Ebola on SNL: David spade as Jeff Foxworthy

[link to snltranscripts.jt.org]

Thank yew, Norm! Thank yew! Okay! If yer a small bacterial virus that travels through the air or blood, and kills 9 out of 10 people infected within 24 hours of contact - then yew may be.. the Ebola Virus.

If, on yer W2 tax form, yew list as yer primary residence, the bloodstream of an African Zuzu monkey - by that fact alone, yew could be IDed as the Ebola Virus.

If the only time people can relax around yew, is when they're wearing a Biosafety Level 4 Hazardous Ebola Virus-proof spacesuit - then yew've nominated yerself as a potential candidate to be elected the Ebola Virus.

If yer a Playboy centerfold and list as yer turn-ons: making people vomit uncontrollably and bleed out of their eyes and anus - then all arrows point to yew.. being the E.

If yew walk into a room, and everyone sez, "Oh, no! It's the Ebola Virus!" Then, perchance, there's a blah blah!

If yer driver's license photo looks like this.. [ holds up cartoon drawing of the Ebola Virus ] ..there's a bleep-blop E Virus.

If yew find yerself feelin' jealous because the AIDS Virus gets more press than yew - then, maybe the Ebola Virus.

If people see yew and run!