK, It's been over 4 months....and I know many of you remember my post right after my husband passed. I am coming to grips with it,finally but I cannot believe how very lonely it is being single. I mean, there is just no one to taste my new recipes,no one to talk with, no one to help you when you are so sick you cannot get up and do anything, no one to share anything with.

I have a great family but I've lost my zest for life...Nothing is making sense to me. I have come to the conclusions that we are not meant to be alone. It's just too hard to get out and see couples and families participating in life. I feel so out of sync with them. I am SOME new person with a new path I know nothing about.
Has anyone went through this and if so...how do you find your new path. Where do I begin to put my life together again? I feel so dazed...motivation is just not there.
I do not mean to complain, but guys I have been on here since the days of Elaine, then Ken took it over. And now the monk has it.....bless his heart.
I don't know. I don't even want to get out of the house anymore. It's gotten that bad.
And I do not want to hardly talk to anyone. No phone calls, it is just so strange for such an outgoing person like me to do such a huge turn around. Is this normal? If so, how long does this last? I think the trauma of seeing such an ugly side of this type of cancer consume someone who you felt you would be with for much longer has affected me and my reality. Like it marks you for life.
Just wanted to see how others have faired after going through these losses in life. I need to know if this passes.