Serious divorce question | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 3335473 United States 03/13/2016 11:36 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | 1. Get a lawyer. 2. Anything you doing going forward with your spouse, get it in right, both parties sign and notarized. 3. Get your moving mover/ moving supplies picked out and ready. 4. If you want to do it on the cheap, you can find a couple of laborers through a local service. Or like I did once, I went to lunch at a restaurant near the largest moving company in the area. A couple of guys showed up and I asked them if they would move me and got their hourly cash rate. It was very reasonable and I moved from a 3rd story apartment to a house for less than $400 (truck rental by the day, laborers, supplies). |
4thhorseman
User ID: 11956667 United States 03/13/2016 11:38 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I'm now facing a separation/divorce. Not happy about it, but life will go on. Quoting: faint I'm thinking logistics. I have so much stuff in that house, it will take forever to pack up. Obviously I don't want my kids to see this, so I assume we'd send them to a grandma's house for the weekend. If you got divorced, how difficult was it to pack up and move out? Thinking about it makes me want to hurl. This is the house we built together, and even though we've grown apart to this point, I cannot fathom leaving. I'll take friends with me. Was your ex there, watching everything? How does this work? Sorry if this seems like a stupid question, but I'm sort of numb and in shock and I don't know how to make heads or tails of it. Thanks. Did you cheat or did he? SICSEMPERTYRANIS Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum Vi veri universum vivus vici "There is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact". Arthur Conan Doyle "Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth". Arthur Conan Doyle MOLON LABE [link to www.usavsus.info] |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 17925879 United States 03/13/2016 11:39 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Don't leave without consulting a lawyer. My sister is going through a dvorce and I've gone with her to lawyer meetings. It's a tricky business now over assets and kids. Why are you the one leaving? Did you serve him papers or he serve you? If he wants a divorce he can move. If you have equity in house sell it or have him pay you your share. Her lawyer advised my sister not to leave, the lawyer was very adament on this point, otherwise, you are the one who "abandoned" the marraige and kids, it means less spousal support if etc. Talk to a lawyer. |
1 lung surfer
User ID: 45326329 United States 03/13/2016 11:45 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Quetzal785
User ID: 70633250 United States 03/15/2016 08:51 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
BRIEF
User ID: 39607259 United States 03/15/2016 10:13 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Sorry you're going through this. I am too and it sucks, but hopefully this kind of stuff can only make us stronger than ever! Quoting: Quetzal785 Why do you need to become stronger, are you planning another divorce in the future? I never forgive and I never forget I am a licensed firearm holder. I will, under protection of law, use lethal force if attacked. |
Quetzal785
User ID: 70633250 United States 03/16/2016 01:36 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Sorry you're going through this. I am too and it sucks, but hopefully this kind of stuff can only make us stronger than ever! Quoting: Quetzal785 Why do you need to become stronger, are you planning another divorce in the future? No, I meant when you're feeling down about this whole situation we can overcome it and feel stronger. I know was battling depression over this whole mess. I know now that I can better myself and become a better person. Quetzal785 |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 27858660 United States 03/16/2016 01:46 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground. Quoting: CrimsonBleu I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage. Where are the kids going to be? And where are you going to be? Dad is going to try to take the kids; I am going to fight this. I will be in an apartment or house depending on how the settlement works out and what sort of employment I find. It is a bad situation. Never, never, never leave your k7ds. Been there, done that, don't recommend it. Is dad closer to the kds than you? Because if you were the stay at home mom, closest with the kids, just leaving them with dad will be traumatic for them. Lawyer up. Alimony and child support exist for a reason. You're going to need both till you get your feet back under you. |
yep! User ID: 71420889 United States 03/16/2016 01:47 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
faint
(OP) User ID: 63454444 United States 03/18/2016 07:04 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Sorry you're going through this. I am too and it sucks, but hopefully this kind of stuff can only make us stronger than ever! Quoting: Quetzal785 Why do you need to become stronger, are you planning another divorce in the future? OMG BRIEF thanks for the levity! I truly appreciate everyone's advice. Here's a rundown: Neither of us cheated We just cannot get along We really haven't gotten along for 7+ years I'm closer to the kids by a wide margin I do not want the house because it's too expensive The downfall of the relationship started when he opened his own business and started funneling money without my knowledge and was never at home to boot - and still cannot tell me if the business has made any money (since Nov '14) because he "hasn't had time to do the books" (WTF?) This lead to me drinking and eventual rehab I had to get away from him when I got out because he was being beyond controlling and I could see a relapse coming The kids are in school, so I could not take them with right now :-( I plan to move back as soon as I find employment I wasn't the best wife in the world, and my addiction caused many fights, but I preferred to drink alone and (surprise) read GLP after the kids were in bed. He could not tolerate it. I'm talking to the kids more now, so that's good and I've lawyered up. So there it is, for better or worse (and richer or poorer*) *totally this Formerly faint |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 24374663 United States 03/18/2016 07:37 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 24374663 United States 03/18/2016 07:39 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 71650324 Australia 03/18/2016 07:42 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Ms. Superduper
