Did you know there are people so gentle that...

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John Gottman has a lot to say about human interactions. He deals primarily with marriage and parental counseling, but what are these but relationships and every encounter is a relationship - how we relate to people.

Poor communication is taught, and we are pre-disposed to it. Emotion trumps reason until we can become aware of our reactivity and see that our reactivity is not benefitial to the encounter, a negative encounter is not benefitial to the relationship, and negative relationships are not benefitial to humanity.

So please help yourself become aware and become better.

Gaelic saying:

"Coimhéad fearg fhear na foighde"

Translation:

"Beware of the anger of a patient man"

"Patient man - be aware - you will experience anger, remain patient and do not react to it"

Interesting. I've found that it really depends on the individual.

I know some people who are quite callous, not in spite of the fact that they've led a sheltered life on Easy Street, but because of it. They have a hard time empathizing with people who are going through hardships that they themselves have never suffered. But, then again, I also know some people who were born with silver spoons in their mouths who are very gentle and caring.

I know some people who've been kicked around by life, and they've become very compassionate because of it. They know what it's like to suffer and they deeply empathize with the suffering of others. They will give you the shirt off their back even if it's the only shirt they've got. But, then again, I also know some people who've become very bitter due to the hardships they've suffered. They love to spread the misery. They lash out pre-emptively under the assumption that everyone they meet is going to end up hurting them sooner or later anyway, so they may as well be the first to do it. They use the pain they've suffered as an excuse to inflict pain on others, and they'll be the first to call someone they see suffering, a crybaby. They're quick to belittle another's pain and quick to launch into tales of their own terrible woes when they should be lending a sympathetic ear instead.

I have seen all these different types of people, and I have even seen individuals change from one type to the next over the course of their lives. I have seen callous people learn compassion, and I have seen formerly gentle people become harsh and bitter.

I have seen people go from rags to riches and even back to rags again, some becoming better for it and some becoming worse. I'm not sure how much money has to do with it or if money even has anything to do with it at all. I think a person's attitude towards money has more to do with the affect it has on him/her than the actual money (or lack of money) itself. A person does not have to be rich to be greedy, and a person does not have to be poor to experience great pain and hardship. Money cannot bring back the dead. Money cannot transport you back in time to undo all the things you've done which you now regret. And, I have seen people with money treated quite harshly -- their tragedies and pain belittled by those who think money should be able to buy happiness.

As for me, I have simulaneously softened and toughened up over time. I was a clueless, callous youth, but I developed compassion after suffering some hard knocks and learning a bit of humility. But, I have not become soft to the point of becoming mush. I understand the concept of tough love and why there are times when it's needed. (e.g. There was a time when a family member of mine had a terrible cocaine addiction, and I would not lend her money because I knew she would use it to buy coke, and I cared about her too much to help her finance her own self-destruction.)

I have been dirt poor and I have lived on Easy Street. And, it's taught me that money doesn't matter. It's nothing but a tool, and it should be used to do as much good as possible -- it should not be selfishly squandered. It took living on Easy Street for me to learn this though. Prior to that, I thought my problems would be solved if I just had more money. Now I am not living on Easy Street anymore; things have gotten much tougher, but I'm cool with it and have things in perspective. Money comes and goes. All it takes is one lawsuit or a serious illness to see your bank account go from 6 figures to 3 figures overnight. Money is not something you should hang your hopes on or place your faith in, and you should not allow a financial gain to make you arrogant or a financial loss to make you bitter.

IMHO, money (or the lack of money) does not change or TRULY affect a person's character; it's more like a mirror or, in some cases, a magnifying glass, revealing that which was already there.

Maybe, hardships (or the lack of hardships) work the same way, only serving to reveal that which was already there. Or maybe, as in the case of money, it's a person's attitude towards hardships that affects him/her more than the actual hardships do. I'm just thinking aloud. I still have much to learn, and I can't speak for other people; I can only speak for myself. How much of who we are and what we become is determined by that which happens outside of us? Or do circumstances have less of an affect on us than we believe, but rather magnify/reflect our own character back to us and out to others more than they actually change us? I'm afraid I have more questions than answers. I have changed as a person, and I'm not really sure what it was that caused me to change or if these things even really did cause me to change, if that makes any sense. I don't know why I changed or if I even really did. (The only real changes that occurred happened after I converted from atheism to Christianity, but that's a whole 'nother story.)

Jesus is The Best.

Oh no in my experience it's the opposite, people who have been through hell and come out the other side stronger, have far more empathy and compassion for those still caught in hell. Or the gentle people do anyway.

By nature I am gentle and caring.. By character, I do my best to live with rectitude.
By honor, I'm bound to do what's right by any means.

We should strive to find balance, yin and yang. The warrior resides in all of us, asleep.

If bees are attracted to his scent, then he has a sweet soul.

The thing about gentle people is they see the best in everyone. While they may not understand someone who hurts another person, they hold out hope that person will change.

Exactly what my best friend says she loves about me... lol

I have been called Buddha, Jesus reincarnation, a guardian angel... that I inspire ppl... all very flattening things.

But I am not a push over at all... for example at Occupy so many fights broke out, I was the ref, I would calm them down and instead of shouting at each other and interrupting I'd make ppl respect each other to get their points across without needing violence or aggression to solve the conflict, if someone interrupted the other I would tell them to shut up there and then with an aggressive stand and it works.

When anything nasty or bad happened they call me to fix it...

I have turned ppl that seem hell bent on fighting, filled with anger to them crying on the floor saying how sorry they are and telling me what's happened to them to make them that way.