REPORT COPYRIGHT VIOLATION IN REPLY
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Message Subject
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The VOID
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Poster Handle
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Anonymous Coward |
Post Content
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I'm not going to live very long compared to most people. And it's not because I'm ever going to kill myself again. I won't do that every again. Its something else. Something I feel in my body. I'm perfectly healthy according to any doctor, but I have a huge intuition about, that something is growing within me that I cannot fight or change. I kind of tear up thinking about it, not because I'm scared to die, but because I know it will leave a lot of sadness behind, and because it makes time so much more poignant. Part of it comes from my life being so condensed - all of my development has come so rapidly because some guiding force knows I only have so much time. Until it is up, I know I am totally protected. But I know that my time will run out before most people's. Not soon, not yet, but sooner than most.
I'm not afraid, but I know something now. A true connection, a heart connection, a love, is something simple and essential and all intellectual transcendence means nothing without love to make it whole. I am finally emerging from something so dark and when I was all alone I couldn't see it.
I feel the bad thing in me growing, and I guess it makes me a little sad, but I truly believe I will live a rich full and rewarding life before my death eventually happens. Some things we just know to be true...I finally have some trust...faith is a covenant. An ark....
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