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WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?

 
Sense and Sensibility
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08/19/2006 10:15 AM
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WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
There are far too many to choose from but this is amongst the best in my books -

George W. Bush's Intelligence Quiz

While visiting England, George W. Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please answer this question: Your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning to Washington, he decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. He summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

"Uh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now look here Colin Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother, or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you dumb ass."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!" And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb ass, It's Tony Blair!"


If you know of any sites (other than www.about.com which is where I found this one) which contain new/different jokes a link would be appreciated.
"There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root" -
Henry D. Thoreau
Sense and Sensibility  (OP)

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08/19/2006 10:44 AM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
Sorry folks the above-mentioned link is [link to politicalhumor.about.com]
"There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root" -
Henry D. Thoreau
Soothsayer

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08/19/2006 10:51 AM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
Nothing can be funnier than the actual words from Bush's own mouth.


Top 10 Bushisms

10) "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream." —LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000

9) "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." —Greater Nashua, N.H., Jan. 27, 2000

8) "I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." —second presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

7) "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." —Saginaw, Mich., Sept. 29, 2000

6) "You work three jobs? … Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." —to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

5) "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." —Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

4) "They misunderestimated me." —Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

3) "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" —Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

2) "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." —Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

1) "There's an old saying in Tennessee — I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again." —Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002
COGITO, ERGO, SUM
Lily

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08/19/2006 10:53 AM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
George Bush is a huge international joke. Trouble is that it ain't funny anymore
Manticore

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08/19/2006 10:55 AM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
"I am driven with a mission from God. God would tell me, 'George go and fight these terrorists in Afghanistan'. And I did. And then God would tell me 'George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq'. And I did."

When I read that, I literally said "Whaaaa?!".
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2006 11:18 AM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
bush ain't funny
Sense and Sensibility  (OP)

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08/19/2006 04:50 PM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
bush ain't funny
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 127099

I agree, but he sure as hell makes us laugh!
"There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root" -
Henry D. Thoreau
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2006 04:56 PM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
"The first reaction, of course, of Hezbollah and its supporters is, declare victory. I guess I would have done the same thing if I were them. "

[link to www.whitehouse.gov]


"Mission Accomplished"
Sense and Sensibility  (OP)

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08/19/2006 04:59 PM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
Here's another -

[link to politicalhumor.about.com]

The Coded Message

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let the President know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:

370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.

With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
"There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root" -
Henry D. Thoreau
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2006 05:00 PM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2006 05:34 PM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
[link to utah.indymedia.org]

"I can assure you, we won't be putting money into a society which is not transparent and corrupt, and I suspect other countries won't either." --Reuters

< [link to story.news.yahoo.com] >, 06.26.02
Sense and Sensibility  (OP)

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08/19/2006 05:47 PM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
[link to utah.indymedia.org]

"I can assure you, we won't be putting money into a society which is not transparent and corrupt, and I suspect other countries won't either." --Reuters

< [link to story.news.yahoo.com] >, 06.26.02
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 133182

Isn't he a scream! Thanks for the new links - the first is bursting with new "bushisms" so I haven't read it all just yet! The second (link) doesn't seem to work - I'm not familiar with Yahoo ... was 06.26.02 a "search" date, if so it didn't bring up anything! Am I doing something wrong?
"There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root" -
Henry D. Thoreau
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2006 06:13 PM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
Sorry, don't remember exactly but it was something like this:

"Our enemies are resourceful; so are we. They try to kill american citizens; so do we." lol :-D
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2006 06:14 PM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
Whats 16 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole?





















Dubyas tie
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2006 08:34 PM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
"do you have blacks, too?"

bush asks president of brazil
by Der Spiegel (Germany) - June. 17, 2002

It is said, that, before September 11, George W. Bush thought the Taliban were a Bavarian brass band. Now, thanks to his comprehensive knowledge, the most powerful man in the world has got into hot water again.
Washington - It was Condoleezza Rice, national security advisor, who helped her boss out of the embarassing situation. During a conversation between the two presidents, George W. Bush, 55, (USA) and Fernando Henrique Cardoso, 71, (Brazil), Bush bewildered his colleague with the question "Do you have blacks, too?"

Rice, 47, noticing how astonished the Brazilian was, saved the day by telling Bush "Mr. President, Brazil probably has more blacks than the USA. Some say it's the Country with the most blacks outside Africa." Later, the Brazilian president Cardoso said: regarding Latin America, Bush was still in his "learning phase".

[link to www.disinfo.com]
Nero
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08/19/2006 08:49 PM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
Greasy little texas monkey and its mother
Nero
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08/19/2006 08:50 PM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
Greasy little drunken texas monkey and its mother. That's better . . .
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2006 08:51 PM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
Every time he speaks he raises the bar so I'm still waiting for the best Bushism.
Iconoclast

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08/19/2006 08:53 PM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
"Mission Accomplished"

or

"Bring it on"

:dubya: gwdance
ToadMaster

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08/19/2006 09:00 PM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
I guess all of that there inner-breeding between jack-offs finally bit that there freemasonry in the butt.
:toadmaster:
Anonymous Coward
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08/19/2006 09:12 PM
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Re: WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE "BUSH JOKE" OR "BUSHISM"?
Every time he speaks he raises the bar so I'm still waiting for the best Bushism.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 133252


I agree.

The best material is always in the future for this fool.

He always seems to be able to one up himself.

This is bush.

It always brings me to tears, but I can't quite figure out if it is disgust, or laughter, or pity, or whatever.

I only know one thing, and I say this as a die hard republican.

This man needs to go.





GLP