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Glimpse into the Married life, I am sure this makes the single folk jelly :D ( ADULT ORIENTED CONTENT )

 
Moment of Clarity
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05/29/2014 01:57 PM
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Glimpse into the Married life, I am sure this makes the single folk jelly :D ( ADULT ORIENTED CONTENT )
365 DAYS OF LOVE MAKING

To My Dear Wife, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
7 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hair-do
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

To My Dear Husband, I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more that you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pyjamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc on TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
My religious point of view is something I can't talk about. It goes against my belief system to talk publicly about my own spiritual beliefs.



"We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest."
Horace
Anonymous Coward
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05/29/2014 02:01 PM
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Re: Glimpse into the Married life, I am sure this makes the single folk jelly :D ( ADULT ORIENTED CONTENT )
what the fuck man fuck u w da bs
Moment of Clarity  (OP)

User ID: 58565539
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05/29/2014 02:07 PM
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Re: Glimpse into the Married life, I am sure this makes the single folk jelly :D ( ADULT ORIENTED CONTENT )
what the fuck man fuck u w da bs
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16928459


Glad you like it.

1bitch1
My religious point of view is something I can't talk about. It goes against my belief system to talk publicly about my own spiritual beliefs.



"We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest."
Horace
BunBun

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05/29/2014 02:08 PM
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Re: Glimpse into the Married life, I am sure this makes the single folk jelly :D ( ADULT ORIENTED CONTENT )
LOL!

We women try, just not very hard, I'm afraid.

Married life is a little bit boring.
Christard and Lover of God
Moment of Clarity  (OP)

User ID: 58565539
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05/29/2014 02:28 PM
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Re: Glimpse into the Married life, I am sure this makes the single folk jelly :D ( ADULT ORIENTED CONTENT )
LOL!

We women try, just not very hard, I'm afraid.

Married life is a little bit boring.
 Quoting: BunBun


LOL hugs
My religious point of view is something I can't talk about. It goes against my belief system to talk publicly about my own spiritual beliefs.



"We rarely find anyone who can say he has lived a happy life, and who, content with his life, can retire from the world like a satisfied guest."
Horace
Anonymous Coward (OP)
User ID: 58565539
United States
05/29/2014 10:34 PM
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Re: Glimpse into the Married life, I am sure this makes the single folk jelly :D ( ADULT ORIENTED CONTENT )
bump
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 40759684
Ireland
05/29/2014 10:49 PM
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Re: Glimpse into the Married life, I am sure this makes the single folk jelly :D ( ADULT ORIENTED CONTENT )
Is she da hobbit?

or is the bitch ain't no hobbit?
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 55614808
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05/29/2014 10:52 PM
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Re: Glimpse into the Married life, I am sure this makes the single folk jelly :D ( ADULT ORIENTED CONTENT )
Sounds like both sides a legitimate gripe.

Try talking to each other, eh?





GLP