Godlike Productions - Discussion Forum
Users Online Now: 2,197 (Who's On?)Visitors Today: 610,231
Pageviews Today: 1,057,835Threads Today: 441Posts Today: 7,402
12:53 PM


Rate this Thread

Absolute BS Crap Reasonable Nice Amazing
 

Serious divorce question

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 3335473
United States
03/13/2016 11:36 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Hate to hear this and there will be time for 'bashing' and 'insults' later...but we need to help out here, not ridicule.

1. Get a lawyer.
2. Anything you doing going forward with your spouse, get it in right, both parties sign and notarized.
3. Get your moving mover/ moving supplies picked out and ready.
4. If you want to do it on the cheap, you can find a couple of laborers through a local service. Or like I did once, I went to lunch at a restaurant near the largest moving company in the area. A couple of guys showed up and I asked them if they would move me and got their hourly cash rate. It was very reasonable and I moved from a 3rd story apartment to a house for less than $400 (truck rental by the day, laborers, supplies).
4thhorseman

User ID: 11956667
United States
03/13/2016 11:38 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
I'm now facing a separation/divorce. Not happy about it, but life will go on.

I'm thinking logistics. I have so much stuff in that house, it will take forever to pack up. Obviously I don't want my kids to see this, so I assume we'd send them to a grandma's house for the weekend.

If you got divorced, how difficult was it to pack up and move out? Thinking about it makes me want to hurl. This is the house we built together, and even though we've grown apart to this point, I cannot fathom leaving. I'll take friends with me. Was your ex there, watching everything? How does this work? Sorry if this seems like a stupid question, but I'm sort of numb and in shock and I don't know how to make heads or tails of it.

Thanks.
 Quoting: faint


Did you cheat or did he?
SICSEMPERTYRANIS
Si Vis Pacem, Para Bellum
Vi veri universum vivus vici
"There is nothing more deceptive than an obvious fact".
Arthur Conan Doyle
"Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth".
Arthur Conan Doyle
MOLON LABE [link to www.usavsus.info]
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 17925879
United States
03/13/2016 11:39 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Don't leave without consulting a lawyer. My sister is going through a dvorce and I've gone with her to lawyer meetings. It's a tricky business now over assets and kids. Why are you the one leaving? Did you serve him papers or he serve you? If he wants a divorce he can move. If you have equity in house sell it or have him pay you your share.

Her lawyer advised my sister not to leave, the lawyer was very adament on this point, otherwise, you are the one who "abandoned" the marraige and kids, it means less spousal support if etc. Talk to a lawyer.
1 lung surfer

User ID: 45326329
United States
03/13/2016 11:45 AM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Just pack a bag and move to Hawaii with me !!!!
I'm living a life of total apnea!!!! I like to go swimmin with bow legged woman and swim between there legs !!!!!
Quetzal785

User ID: 70633250
United States
03/15/2016 08:51 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Sorry you're going through this. I am too and it sucks, but hopefully this kind of stuff can only make us stronger than ever!
Quetzal785
BRIEF

User ID: 39607259
United States
03/15/2016 10:13 PM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Sorry you're going through this. I am too and it sucks, but hopefully this kind of stuff can only make us stronger than ever!
 Quoting: Quetzal785


Why do you need to become stronger, are you planning another divorce in the future?
I never forgive and I never forget

I am a licensed firearm holder. I will, under protection of law, use lethal force if attacked.

Briefcut4892
Quetzal785

User ID: 70633250
United States
03/16/2016 01:36 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Sorry you're going through this. I am too and it sucks, but hopefully this kind of stuff can only make us stronger than ever!
 Quoting: Quetzal785


Why do you need to become stronger, are you planning another divorce in the future?
 Quoting: BRIEF


No, I meant when you're feeling down about this whole situation we can overcome it and feel stronger. I know was battling depression over this whole mess. I know now that I can better myself and become a better person.
Quetzal785
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 27858660
United States
03/16/2016 01:46 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground.
 Quoting: CrimsonBleu


I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage.
 Quoting: faint


Where are the kids going to be? And where are you going to be?
 Quoting: CrimsonBleu


Dad is going to try to take the kids; I am going to fight this. I will be in an apartment or house depending on how the settlement works out and what sort of employment I find. It is a bad situation.
 Quoting: faint


Never, never, never leave your k7ds. Been there, done that, don't recommend it. Is dad closer to the kds than you? Because if you were the stay at home mom, closest with the kids, just leaving them with dad will be traumatic for them.

