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Message Subject The VOID
Poster Handle Anonymous Coward
Post Content
I'm not going to live very long compared to most people. And it's not because I'm ever going to kill myself again. I won't do that every again. Its something else. Something I feel in my body. I'm perfectly healthy according to any doctor, but I have a huge intuition about, that something is growing within me that I cannot fight or change. I kind of tear up thinking about it, not because I'm scared to die, but because I know it will leave a lot of sadness behind, and because it makes time so much more poignant. Part of it comes from my life being so condensed - all of my development has come so rapidly because some guiding force knows I only have so much time. Until it is up, I know I am totally protected. But I know that my time will run out before most people's. Not soon, not yet, but sooner than most.

I'm not afraid, but I know something now. A true connection, a heart connection, a love, is something simple and essential and all intellectual transcendence means nothing without love to make it whole. I am finally emerging from something so dark and when I was all alone I couldn't see it.

I feel the bad thing in me growing, and I guess it makes me a little sad, but I truly believe I will live a rich full and rewarding life before my death eventually happens. Some things we just know to be true...I finally have some trust...faith is a covenant. An ark....
 
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