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| 06:36 AM | ||
| Users Online Now: 1,352 (Who's On?) | Visitors Today: 317,498 | |
| Pageviews Today: 507,862 | Threads Today: 161 | Posts Today: 2,989 |
| 06:36 AM | ||
My daughter is dating a Married man and does not care.... what do I do. | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 67537415  United States04/03/2015 12:27 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 67537415 United States04/03/2015 12:28 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Elfsong
(OP) User ID: 68804893 United States04/03/2015 12:30 AM  Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | My daughter brought her Boyfriend home the other day to introduce him to the family. Everything was going fine until she admitted that he was married. When I asked him bluntly if he was separated from his wife and what his intentions were, he stated that he was not separated and that he had no intentions of leaving his wife. Quoting: Elfsong My daughter could see that I was in shock, she quickly explained that she had met his wife and that she was perfectly ok with her husband dating my daughter. After all, she was dating on the side too. When I tuned to look at him, he was smiling and told me.. "Oh don't worry, I have been fixed, there will be no children. And I do not plan on getting divorced." I left before I said something that I should not have. I could only think that if they were both dating other people, why did they even get married? In raising my daughter, I taught her that you do not "Poach other women's men" end of story. The man is a sleazeball. Now what do I do? Why don't you have her father have a gentle word with her. I wish I could... father passed away when she was 1yr old. I have had to be a single mother since 1989... Did not remarry because a lot of men did not like the idea of taking on a made to order family. So, when she became 19, I finished taking care of her and started taking care of me. Found a man 7 years ago and found happiness. Both of us Widowers. working with Positive Thoughts will result in Positive Outcomes. |
| Elfsong
(OP) User ID: 68804893 United States04/03/2015 12:31 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | ... Quoting: Anonymous Coward 31310212 amoral? and how is it amoral exactly? amoral in your subjective opinion. you must be a member of one of the abrahamic religions. ignorant and self righteous. morality should be really simple. do not hurt another person. physically or psychologically. do not violate the will of another person. do what you want but harm none is the best morality there is. was an old pagan saying before satanists took it and made it simply do what thou wilt. excluding the harm none part. theirs is do what you want even at the expense of others. your kind, the religious want to lord over other people with a sense of superiority. you fuck everything up with your self righteousness. you have a problem with love and sharing love. you have a personal problem. ego and jealousy plagues you and that is why you can never share a loved one with someone else. But this girl is doing harm. She is harming her parent, if no one else. You maybe doing harm too, with your judgmental and self righteous post. You used your subjective opinion to decide you had the right to give your view on morality. she is not harming her parent. she is simply living her life. her parent is causing herself anguish due to her own displeasure with deviation from her subjective construct of morality. A-Class Progressive Bullshit right here Thank you... working with Positive Thoughts will result in Positive Outcomes. |
| Elfsong
(OP) User ID: 68804893 United States04/03/2015 12:33 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | the reason your daughter is a whore is most likely because you treated her as daddys little girl that could do no wrong while she was growing up. Or you went the other extreme and went all fascist. Either way, she didnt get what she needed from you as a father growing up. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 36856980 A girl's first relationship with men is based on the relationship with thier dad. Somewhere along the line you messed up big time and now have raised a slut with no morals and no shame. tsk tsk Possibly some truth here, but don't forget how corrupt the modern world is. No matter how hard you try to raise them right, chances are they will be corrupted by peers at school (not to mention school itself), media, etc. There was no father in her life. Her father passed away when she was but a year old. And I did not raise her to be a Slut... that was unkind and wrong. working with Positive Thoughts will result in Positive Outcomes. |
| Elfsong
(OP) User ID: 68804893 United States04/03/2015 12:37 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | How old is your daughter? Quoting: stillhere What no one has mentioned is that while she is dating the unavaible for marriage man she may be giving up the opportunity of meeting someone who is available. Reverse psychology may work. Invite him to spend holidays with your family and watch her lose interest. Sounds like she is confusing sex with love. Does she have a father? Are you married to him? Hopefully this experience will provide her with knowledge of what she needs in the future. Let her learn this lesson. Thank you for asking... you are the first one that has actually shown an interest about certain points in the matter.. She is now turning 27 and her father passed away when she was but a year old. I did not remarry, choosing instead to dedicate my life to work and taking care of her and her brother. I have only recently remarried (after I turned 50)... working with Positive Thoughts will result in Positive Outcomes. |
| Elfsong