Lawyer up. Alimony and child support exist for a reason. You're going to need both till you get your feet back under you.
yep!
User ID: 71420889
United States
03/16/2016 01:47 PM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
More kids' lives destroyed by selfish, uncompromising imbeciles.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25685052


hesright
faint  (OP)

User ID: 63454444
United States
03/18/2016 07:04 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Sorry you're going through this. I am too and it sucks, but hopefully this kind of stuff can only make us stronger than ever!
 Quoting: Quetzal785


Why do you need to become stronger, are you planning another divorce in the future?
 Quoting: BRIEF


OMG BRIEF cruise thanks for the levity!

I truly appreciate everyone's advice. Here's a rundown:

Neither of us cheated
We just cannot get along
We really haven't gotten along for 7+ years
I'm closer to the kids by a wide margin
I do not want the house because it's too expensive
The downfall of the relationship started when he opened his own business and started funneling money without my knowledge and was never at home to boot - and still cannot tell me if the business has made any money (since Nov '14) because he "hasn't had time to do the books" (WTF?)
This lead to me drinking and eventual rehab
I had to get away from him when I got out because he was being beyond controlling and I could see a relapse coming
The kids are in school, so I could not take them with right now :-(
I plan to move back as soon as I find employment

I wasn't the best wife in the world, and my addiction caused many fights, but I preferred to drink alone and (surprise) read GLP after the kids were in bed. He could not tolerate it. I'm talking to the kids more now, so that's good and I've lawyered up.

So there it is, for better or worse (and richer or poorer*)

*totally this
Formerly faint
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 24374663
United States
03/18/2016 07:37 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Very very hard.
I packed up and was moved out for 4 days and my wife
asked me to come back.
She was the one who filed.
I came back.
We have a young son.
Things are ok and we both know what its like to
"go there"

Its just terrible for any family
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 24374663
United States
03/18/2016 07:39 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Because of your drinking and rehab and if you are
continuing to drink STOP

He can really get custody because of this

Just stop drinking because its a huge part of your
marriage destruction
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 71650324
Australia
03/18/2016 07:42 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
B0Xwinep0st
Ms. Superduper

User ID: 70651884
United States
03/18/2016 07:43 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
I don't like to give advice. But, it seems that maybe you should not rush into anything. Why leave? You and the kids stay there and he can leave, unless there is a problem with the home, i.e. inability to make mortgage payments, etc.

Usually, when 2 people have lawyers, they enter into a marital settlement agreement that the lawyers prepare, and that would include the disposition of the marital home - whether to sell and split, or mom stays there with kids, etc.

I really wouldn't rush into anything. I mean, it could be amicable, but don't hurry. Plus, the kids are in school in a certain area, right?

I don't know. In a word - freeze. If you need to do something to not think and worry, go do something - fun, hopefully.

Of course, I am praying for you guys, whether or not you requested it.

God bless you.
Greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world.

Whatever feels good to your soul, do that.
faint  (OP)

User ID: 63454444
United States
03/18/2016 07:44 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Because of your drinking and rehab and if you are
continuing to drink STOP

He can really get custody because of this

Just stop drinking because its a huge part of your
marriage destruction
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 24374663


I have stopped and go to two AA meetings a day, generally. I'm on step 4; I was out the other night, saw some girls drinking beer and it didn't appeal to me at all. That desire seems to have left, thankfully! :-)
Formerly faint
faint  (OP)

User ID: 63454444
United States
03/18/2016 07:44 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
B0Xwinep0st
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71650324


GROSS!!
Formerly faint
faint  (OP)

User ID: 63454444
United States
03/18/2016 07:46 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
I don't like to give advice. But, it seems that maybe you should not rush into anything. Why leave? You and the kids stay there and he can leave, unless there is a problem with the home, i.e. inability to make mortgage payments, etc.