User ID: 70651884 United States 03/18/2016 07:43 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I don't like to give advice. But, it seems that maybe you should not rush into anything. Why leave? You and the kids stay there and he can leave, unless there is a problem with the home, i.e. inability to make mortgage payments, etc. Usually, when 2 people have lawyers, they enter into a marital settlement agreement that the lawyers prepare, and that would include the disposition of the marital home - whether to sell and split, or mom stays there with kids, etc. I really wouldn't rush into anything. I mean, it could be amicable, but don't hurry. Plus, the kids are in school in a certain area, right? I don't know. In a word - freeze. If you need to do something to not think and worry, go do something - fun, hopefully. Of course, I am praying for you guys, whether or not you requested it. God bless you. Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world. Whatever feels good to your soul, do that. |
faint
(OP) User ID: 63454444 United States 03/18/2016 07:44 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Because of your drinking and rehab and if you are Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24374663 continuing to drink STOP He can really get custody because of this Just stop drinking because its a huge part of your marriage destruction I have stopped and go to two AA meetings a day, generally. I'm on step 4; I was out the other night, saw some girls drinking beer and it didn't appeal to me at all. That desire seems to have left, thankfully! :-) Formerly faint |
faint
(OP) User ID: 63454444 United States 03/18/2016 07:44 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
faint
(OP) User ID: 63454444 United States 03/18/2016 07:46 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I don't like to give advice. But, it seems that maybe you should not rush into anything. Why leave? You and the kids stay there and he can leave, unless there is a problem with the home, i.e. inability to make mortgage payments, etc. Quoting: Ms. Superduper Usually, when 2 people have lawyers, they enter into a marital settlement agreement that the lawyers prepare, and that would include the disposition of the marital home - whether to sell and split, or mom stays there with kids, etc. I really wouldn't rush into anything. I mean, it could be amicable, but don't hurry. Plus, the kids are in school in a certain area, right? I don't know. In a word - freeze. If you need to do something to not think and worry, go do something - fun, hopefully. Of course, I am praying for you guys, whether or not you requested it. God bless you. Thank you for your kind words, Ms. Superduper Formerly faint |
Lady Jane Smith
Forum Administrator 03/18/2016 07:49 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground. Quoting: CrimsonBleu .. and do not use the same lawyer. You need someone who will represent you and the kids. Do not move out. Find a good divorce lawyer in your area, and talk to them before you do anything. Fate whispers to the warrior "You cannot withstand the storm" the warrior whispers back "I am the storm" INTJ-A |
Lady Jane Smith
Forum Administrator 03/18/2016 07:50 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground. Quoting: CrimsonBleu I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage. You are still entitled to a buy out on your half of the equity of the house whether he decides to sell it or not. Fate whispers to the warrior "You cannot withstand the storm" the warrior whispers back "I am the storm" INTJ-A |
faint
(OP) User ID: 63454444 United States 03/18/2016 07:53 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground. Quoting: CrimsonBleu I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage. You are still entitled to a buy out on your half of the equity of the house whether he decides to sell it or not. Right. NC is a no-fault state and all marital assets are divided equally. I do not want the house because I don't want the mortgage payment. Not crazy about the location, either. Formerly faint |
Lady Jane Smith
Forum Administrator 03/18/2016 07:58 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Best solution (which is what I did) is to pack what you really need, clothes, computer, phone, personal documents and then walk away from the past. Quoting: The Scientist Take NOTHING more. You will feel refreshed and liberated building a new life for yourself free of the shackles of history. Fighting over stuff and being reminded of the past by stuff, will ultimately mentally degrade you and will lose any chance of an amicable separation which is fundamental if you have children. I can somewhat agree. I did that in my divorce after my first marriage, but I had no children. I walked and, figuratively speaking, just flipped him the bird. Even left the wedding china in hopes that he would see it every day, and it would piss him off. OP, however, has children, that greatly complicates just walking away. Fate whispers to the warrior "You cannot withstand the storm" the warrior whispers back "I am the storm" INTJ-A |
Just Trina
