Mad World

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You know, surprisingly....
The winters here are quite cold.
Gets down to 30-40 degrees in the nighttime.
It's maybe 3pm at the moment, and it's 48 degrees right now.
I actually think it's rather neat.
Lots of rainy days, storms...
Though goddamn, the summers are hot.

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I find having them as post-shaped memories, it makes recall easier. Add GLP's flawless search function and memories as they were lived for the last 10 years, are at my fingertips.

I just remember key phrases, or images, or the theme. Usually phrases.

All alien pilots are Buddhas from Dion, was yesterday's search


It's why I repeat things as phrases and in italics.. It connects all the posts together I said them in and can go back and search that way.

It makes it easier for me.

I think I was primed that way to memorize by playing the tiled board game Memory as a young child.

I do have to be careful of what I view because I can remember and may not want to remember something I've seen.

My memory of images and film can be photographic and realistic when in recall.



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I think my biggest issue is that although I try to document everything and keep it in one place (even past stuff from glp, I have scraped most of it and put it in a google document), I have this huge and strange aversion to ever revisiting my old writing. Something about even the thought of it, really gets my anxiety going.

Of course, I will if there is some sort of goal in mind - to create new writing with reference to the past, or use it as some sort of reference material. But almost always, that situation doesn't crop up.

Do you have any memories that really fuck with you? Scratch that...I'm sure you do.

Some of the memories that randomly pervade my mind, are really really distressing. I try to pluck them out like whack-a-mole, with the knowledge and understanding they are likely trying to tell me something.
But whether I accept those memories and let them play out, or try to dismiss and release them, they seem to have their own agenda.

It's possible that the reason I avoid looking at the past so instinctively, is because I feel it might raise yet more specters from the dead.

There are some memories that I just can't make sense of, no matter how hard I try. Memories that my mind grapples desperately at a reasonable explanation for, or on the other side of the coin, at least a guarantee that no reasonable explanation exists. The space in the middle, the space in between, the uncertainty, really stings. It almost feels like trying to put a puzzle together and you are a few pieces from the end, and you realize that no matter how hard you look, those pieces will never appear. You'll have to accept the broken puzzle, so to speak...

I understand "radical acceptance", I have tried to "let go" of the more distressing memories, but my body and mind have their own motives and agendas. Why would they replay this way if they didn't want me to "complete" the puzzle?
But...I can't.
Double bind for ya...

I think you need to decide what you can reasonably carry and move forward. Let go of what doesn't serve your wellbeing as much as possible.

Self sabotage seemed to be your Achilles heel.


What have you been doing to keep busy in Texas?

I've been...trying to figure out what to do next, really.
I may pursue a cybersecurity course or two, given that it's a skill that is always in demand, and if I decide to move anywhere in the country really, it will be a guaranteed job.
I would have to start this coming semester though. I sort of missed the cutoff for the fall semester.

the other thing I have really wanted to do, been mulling over for a bit...
writing a book about the past 8 years, I think people would enjoy it

Sounds difficult. How much schooling is required?


That’s what I’ve always seen you doing. Have to wait for the right time and it will just come to you. Forcing it never works as well and produces an inferior outcome.

Even though we’ve be friends for 8 years, you’re still only 30. Have all the time in the world in front of you if you play your cards right and avoid dangerous people.


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Kanye claims he 'caught' Kim Kardashian having an affair with married Phoenix Suns player Chris Paul in Twitter blaze of glory before being banned by Elon Musk

Hulu doesn't love you, Kim. Disney does not love you, Kim. Come home, Kim. Come home to Christ.

'Go to God. Go to Jesus.
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https://imgur.com/a/o4DayPQ

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I try to imagine what it might be like to be forced into a stunt like this by my mentally ill and suddenly religious husband and all I can do is cringe.


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People who enable this kind of behavior have been instrumental in allowing what has occurred. If he was a smidge less insane than he seems I would surmise that he is trying to get out of paying child support.

$200,000/mo isn’t walking around money..

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@:37-:44

My question is what are they using Kanye to discredit?

It is reminiscent of picking the leader with the needed instability to necessitate the continual stream of cheap resources or adequate responses.

Sounds a lot like what drug dealers and pimps feast upon.

I pay no attention to popular culture as the massage is the same bias as the above.

The cybersecurity thing,
it's mostly about how much effort you are willing to put in.
The people I've talked to in the tech industry say it's really not about the schooling insomuch as your portfolio of skills.
So if you gain the skills even without schooling, it's evident very fast.
The reason I'd like to pursue schooling for it is just to have an extra basis for the foundation, really.

And the book, I'd say, is a definite. It's just about that feeling of the right time, the proper end point of the story. I don't think I'm quite there yet, though I do have an interesting 10 page starting draft at the moment.
I think people would like reading a book about some of this stuff.
Even if they didn't believe what was in it, it would be a hell of a ride.

Writing is cathartic. Even if no one else reads it, you will still have created something.

Cyber security sound like a dead end, if I'm to be brutally honest. Sounds like something that will sooner rather than later be relegated to AI.

Maybe I'm wrong being I have no background in cyber security but sound tedious and boring.

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Last Edited by Seer777 on 12/02/2022 04:44 PM

I was an asshole and i'm sorry, but i blame the fact i am insane.

I do not expect anyone to forgive me lol, it's all cool, hopefully one day you'll see is that the way i have presented on this forum is not all i am.

Best wished to all readers.

Morons?

https://imgur.com/a/dG7ySdr

Speaking of creating something just for the sake of creation..I have my new project lined up.

I was thinking of you, Japan, and Spirited Away when I chose it.


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talking is the best therapy. but when i read you, even when youre talking to seer, i only see someone talking to themselves! lol

i think you if don't make the book about yourself it won't be too boring, but you may have to dumb it down! lol

and keep it to a few hundred pages! lol

no need to thank me! lol

happy anniversary seer! 12/12! 10 years no doom! lol

if you lol

seer, yesterday i was thinking about you and billionaire influencers! lol

Funny you chose an image of Chappelle. Because, From his opinion, You just can't say certain things.

What are the easy answers and shortcuts presented?

Please take a picture when you are finished.
That looks like it'll turn out really neat!