Today is a rollercoaster for me emotionally. The thing I dreaded was to happen today. She was to be served by my lawyers. Well, the process server tried and she was not at work today. Which is odd. He was told that she was not in due to having to go to a lawyer. So service was not performed.

Now, this is not a good thing in the process. Yes, I am sitting here questioning why we are going through this. I look at the past and see everything that has happened. I see everything that was bad. I do see some of the good, but that is the birth of my children and the wedding day.

So now I am sitting here crying again. I am sitting here questioning why. I have made prayers to HIM asking for Him to open her heart. That the broken places in her will be healed and that she will see HIS words and actions as inspiration to work towards healing the marriage. I fully understand that she can make her own choices on the matter, but LORD let her know that reconciliation and working to heal our marriage is the path YOU want. Please also help our children through this difficult time. They are suffering through this and I ask you Lord to provide wisdom, protection, peace and strength for our children during this time. In Jesus name.

I know many have said to move on and forward. I am sitting here in that quandary of reconciliation and moving forward with the Divorce.

I have been angry, depressed, questioning myself. I have asked HIM to take control of these things and the divorce. I know I have to take these to HIM and allow HIM to have HIS way with me, staying in oneness with HIM and his plan. I just feel like it is only getting worse.