User ID: 71330009 United States 03/18/2016 08:01 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | ... Quoting: faint I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage. Where are the kids going to be? And where are you going to be? Dad is going to try to take the kids; I am going to fight this. I will be in an apartment or house depending on how the settlement works out and what sort of employment I find. It is a bad situation. You should talk to a lawyer BEFORE moving out. This could be portrayed as you "abandoning" the kids. The only thing more expensive than a lawyer is NOT having a lawyer. Good luck. Excellent advice right here!!! In alot of states possession is 9/10th ' s of the law! Do NOT go anywhere until a JUDGE has ordered it or you may end up paying for the house and losing the kids!...and document everything! !! Write it down. Date/ time/ witnesses, ect. That will save you big time if you can prove something was said or done! Last Edited by Trap’d in a Phone on 03/18/2016 08:03 AM |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 69140059 United States 03/18/2016 08:04 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | hire a truck and a couple of labourers to move all your shit to the new digs/dump/container Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1073423 then go and get drunk, both in bar and bottle ... I'm in AA ;-) I'll have a giant coffee, though! AA is full of desperate ass clowns who will jump on the chance to help a pretty girl move |
~kpm~
User ID: 59113324 United States 03/18/2016 08:14 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | My ex and I made a list of the common property and then did a "mine/yours" list by taking turns indicating what we each wanted. Made the moving part easier. Quoting: Larry D. Croc Each of us was entitled to personal items, clothes, hobby related items, etc. If you look at "Uline" online you can bulk order boxes, I recommend the copy paper size boxes that are about 12 high, 12 wide, 18 long as being manageable. The boxes will be easy to "stash" between the time they arrive and when you pack them. Sorry to hear of your situation, hope the above helps. Excellent - walk thru with a clipboard and line down the middle - I'll take the chairs and you can have the chairs type of things. This becomes the LEGAL basis of division of both parties sign at the bottom o each page. It would come down to that anyway, better that you two try to do a equitable split, it will help you in the long run when splitting up the BIG assets. ~With forethought and malice Whitless enacted an EO giving nursing homes immunity from wrongful death prosecutions, forced them to take in infected patients and is responsible for over 6500+ nursing home deaths~ |
Winterwinds
User ID: 71691859 United States 03/18/2016 08:23 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Indeed. It is heartbreaking. I can't even see them and he rarely lets then talk to me, and directs all the dialouge. Now why is that? What did you do to make him all of a sudden decide to not allow the kids to speak with you? Come on... Fess up... It's obvious he didn't randomly decide that. You did many things which you're holding back to save face here.the sad thing is that all your husband wants is honesty , loyalty, and you to not abuse anything. |
AQUABRAT
User ID: 69278931 United States 03/18/2016 08:33 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I'm now facing a separation/divorce. Not happy about it, but life will go on. Quoting: faint I'm thinking logistics. I have so much stuff in that house, it will take forever to pack up. Obviously I don't want my kids to see this, so I assume we'd send them to a grandma's house for the weekend. If you got divorced, how difficult was it to pack up and move out? Thinking about it makes me want to hurl. This is the house we built together, and even though we've grown apart to this point, I cannot fathom leaving. I'll take friends with me. Was your ex there, watching everything? How does this work? Sorry if this seems like a stupid question, but I'm sort of numb and in shock and I don't know how to make heads or tails of it. Thanks. Who initiated the divorce? Discuss with ex ahead of time what you're taking and what you're leaving- get it in writing (for later?) He shouldn't be there- just makes things harder. Rent a storage unit, put things in there. Are you getting main custody of the kids? If so, why are you leaving the house (would think if you had main custody/kids staying with you) uprooting them from what they're familiar with would be pretty stressful on THEM. ? hi |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 66831762 United States 03/18/2016 08:51 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground. Quoting: CrimsonBleu I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage. You are making a mistake by leaving the house. Listen to the advice on this site. Talk to your lawyer first. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 31797214 United States 03/18/2016 08:57 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If you want as peaceful a divorce as possible so as to do as little damage to your children's developing psyche, you both need to agree to get a MEDIATOR so as to keep the split as amicable as possible. If you both seek your own lawyers, the chance of damaging your children goes up rather significantly. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 63871386 United States 03/18/2016 09:01 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I'm now facing a separation/divorce. Not happy about it, but life will go on. Quoting: faint I'm thinking logistics. I have so much stuff in that house, it will take forever to pack up. Obviously I don't want my kids to see this, so I assume we'd send them to a grandma's house for the weekend. If you got divorced, how difficult was it to pack up and move out? Thinking about it makes me want to hurl. This is the house we built together, and even though we've grown apart to this point, I cannot fathom leaving. I'll take friends with me. Was your ex there, watching everything? How does this work? Sorry if this seems like a stupid question, but I'm sort of numb and in shock and I don't know how to make heads or tails of it. Thanks. I thought your the one on here always speaking positively about your husband and marriage? You talk a lot about being a good wife! Good wives and good husbands don't let divorce happen. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 31797214 United States 03/18/2016 09:23 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |