October 27, 2005, the day my world was turned upside down forever. | |
my 2 cents
(OP) User ID: 60779794 Canada 10/21/2014 06:44 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | My thanks to everyone here for all the positive and uplifting replies. They've really lifted my spirits. Bless you all. Patriotism is supporting your country always -- and your government when they deserve it. Mark Twain Those who beat their swords into plowshares usually end up plowing for those who kept their swords. -Benjamin Franklin |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 42332147 United States 10/21/2014 06:44 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Sorry to hear of your tragedy, but here's where you failed her as a father. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 60378884 "When my daughter refused several times to take him back the threats started. "Sandra, if you don't take me back I'm going to kill my self" or "Take me back or I'll kill you."" I take it you don't own a gun or anything? I mean, you told us he was a drugged out zombie by then. The outcome was going to be the same for that loser either way, except, he took out your daughter, robbed the children of their mom and everyone else who loved your girl. Any of you bleeding heart liberals who want gun control, let this be a lesson to you. Sometimes a man's got to do what a man's got to do and sadly, OP didn't do it. Wow- seriously? |
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CatRWall
Deplorable CatRWall User ID: 52395565 United States 10/21/2014 06:47 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | October 27, 2005 The day my world was turned upside down forever. Quoting: my 2 cents As the 9th anniversary of this day approaches I thought I'd share this story with my fellow GLPers. It's not something I mention very often, but find that talking about it always helps. Thursday, October 27, 2005 started out like any other day. I was up by 6 AM and out the door and on my way to work by 7. I made a quick stop at the local coffee shop, grabbed one to go and was at work by 7:30. Around 9:30, just as I was sitting down for a break, my boss opened the door to my work area and handed me the phone. I was surprised to hear my ex-wife, who I very rarely talked to, on the other end telling me I better get home quick because our daughter Sandra (age 29) was missing. "Huh?, what?, she's missing? What's going on?" Well, she said in a panicked voice "I went to her place this morning at 6am as usual to babysit the (grand) kids. But she wasn't there and the front door wasn't closed." "The kids" she said (2 boys 11, and 2 and one girl 4) "were all in there beds sound asleep but no sign of Sandra." I was already in a daze as I swallowed hard and asked "Have the police been called?" "Yes", my ex replied "and they are very, very concerned, especially since Ed has been making so many threats against her lately." Ed was the man my daughter had recently separated from. They'd been together for 12 years and gave me my 3 beautiful grandchildren. About 3 years before they split up something had changed with Ed. He quit working and started doing drugs day and night. He started hanging out with some real losers and had all but given up on being a dad. My daughter cajoled, pleaded and pretty much begged him to get a grip and start being the man he once was. But it was all to no avail. Finally, at wits end she told him he had to leave, but left open the possibility of reconciling if he would only change his ways. But instead of changing he kept getting worse and was rapidly becoming a drug addled zombie. When my daughter refused several times to take him back the threats started. "Sandra, if you don't take me back I'm going to kill my self" or "Take me back or I'll kill you." As frightened as she was she never wavered in her refusal to take him back, and instead applied for and received a restraining order against him. The restraining order never did do much good as he continued to harass her without the police doing more than giving him repeated warnings. I put the phone down, stuck my head in the bosses door and told him I had a family emergency and had to go home. "No problem" he said. "Hope everything is okay" Even then I had a horrible feeling that everything was definitely not okay. I wasn't sure where to go first so I went straight to my daughter's house. A chill ran up and down my spine as I turned on to her street. It was blocked off on both ends and anyone who didn't have business being there was being turned around. I remember walking past a van that was labeled "forensics unit" as well as a canine unit truck and more police cars and vans than I could count. As I approached her house which was also cordoned off I heard my ex saying "there he is." Accompanied by two detectives she ran up to me and gave me a hug. She was a mess and I could tell by looking at her that she was totally distraught. By now I was as much a mess as she was. The two detectives asked me some questions and I suppose, being satisfied that I had nothing to do with Sandra's disappearance answered some of my own questions. As near as they could tell they thought she had been lured from the house around 4am. Lured because there were no signs of a struggle in the house and the kids had not woken up. Once outside they thought she had likely been forced into a vehicle since she would never leave the kids home alone in the middle of the night. And since she also had to be at her job as a Personal Support Worker by 7am, there was very little chance that she'd just up and gone for a joyride at 4am. Since there wasn't much I could do there other than watching the police scurrying about I decided to go home and await developments. The detective in charge assured me they'd call as soon as any information became available. When I got home I started calling friends and relatives and by noon I had a house full of anxious and worried people who were trading theories and trying to reassure me and each other that it would all be okay. To this day my most vivid memory of that whole crazy time was when two police cars followed by an unmarked car pulled up in front of my house.I looked up at my kitchen clock and at all the stunned faces in the room. It was exactly 5:03 pm when two officers and a detective got out of the unmarked car and knocked on my front door. They were followed by two women who had been in the first police cruiser. I opened the door and knew by the looks on all their faces what they were about to tell me. A farmer west of town was out checking his property that afternoon. He had found a burned out car and in that car were what appeared to be two badly burned bodies. The detective thought it might be my daughter and her ex. "Might be?" I yelled. "Is it her or isn't it?" The officers looked at each other and then at me as the detective answered "We believe it's her." At this point I sat down in my chair and just stared into space as the detective started talking about the investigation,autopsy, evidence and some other stuff I wasn't paying much attention to. Everyone else in the house went quiet and apart from some sobs and sniffles it was deathly still. Sensing that some of the others and I were about to lose it the ladies with the officers (who were grief counselors) took over as the officers stood by. After half an hour or so I told them all I would like to be alone with my friends and family and they left. The investigation into my daughter's murder never determined the exact cause of her death. All they could tell for sure was that she was already dead when the car burned because there was no soot in her throat. Ed, on the other hand, did die a horrible death as he incinerated himself in the flaming wreck. Sandra was a wonderful, devoted mother and a daughter any dad would be proud to have. She was studying to be a paramedic and was about to graduate with honors in spite of all her personal problems. Of course I still grieve her death to this very day. But, I also realized that life must go on and if I let my grief destroy me I'd be just as much a victim as her. Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you have any questions feel free to ask. Some of the last pictures taken of Sandra in 2005 On the fifth anniversary of her murder, me and some friends put together a little memorial for her. My 2 youngest grand kids are the ones playing in the machine. [link to www.youtube.com (secure)] Finally, one of the many news reports about her murder. All the papers listed her age as 32 but it was actually 29. [link to www.zoominfo.com] My thoughts and prayers, especially for her poor chlldren (your grandchildren). Please be kind to them no matter how crazy they might act. I lost a parent at a young age and "train wreck" is an understatement even though she only died of a disease. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 5933859 United States 10/21/2014 06:48 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
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Anonymous Coward User ID: 1550123 United States 10/21/2014 06:49 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | My ex-wife and I decided it would be best if she would take the kids. She has a large home and all the facilities needed to look after them properly. Her new husband was also quite supportive of the idea. It was pretty hard on her (my ex) getting back to being a full time parent after her own kids had grown up and moved out. But she did it happily and 9 years later they are still with her. I generally go visit the kids once a week or so, or they will often come and visit me. I am so sorry. It is awesome though that your grandkids have such wonderful grandparents. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 10715277 United States 10/21/2014 06:50 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Sorry for your loss. You are stonger than I would be if it had been one of my kids. I hope posting here makes the pain go away, at least for a while. Quoting: Epic Beard Guy It may not work for some people but for me talking about it has always been a good therapy. Thanks for your thoughts. You are a good person OP to do what is best for the kids after losing your daughter.It made me feel good to read that your ex wife has been able to care for them and that you see them on a regular basics.This had to be terrible for all family members especially the children.You are right in not letting this cause you to hate or let it ruin your life completely.The children will always need you and your ex wife. So sorry for your loss. |
Truther User ID: 49100475 United States 10/21/2014 06:50 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Very sorry for your loss there aren't enough words to express Quoting: Truther 49100475 anyone's feelings in this situation. I lost my daughter in 1987 to a suicide and my 18 year old son in 1995 to heroine overdose they were wonderful children and I can't handle fathers day at all. again Very sorry for your loss and your family and your daughter are in my prayers . God Bless . My prayers are with you as well. Burying your own children is the ultimate horror. Thank you, unfortunately there are many of us parents that have suffered losses and I wish for all some way to go on but when anniversaries,holidays,birthdays,mothers and fathers day comes around it seems to open the wounds all over again. Thank you and God Bless . |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 64246992 New Zealand 10/21/2014 06:51 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 61974406 United States 10/21/2014 06:54 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | thanks for sharing today in one of my Bible studies we talked about this as many in the room had some kind of story, nothing like this all I can tell you if you believe tou will see her again and Romans 12 Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 64187441 United States 10/21/2014 06:54 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Very sorry for your loss there aren't enough words to express Quoting: Truther 49100475 anyone's feelings in this situation. I lost my daughter in 1987 to a suicide and my 18 year old son in 1995 to heroine overdose they were wonderful children and I can't handle fathers day at all. again Very sorry for your loss and your family and your daughter are in my prayers . God Bless . Love and best thoughts your way Truther. :cryangel: I honestly believe some day it will all make sense and be OK. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 10715277 United States 10/21/2014 06:56 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Sorry to hear of your tragedy, but here's where you failed her as a father. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 60378884 "When my daughter refused several times to take him back the threats started. "Sandra, if you don't take me back I'm going to kill my self" or "Take me back or I'll kill you."" I take it you don't own a gun or anything? I mean, you told us he was a drugged out zombie by then. The outcome was going to be the same for that loser either way, except, he took out your daughter, robbed the children of their mom and everyone else who loved your girl. Any of you bleeding heart liberals who want gun control, let this be a lesson to you. Sometimes a man's got to do what a man's got to do and sadly, OP didn't do it. You two need to get professional help before you hurt someone. This thread is not the place for such stupidity. |
Heath loves Earth
User ID: 31078481 United States 10/21/2014 06:57 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | October 27, 2005 The day my world was turned upside down forever. Quoting: my 2 cents As the 9th anniversary of this day approaches I thought I'd share this story with my fellow GLPers. It's not something I mention very often, but find that talking about it always helps. Thursday, October 27, 2005 started out like any other day. I was up by 6 AM and out the door and on my way to work by 7. I made a quick stop at the local coffee shop, grabbed one to go and was at work by 7:30. Around 9:30, just as I was sitting down for a break, my boss opened the door to my work area and handed me the phone. I was surprised to hear my ex-wife, who I very rarely talked to, on the other end telling me I better get home quick because our daughter Sandra (age 29) was missing. "Huh?, what?, she's missing? What's going on?" Well, she said in a panicked voice "I went to her place this morning at 6am as usual to babysit the (grand) kids. But she wasn't there and the front door wasn't closed." "The kids" she said (2 boys 11, and 2 and one girl 4) "were all in there beds sound asleep but no sign of Sandra." I was already in a daze as I swallowed hard and asked "Have the police been called?" "Yes", my ex replied "and they are very, very concerned, especially since Ed has been making so many threats against her lately." Ed was the man my daughter had recently separated from. They'd been together for 12 years and gave me my 3 beautiful grandchildren. About 3 years before they split up something had changed with Ed. He quit working and started doing drugs day and night. He started hanging out with some real losers and had all but given up on being a dad. My daughter cajoled, pleaded and pretty much begged him to get a grip and start being the man he once was. But it was all to no avail. Finally, at wits end she told him he had to leave, but left open the possibility of reconciling if he would only change his ways. But instead of changing he kept getting worse and was rapidly becoming a drug addled zombie. When my daughter refused several times to take him back the threats started. "Sandra, if you don't take me back I'm going to kill my self" or "Take me back or I'll kill you." As frightened as she was she never wavered in her refusal to take him back, and instead applied for and received a restraining order against him. The restraining order never did do much good as he continued to harass her without the police doing more than giving him repeated warnings. I put the phone down, stuck my head in the bosses door and told him I had a family emergency and had to go home. "No problem" he said. "Hope everything is okay" Even then I had a horrible feeling that everything was definitely not okay. I wasn't sure where to go first so I went straight to my daughter's house. A chill ran up and down my spine as I turned on to her street. It was blocked off on both ends and anyone who didn't have business being there was being turned around. I remember walking past a van that was labeled "forensics unit" as well as a canine unit truck and more police cars and vans than I could count. As I approached her house which was also cordoned off I heard my ex saying "there he is." Accompanied by two detectives she ran up to me and gave me a hug. She was a mess and I could tell by looking at her that she was totally distraught. By now I was as much a mess as she was. The two detectives asked me some questions and I suppose, being satisfied that I had nothing to do with Sandra's disappearance answered some of my own questions. As near as they could tell they thought she had been lured from the house around 4am. Lured because there were no signs of a struggle in the house and the kids had not woken up. Once outside they thought she had likely been forced into a vehicle since she would never leave the kids home alone in the middle of the night. And since she also had to be at her job as a Personal Support Worker by 7am, there was very little chance that she'd just up and gone for a joyride at 4am. Since there wasn't much I could do there other than watching the police scurrying about I decided to go home and await developments. The detective in charge assured me they'd call as soon as any information became available. When I got home I started calling friends and relatives and by noon I had a house full of anxious and worried people who were trading theories and trying to reassure me and each other that it would all be okay. To this day my most vivid memory of that whole crazy time was when two police cars followed by an unmarked car pulled up in front of my house.I looked up at my kitchen clock and at all the stunned faces in the room. It was exactly 5:03 pm when two officers and a detective got out of the unmarked car and knocked on my front door. They were followed by two women who had been in the first police cruiser. I opened the door and knew by the looks on all their faces what they were about to tell me. A farmer west of town was out checking his property that afternoon. He had found a burned out car and in that car were what appeared to be two badly burned bodies. The detective thought it might be my daughter and her ex. "Might be?" I yelled. "Is it her or isn't it?" The officers looked at each other and then at me as the detective answered "We believe it's her." At this point I sat down in my chair and just stared into space as the detective started talking about the investigation,autopsy, evidence and some other stuff I wasn't paying much attention to. Everyone else in the house went quiet and apart from some sobs and sniffles it was deathly still. Sensing that some of the others and I were about to lose it the ladies with the officers (who were grief counselors) took over as the officers stood by. After half an hour or so I told them all I would like to be alone with my friends and family and they left. The investigation into my daughter's murder never determined the exact cause of her death. All they could tell for sure was that she was already dead when the car burned because there was no soot in her throat. Ed, on the other hand, did die a horrible death as he incinerated himself in the flaming wreck. Sandra was a wonderful, devoted mother and a daughter any dad would be proud to have. She was studying to be a paramedic and was about to graduate with honors in spite of all her personal problems. Of course I still grieve her death to this very day. But, I also realized that life must go on and if I let my grief destroy me I'd be just as much a victim as her. Thanks for taking the time to read this. If you have any questions feel free to ask. Some of the last pictures taken of Sandra in 2005 On the fifth anniversary of her murder, me and some friends put together a little memorial for her. My 2 youngest grand kids are the ones playing in the machine. [link to www.youtube.com (secure)] Finally, one of the many news reports about her murder. All the papers listed her age as 32 but it was actually 29. [link to www.zoominfo.com] I am so sorry for your loss! *hugs* |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 64187441 United States 10/21/2014 06:57 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Sorry to hear of your tragedy, but here's where you failed her as a father. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 60378884 "When my daughter refused several times to take him back the threats started. "Sandra, if you don't take me back I'm going to kill my self" or "Take me back or I'll kill you."" I take it you don't own a gun or anything? I mean, you told us he was a drugged out zombie by then. The outcome was going to be the same for that loser either way, except, he took out your daughter, robbed the children of their mom and everyone else who loved your girl. Any of you bleeding heart liberals who want gun control, let this be a lesson to you. Sometimes a man's got to do what a man's got to do and sadly, OP didn't do it. You two need to get professional help before you hurt someone. This thread is not the place for such stupidity. Yes both incredibly twisted. |