(OP) User ID: 68804893 United States04/03/2015 12:40 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Your daughter is now an adult can legally do as she pleases. I assume the values she’s now flaunting are very different from what she was taught or otherwise you would not be posting here! (would you?) Quoting: Anonymous Coward 58700537 My daughter is now 28. She was loved and adored all of her life. But she has her own beliefs, values, and lives her own life. I think that most of her life stinks and I am afraid she’s turned into a very selfish young woman who cares little for anyone or anything other than herself. Sad. But all I can do is pray for her. Perhaps God can and will do for her what I could not - although I tried. What she does, who she dates, and whether or not she thinks “dating” a married man is a wise or even decent thing to do is up to her now. I’ve seen dozens of marriages broken up by this kind of infidelity. I have NEVER seen the newly formed “couple” get “happily ever after” - in fact most of them are guilt-ridden and end up breaking up the new marriage. You cannot build your life on the foundation of another person’s misery. If you are the reason a marriage ends, then you will pay for that somehow. Married folk are “off limits” to date, sleep with, etc. Break that old rule and it’s going to cost you eventually. And usually the price is very high! Yes... my daughter is turning 27 and I did not raise her to live her life this way. I raised her with a couple of different rules. one of the them states that "Thou Shalt Not Poach.. ie: You are to respect the sanctity of Marriage, Engagements and Family. working with Positive Thoughts will result in Positive Outcomes. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 67537415 United States04/03/2015 12:41 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Your daughter is now an adult can legally do as she pleases. I assume the values she’s now flaunting are very different from what she was taught or otherwise you would not be posting here! (would you?) Quoting: Anonymous Coward 58700537 My daughter is now 28. She was loved and adored all of her life. But she has her own beliefs, values, and lives her own life. I think that most of her life stinks and I am afraid she’s turned into a very selfish young woman who cares little for anyone or anything other than herself. Sad. But all I can do is pray for her. Perhaps God can and will do for her what I could not - although I tried. What she does, who she dates, and whether or not she thinks “dating” a married man is a wise or even decent thing to do is up to her now. I’ve seen dozens of marriages broken up by this kind of infidelity. I have NEVER seen the newly formed “couple” get “happily ever after” - in fact most of them are guilt-ridden and end up breaking up the new marriage. You cannot build your life on the foundation of another person’s misery. If you are the reason a marriage ends, then you will pay for that somehow. Married folk are “off limits” to date, sleep with, etc. Break that old rule and it’s going to cost you eventually. And usually the price is very high! Yes... my daughter is turning 27 and I did not raise her to live her life this way. I raised her with a couple of different rules. one of the them states that "Thou Shalt Not Poach.. ie: You are to respect the sanctity of Marriage, Engagements and Family. Tell his wife ffs he is a slimeball |
| Elfsong
(OP) User ID: 68804893 United States04/03/2015 12:47 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You raised a WHORE. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 68797103 Kick her the fuck out NOW. If not, shut the fuck up. You made your bed, now lie in it. You are a callous person. From your response it is apparent that you have never really had a family unit. Family does not simply kick another family member out because of something like this. You step back, let them fall on their face and then help them up and give them a hug. You on the other hand seems to have never experienced a loving family setting or love. working with Positive Thoughts will result in Positive Outcomes. |
| Elfsong
(OP) User ID: 68804893 United States04/03/2015 12:49 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Tell her what you think, and how disappointed you are. Quoting: jennilicious Don't welcome him around - welcome her, but not him. That's just the way it is. Always be there for her so she knows she has an "out". Don't berate her about it for this reason ... when she runs from it, she will need someone to run to who will love her unconditionally. Then I think you're going to have to let her learn the hard way, because she WILL learn this one the hard way. She will learn that no good and only pain will come of this. There probably will not be a second married man, and she will definitely have some hard times to work through, but she will learn. Good luck  PS ... Don't disown your daughter. People make mistakes ... good people do bad things sometimes ... the heart and the hormones are unpredictable and crazy ... she's going to need you when the hard lesson hits her over the head. She will come out of this a different person, and the person you disown will not be the same person that comes out of it. She will have learned, and it would be awful to permanently sever the relationship as she learns and grows and builds a future. Always love her. She will always be there for you and you for her. That's the most important thing, as people grow and learn from their mistakes. Thank you Jenn... I appreciate your advice. working with Positive Thoughts will result in Positive Outcomes. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 65811239 United States04/03/2015 12:50 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Daggo
User ID: 21958880 United States04/03/2015 12:51 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Elfsong
(OP) User ID: 68804893 United States04/03/2015 12:54 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Is this really you OP? Quoting: Base12 Thread: Christians and Hate Crimes... "I am pagan, officer, not a satanist. By general definition anyone not of Abraham faith are pagan, including Buddhists. I am Wiccan, a recognized faith by the united states military. Quoting: Elfsong With all due respect, what you are experiencing is called "reaping what you sow". You are trolling right? I mean... You have the audacity to not only get upset about what happened but now you come here to complain? To top it all off you are looking for advice? Really? OK, but if you really are serious, you know what the answer is. My advice would be to start here... Although I'm sure your answer would be something like... "Christianity degrades women". Too bad the irony is lost on you.  No.. that was not my quote... Even though I am Pagan.. I am a very strict Pagan. In fact, some of our Laws are stricter than the 10 Commandants. working with Positive Thoughts will result in Positive Outcomes. |
| Elfsong
(OP) User ID: 68804893 United States04/03/2015 12:55 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Elfsong