Usually, when 2 people have lawyers, they enter into a marital settlement agreement that the lawyers prepare, and that would include the disposition of the marital home - whether to sell and split, or mom stays there with kids, etc.

I really wouldn't rush into anything. I mean, it could be amicable, but don't hurry. Plus, the kids are in school in a certain area, right?

I don't know. In a word - freeze. If you need to do something to not think and worry, go do something - fun, hopefully.

Of course, I am praying for you guys, whether or not you requested it.

God bless you.
 Quoting: Ms. Superduper


Thank you for your kind words, Ms. Superduper hugs
Formerly faint
Lady Jane SmithModerator
Forum Administrator

03/18/2016 07:49 AM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground.
 Quoting: CrimsonBleu


.. and do not use the same lawyer. You need someone who will represent you and the kids. Do not move out. Find a good divorce lawyer in your area, and talk to them before you do anything.
Fate whispers to the warrior

"You cannot withstand the storm"

the warrior whispers back

"I am the storm"

INTJ-A

Killer Bunny
Lady Jane SmithModerator
Forum Administrator

03/18/2016 07:50 AM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground.
 Quoting: CrimsonBleu


I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage.
 Quoting: faint


You are still entitled to a buy out on your half of the equity of the house whether he decides to sell it or not.
Fate whispers to the warrior

"You cannot withstand the storm"

the warrior whispers back

"I am the storm"

INTJ-A

Killer Bunny
faint  (OP)

User ID: 63454444
United States
03/18/2016 07:53 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground.
 Quoting: CrimsonBleu


I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage.
 Quoting: faint


You are still entitled to a buy out on your half of the equity of the house whether he decides to sell it or not.
 Quoting: Lady Jane Smith


Right. NC is a no-fault state and all marital assets are divided equally. I do not want the house because I don't want the mortgage payment. Not crazy about the location, either.
Formerly faint
Lady Jane SmithModerator
Forum Administrator

03/18/2016 07:58 AM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Best solution (which is what I did) is to pack what you really need, clothes, computer, phone, personal documents and then walk away from the past.

Take NOTHING more. You will feel refreshed and liberated building a new life for yourself free of the shackles of history.

Fighting over stuff and being reminded of the past by stuff, will ultimately mentally degrade you and will lose any chance of an amicable separation which is fundamental if you have children.
 Quoting: The Scientist


I can somewhat agree. I did that in my divorce after my first marriage, but I had no children. I walked and, figuratively speaking, just flipped him the bird. Even left the wedding china in hopes that he would see it every day, and it would piss him off.

OP, however, has children, that greatly complicates just walking away.
Fate whispers to the warrior

"You cannot withstand the storm"

the warrior whispers back

"I am the storm"

INTJ-A

Killer Bunny
Just Trina

User ID: 71330009
United States
03/18/2016 08:01 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
...


I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage.
 Quoting: faint


Where are the kids going to be? And where are you going to be?
 Quoting: CrimsonBleu


Dad is going to try to take the kids; I am going to fight this. I will be in an apartment or house depending on how the settlement works out and what sort of employment I find. It is a bad situation.
 Quoting: faint


You should talk to a lawyer BEFORE moving out. This could be portrayed as you "abandoning" the kids. The only thing more expensive than a lawyer is NOT having a lawyer.

Good luck.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 70619332


Excellent advice right here!!! In alot of states possession is 9/10th ' s of the law! Do NOT go anywhere until a JUDGE has ordered it or you may end up paying for the house and losing the kids!...and document everything! !! Write it down. Date/ time/ witnesses, ect. That will save you big time if you can prove something was said or done!

Last Edited by Trap’d in a Phone on 03/18/2016 08:03 AM
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 69140059
United States
03/18/2016 08:04 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
hire a truck and a couple of labourers to move all your shit to the new digs/dump/container

then go and get drunk, both in bar and bottle ...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 1073423


I'm in AA ;-) I'll have a giant coffee, though!
 Quoting: faint



AA is full of desperate ass clowns who will jump on the chance to help a pretty girl move
~kpm~

User ID: 59113324
United States
03/18/2016 08:14 AM

Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
My ex and I made a list of the common property and then did a "mine/yours" list by taking turns indicating what we each wanted. Made the moving part easier.

