I am a Mind Controlled slave looking for help advice

I found out when I was 18 I was getting into college and getting off parole my parole officer was in on it he knew everything I'd been up to and been thinking it seemed. It was the day i was getting off parole i instantly started to feel tired zombiefied almost. everyone in the office started to talk about me indirectly like they were talking about somebody else. They walked out of the office up to a car running outside talking about me i only heard a few words the social worker who helped me get into college said i was not to be trusted and was not ready for this yet... fast forward my life turns into a surreal dream the conspiracy theory becomes reality I fool the governor into seeing me under the lie that his life was in endangered to get answers about what was going on with me he was no help. i dropped out of college and tried to run away from these people. ended up living with some psychopathic satanist and over all weird family Got addicted to drugs partying while homeless in another state got into a car accident on the way back almost died we went off a cliff going 65 miles an hour seat belt didn't work. when i got back some stranger invited me to go hang out with him still wearing a neck brace from my injury went back to his home to smoke weed. It was normal at first until he told me i had a diamond chip in my head and that if i wanted to live and not die young i was going to have to change most of what i do. stop attracting so much attention to yourself, stay away from big cities unless i have a damn good reason to be there you can be tracked anywhere in the world so no point, he knew everything i had been thinking or doing and even tried to get out certain alters cause by MPD multiple personality disorder he knew i was gay and told me to not think gay thoughts he said sounding irritated. he then started to talk about a sex change explaining how its done etc knowing i hated being gay and wanted to die because of it. Fast forward my life takes a downward spiral depression and such I try to freeze myself to death get hypothermia end up in the mental hospital while there i meet a strange man with a good sense of humor i knew he had a part in it because of how he talked he talked about the different characters and made jokes about them then seemed to offer something i really didn't want as i hate being gay, said he could make some girls happy talked about washington dc tons of cool shit to try to sugar the offer up money blah blah blah. This freaked me out because i strongly believed they were trying to do kitty programming on me used for sex slaves. I got raped alot while i was there by imaginary beings i felt like i had the body of a woman just vivid out of body hallucinations of getting screwed sometimes even when i was in therapy group yoga was the worst i was too scared to participate after my bad experience didn't want to look weird if i started moaning. I need advice with this problem or help it would also help if you could kill me as i am too cowardly to do it myself.