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A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more

 
Ancient
User ID: 29167088
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10/21/2013 02:50 PM
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A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.


Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no,




I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
Anonymous Coward
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10/21/2013 02:54 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.


Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no,




I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
 Quoting: Ancient 29167088


cruise
Anonymous Coward
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10/21/2013 03:01 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
That's funny! I got to try that one sometime.
War Pigs
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10/21/2013 03:02 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
You old fart!

cruisecruisecruisebeavis
<Path>

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10/21/2013 03:04 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
Get out of my yard!
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Lady Jane SmithModerator
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10/21/2013 03:06 PM

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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
ROFL Froggie
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"You cannot withstand the storm"

and the warrior whispers back

"I am the storm"

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OptimusPrime

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10/21/2013 03:09 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
old joke is old. You didnt build that.
Mukk1234

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10/21/2013 03:10 PM

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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
:doggyie:
Squonk1960

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10/21/2013 06:47 PM

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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
Dude -- why not (if you were playing) wait till she came out the door, and then rip open the bag in front of her and act as if you ate a few morsels, then run over to her and stick your nose in her ass? Now that may get you expelled from Costco,s226

Last Edited by Squonk on 10/21/2013 06:56 PM
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davvi

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10/21/2013 06:51 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
Good one...

slols
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10/21/2013 06:54 PM

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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
cruise
J 17:15: "I pray not that Thou shouldst take them out of the world, but that Thou shouldst keep them from the evil. vs20: Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word."

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Anonymous Coward
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10/21/2013 06:56 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
That's why I prefer Sam's Club. They don't waste time chitchatting and holding up the checkout line with useless banter and personal questions.
Anonymous Coward
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10/21/2013 06:58 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
Why were you kicked out of Costco? I'm not sure how any of what you said could even be construed as offensive. Good luck on the diet though.
Marilllon

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10/21/2013 07:01 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
I would not give my dog purina food. Please do a search on internet what bad stuff is in it and all the food recalls .
mrmuffins69

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10/21/2013 07:04 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
legend
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10/21/2013 07:11 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
Hey hey Johnny Knoxville is that you? Trying to promote your new movie on GLP about a old man punking people.
Anonymous Coward
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10/21/2013 07:21 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
lolsign
beeches

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10/21/2013 07:38 PM

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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
I would not give my dog purina food. Please do a search on internet what bad stuff is in it and all the food recalls .
 Quoting: Marilllon


beautiful dog there!
we only have each other. And that makes us rich.. . .

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Anonymous Coward
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10/21/2013 07:43 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
That old story has been kicking around for over two years, but it is funny and very tempting to try on some dunderhead behind you in line.
Anonymous Coward
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10/21/2013 08:02 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
OP
are you Irish ?
Anonymous Coward (OP)
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10/25/2013 07:48 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
flag waver
Anonymous Coward
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12/16/2014 06:54 AM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.


Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no,




I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
 Quoting: Ancient 29167088


cruise
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 22470569


Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.


Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no,




I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
 Quoting: Ancient 29167088


cruise
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 22470569
Anonymous Coward
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12/16/2014 08:56 AM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
hhahahahahaha!

bump

5a
beeches

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10/04/2020 04:26 PM

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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
was expecting a different thread!

even though i was on it way back then.
we only have each other. And that makes us rich.. . .

Wisdom in the man, patience in the wife, brings peace to the house and a happy life.
the deplorable ar-15 nut

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10/04/2020 04:30 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
awww
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Anonymous Coward
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10/04/2020 04:36 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
i'm gonna super glue ur old nuts so they hang less
Anonymous Coward
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10/04/2020 04:41 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.


Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no,




I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say.
 Quoting: Ancient 29167088



marvelous-bc
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10/04/2020 04:59 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
LOL!
Anonymous Coward
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10/04/2020 05:05 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
cruise

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10/04/2020 08:30 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more


1. SHE WAS HITTING ON YOU!



2. SOUNDS like it is time to raise the retirement age to 90.

Can't have these people fucking with stupid libs.


Anonymous Coward
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10/04/2020 08:43 PM
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Re: A Retiree's Last Trip To Costco .. They won't let me shop there any more
lolsign





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