Each of us was entitled to personal items, clothes, hobby related items, etc.

If you look at "Uline" online you can bulk order boxes, I recommend the copy paper size boxes that are about 12 high, 12 wide, 18 long as being manageable.

The boxes will be easy to "stash" between the time they arrive and when you pack them.

Sorry to hear of your situation, hope the above helps.
 Quoting: Larry D. Croc


Excellent - walk thru with a clipboard and line down the middle - I'll take the chairs and you can have the chairs type of things. This becomes the LEGAL basis of division of both parties sign at the bottom o each page.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71268490


It would come down to that anyway, better that you two try to do a equitable split, it will help you in the long run when splitting up the BIG assets.
~With forethought and malice Whitless enacted an EO giving nursing homes immunity from wrongful death prosecutions, forced them to take in infected patients and is responsible for over 6500+ nursing home deaths~
Winterwinds

User ID: 71691859
United States
03/18/2016 08:23 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
More kids' lives destroyed by selfish, uncompromising imbeciles.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 25685052


Indeed. It is heartbreaking. I can't even see them and he rarely lets then talk to me, and directs all the dialouge.
 Quoting: faint


Now why is that? What did you do to make him all of a sudden decide to not allow the kids to speak with you? Come on... Fess up... It's obvious he didn't randomly decide that. You did many things which you're holding back to save face here.the sad thing is that all your husband wants is honesty , loyalty, and you to not abuse anything.
AQUABRAT

User ID: 69278931
United States
03/18/2016 08:33 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
I'm now facing a separation/divorce. Not happy about it, but life will go on.

I'm thinking logistics. I have so much stuff in that house, it will take forever to pack up. Obviously I don't want my kids to see this, so I assume we'd send them to a grandma's house for the weekend.

If you got divorced, how difficult was it to pack up and move out? Thinking about it makes me want to hurl. This is the house we built together, and even though we've grown apart to this point, I cannot fathom leaving. I'll take friends with me. Was your ex there, watching everything? How does this work? Sorry if this seems like a stupid question, but I'm sort of numb and in shock and I don't know how to make heads or tails of it.

Thanks.
 Quoting: faint



Who initiated the divorce?

Discuss with ex ahead of time what you're taking and what you're leaving- get it in writing (for later?)

He shouldn't be there- just makes things harder.

Rent a storage unit, put things in there.

Are you getting main custody of the kids? If so, why are you leaving the house (would think if you had main custody/kids staying with you) uprooting them from what they're familiar with would be pretty stressful on THEM.
?
hi
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 66831762
United States
03/18/2016 08:51 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground.
 Quoting: CrimsonBleu


I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage.
 Quoting: faint


You are making a mistake by leaving the house. Listen to the advice on this site. Talk to your lawyer first.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 31797214
United States
03/18/2016 08:57 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
If you want as peaceful a divorce as possible so as to do as little damage to your children's developing psyche, you both need to agree to get a MEDIATOR so as to keep the split as amicable as possible.

If you both seek your own lawyers, the chance of damaging your children goes up rather significantly.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 63871386
United States
03/18/2016 09:01 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
I'm now facing a separation/divorce. Not happy about it, but life will go on.

I'm thinking logistics. I have so much stuff in that house, it will take forever to pack up. Obviously I don't want my kids to see this, so I assume we'd send them to a grandma's house for the weekend.

If you got divorced, how difficult was it to pack up and move out? Thinking about it makes me want to hurl. This is the house we built together, and even though we've grown apart to this point, I cannot fathom leaving. I'll take friends with me. Was your ex there, watching everything? How does this work? Sorry if this seems like a stupid question, but I'm sort of numb and in shock and I don't know how to make heads or tails of it.

Thanks.
 Quoting: faint


I thought your the one on here always speaking positively about your husband and marriage?

You talk a lot about being a good wife!

Good wives and good husbands don't let divorce happen.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 31797214
United States
03/18/2016 09:23 AM
Report Abusive Post
Report Copyright Violation
Re: Serious divorce question
sun





GLP