(OP) User ID: 68804893 United States04/03/2015 12:57 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Unfortunately, there's little you can actively do to convince your daughter that she's making bad decisions. If I were you, I wouldn't let this married man come to any family functions or come to your house. You don't have to entertain people, in your own home, who you disapprove of. As for your daughter, I know that, right now, she thinks things are just fine. But, as a woman, I know that it's very difficult to love someone who will never consider marrying me. The whole "dating a married man" (whether he and his wife have an open marriage or not), thing is a recipe for heartache and pain. I know your daughter doesn't realize this now and she may have to learn the hard way that these situations are very, very rarely good for anyone. I know how hard this must be for you. You certainly should feel free to make your displeasure known, but I wouldn't cut her off from contact with you, because she needs a mother who has some sense and loves her. She'll really need you when the whole thing blows up on her one day. Then, you will be there to help her pick up the pieces of her shattered dreams and, hopefully, she will have learned a very hard lesson about life and love. Quoting: sashita Pick up the pieces is right. He will dump her for sure. Just be there for her. Boyfriends come and go, Moms and daughters are forever, like it or not. You are more right than you ever can imagine. Thank you for your support. working with Positive Thoughts will result in Positive Outcomes. |
| Elfsong
(OP) User ID: 68804893 United States04/03/2015 01:00 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Excuse me...she was eating her mother's food that she prepared. It's both presumptuous, narcissistic and rude to impose on another while withholding news like that. Had her mother known beforehand, they wouldn't have been over for dinner. Correct... if I had known, he would NEVER been allowed in the house. She is always welcome. He can find a park bench to sleep on. working with Positive Thoughts will result in Positive Outcomes. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 63729604 United States04/03/2015 01:06 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 67928791  Canada04/03/2015 01:06 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Others may have better advice as to what to do, but for sure as it's your daughter, that ain't cool. Some very poor decisions from both of them, definitely don't allow him into anything you do as a family, he said he's fixed don't worry about kids, so he's in it just for sex with that comment. Of course she's probably of age to do what she wants but, poor judgement and morals from them, hopefully they end it soon. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 15876965 United States04/03/2015 01:16 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | This sounds more like a daughter/parent issue than anything. A daughter would have to have a certain desire to antagonize her parent to put the parent through this. She's trying to cause pain. Any young woman with common sense that gets involved in a relationship like this would hide it, rather than flaunt it. Something's going on in this parent/daughter relationship that's making the daughter want to shove this shit in Mom or Dad's face. I'll bet she's punishing you for something. You'll have to figure out what. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 68805376  India04/03/2015 01:47 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Excuse me...she was eating her mother's food that she prepared. It's both presumptuous, narcissistic and rude to impose on another while withholding news like that. Had her mother known beforehand, they wouldn't have been over for dinner. Correct... if I had known, he would NEVER been allowed in the house. She is always welcome. He can find a park bench to sleep on. the girl is taking revenge on you for being single mother..she blames you for absent father.That is not yor fault but logic does not enter here happens with all the single mothers.their children grow up and have their own ideas of life and usually end up tormenting their single mothers just talk with her once and try to convince..she will grow out of it |
| Elfsong
(OP) User ID: 68804893 United States04/03/2015 02:04 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Excuse me...she was eating her mother's food that she prepared. It's both presumptuous, narcissistic and rude to impose on another while withholding news like that. Had her mother known beforehand, they wouldn't have been over for dinner. Correct... if I had known, he would NEVER been allowed in the house. She is always welcome. He can find a park bench to sleep on. the girl is taking revenge on you for being single mother..she blames you for absent father.That is not yor fault but logic does not enter here happens with all the single mothers.their children grow up and have their own ideas of life and usually end up tormenting their single mothers just talk with her once and try to convince..she will grow out of it Thank you... I hope that she does. working with Positive Thoughts will result in Positive Outcomes. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 65866010 United States04/03/2015 02:24 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | You came here to have your supposed moral authority to both intervene and judge them reinforced and nothing more. This is none of your business and everyone who is involved knows the situation and is okay with it. What you do is share your opinion on the emotional toll this may take and tell her the truth that this is very unlikely to manifest into a serious relationship, once that is understood, stay out of it. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 62035129  Finland04/03/2015 02:27 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 68803824  France04/03/2015 02:28 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Your daughter is a whore and you know it.. so she is a failure as a person and you feel it makes you a failure as a parent.. also you are a total control freak and sound psychotic.. maybe you should get out and about a bit.. or maybe you are just mad cause the asshole she is dating made a pass at you and you where so excited you didnt know what to do or make of it.. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 68803824 France04/03/2015 02:28 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 68781884 United States04/03/2015 02:31 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 5378660 United States04/03/2015 02:34 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 65233279  Greece04/03/2015 02:46 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 34760435 United States04/03/2015 03:34 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | For people who say mind your own business.... This is her business. It is her daughter. She may not be stuck with a baby but an STD and a broken heart are strong possibilities. Also..... They claim the wife is okay with it. Do we really know that? Maybe she is not okay with it but accepts it because her husband is insistent on being allowed to have multiple lovers. |
| Anonymous Coward User ID: 68775487  Australia04/03/2015 03:48 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