**Watcher**
User ID: 64069170 United States 10/21/2014 07:01 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Your daughter was a beautiful woman! I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You are in my prayers as this sad anniversary approaches. Let Jesus Christ be your comfort. "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus Christ is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved." Romans 10:9 "It will be good for those servants whose master finds them WATCHING when he comes..."Luke 12:37 <"}}}>< (me) ><{{{"> <"}}}>< |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 5933859 United States 10/21/2014 07:03 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
FlashBuzzkill
User ID: 26255514 United States 10/21/2014 07:04 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | As a father of 4 I cannot begin to imagine the pain and horror you have been through. Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your angel. One day you will be together again, never to be parted. Gen. John B Gordon and Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest were the finest citizen-soldiers birthed in America. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 19060250 United States 10/21/2014 07:04 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
cookie User ID: 828977 United States 10/21/2014 07:04 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
cookie User ID: 828977 United States 10/21/2014 07:06 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Sorry to hear of your tragedy, but here's where you failed her as a father. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 60378884 "When my daughter refused several times to take him back the threats started. "Sandra, if you don't take me back I'm going to kill my self" or "Take me back or I'll kill you."" I take it you don't own a gun or anything? I mean, you told us he was a drugged out zombie by then. The outcome was going to be the same for that loser either way, except, he took out your daughter, robbed the children of their mom and everyone else who loved your girl. Any of you bleeding heart liberals who want gun control, let this be a lesson to you. Sometimes a man's got to do what a man's got to do and sadly, OP didn't do it. You two need to get professional help before you hurt someone. This thread is not the place for such stupidity. Yes both incredibly twisted. That quote is absolutely rude and uncalled for. OP, he's just trolling you. |
Lady V
User ID: 62393691 United States 10/21/2014 07:07 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 28543046 United States 10/21/2014 07:09 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | This case highlights the problem of the hatemongers who insist on handing out restraining orders like candy. Because men and children get screwed over with even the slightest accusation from a woman just dilutes resources that could go to help abused spouses and children who are truly in danger. |
Louve
User ID: 64112845 United States 10/21/2014 07:09 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | No words could express how I feel at the moment. God Bless you and much love to you and your Family. "Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams, Telling myself it's not as hard, hard, hard as it seems." "see, that's there we differ. you can learn a lot more in the journey than in the destination." ~eekers "Benghazi. We remembered you". ~JypsieWind |
my 2 cents
(OP) User ID: 60779794 Canada 10/21/2014 07:10 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | my 2 cents . . . Quoting: Sloane I could just sit and cry with you right now. My heart goes out to you. GLP is an amazing place - to be able to share your pain. :abundance: Yes, GLP is truly an amazing place. I'm nearly overwhelmed by the outpouring of compassion I've experienced here today. Bless you. Patriotism is supporting your country always -- and your government when they deserve it. Mark Twain Those who beat their swords into plowshares usually end up plowing for those who kept their swords. -Benjamin Franklin |
Dragondreamz
User ID: 63048412 United States 10/21/2014 07:15 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | As someone who had a hard time letting go of a previous relationship I implore all people to let it go. I am glad you are here to share your story. It makes me realize that I have made the right decision. Keep spreading your experience. You are an impact in people's lives, so keep being the positive force you are. Again, thank you. Love is all that is. |
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