Serious divorce question | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 71686591 United States 03/18/2016 06:18 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I am not divorcing, bidding my time....karma is a bitch. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 71594995 United States 03/18/2016 06:19 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 71686963 United States 03/18/2016 10:15 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | She is creating Welfare babies, not just what she has but a bunch more... Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71195619 You've made 30 posts in this thread in less than 12 hours.. Are you done spamming the thread yet with your juvenile-sounding banter?. Enough already... What are you the forum police? Are somebody else's words hurting your fragile feelings? Must suck to be that sensitive Why did you complain about my post? Did your 'sensitive feelings' get hurt by what I said? Or are you going to claim that you're just speaking your mind in response to what someone else said? That's exactly what I'm doing. Don't be a hypocrite... I didn't complain about your post, I was just informing you that you are a douche bag |
SevenThunders
User ID: 67279771 United States 03/18/2016 10:18 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 71686963 United States 03/18/2016 10:29 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 56468536 United States 03/18/2016 10:47 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Hmmm, maybe it is finally getting to the time for the development of a new cohabitation model? Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71594995 It seems like the time is ripe to take a leap forward from our current model. Seems to be that marriage should be a 5-year contract. After 5 years review the terms. Renew or allow to expire. Easy Peasy for all involved. |
NowIhavetothinkofaname
User ID: 25480668 United Kingdom 03/18/2016 10:52 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! While you are still on his insurance, get a complete physical and any needed dental work done. Quoting: Ralph--a house dog Start taking a good multivitamin from a health food store (not the drug store) Rent a storage locker and put things you do not want to lose in there. Sell what you can. Yard sale, Craigs list, resale consignment shops. You must have your own bank account if you do not already. Stash some cash somewhere. Bury it if you have to. Have serious talks with your lawyer; most of them need to be urged into a more active mode. I know they are busy but they still often need to be jump started into giving you info you need to know. That's what they are there for. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF! While you are still on his insurance, get a complete physical and any needed dental work done. You couldn't work shit out either...wow so much bad advise Fuck off. It's good advice for anyone in her situation, no matter what she finally decides to do. . Single fat men should not post here...just saying But my posts were the best! Whoops! NowIhavetothinkofanameohnoithurts It's all bull! Nevertheless, the ruler is not truly wise who cannot discern evils before they develop themselves, and this is a faculty given to few. Niccolo Machiavelli Karma is funny, people who kick dogs usually get bitten. If someone doesn't add value to your life, then that someone shouldn't be a part of it. You can always trust people to do whatever is in their own interests. It is certain wastelands will be brought under cultivation. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 46066178 United States 03/19/2016 12:07 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
OCCAM'S RAZOR
User ID: 68908946 United States 03/19/2016 12:20 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I'm a professional astrologer with only 4 clients who have made me rich. Taurus is fixed earth...they're the most stubborn sign in the zodiac, and the very most concerned about their personal, portable wealth. Libras want everyone to be happy and "fair"...sorry, but life ain't fair...you do not get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate. That said, you want to get throught this process with the Bull asap...the faster you get thru it to the other side the better. Taurus will always undo themselves in the most obvious & painful manner; it's their karmic destinies. Good luck. OCCAM |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 71619405 United States 03/19/2016 12:45 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | I'm now facing a separation/divorce. Not happy about it, but life will go on. Quoting: faint I'm thinking logistics. I have so much stuff in that house, it will take forever to pack up. Obviously I don't want my kids to see this, so I assume we'd send them to a grandma's house for the weekend. If you got divorced, how difficult was it to pack up and move out? Thinking about it makes me want to hurl. This is the house we built together, and even though we've grown apart to this point, I cannot fathom leaving. I'll take friends with me. Was your ex there, watching everything? How does this work? Sorry if this seems like a stupid question, but I'm sort of numb and in shock and I don't know how to make heads or tails of it. Thanks. It's tough, I'm going through a divorce now myself. I'm only in the beginning stages and already it's a shit show. I am the one who is asking for it not because of infidelity but because she has done far to much damage over our short marriage. I like you don't know what comes next or how bitter she will become but I know that any shot at happiness does not include her. My advice to you is match the others actions, don't get nasty until they do which they likely will. Don't be afraid to assert yourself or feel bad for what you are doing. Had the other person done what they should of perhaps this would of never happened, in my case she caused this by ignoring my warnings over her behavior. Most importantly keep the kids out of it especially if they are young. The children are not a bargaining chip they deserve both parents in their lives, they need to see y'all keep it professional no matter what is said behind closed doors. Good luck hope you can keep your head during this. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 71619405 United States 03/19/2016 12:48 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 47142433 Australia 03/19/2016 12:58 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | My kids were 5 and 7 at the time...they packed their own bags and toys..I didnt ask them to My ex even helped Weird day I think we were as glad to go as he was to have us go...his own children, it was a bit sad The kids were excited to be away from him...they are now in their 20,s and dont regret it at all |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 62751918 United States 03/19/2016 12:58 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Put a few boxes of portant papers etc in a storage bin where he can't get them. Include copies of ALL titles deeds registrations mortgage papers marriage license and financial accounts- you will have to providenit all to the lawyer. Make sure you have his account numbers of he has life insurance or Pension funds or IRAs etc. you won't get it later. This is critical* Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71268490 The one that leaves the house loses The one that leaves the house loses The one that leaves the house loses Maybe he filed papers maybe he didn't Many women are fooled into acting - and then losing because he claims it was HER idea- or he tells you he will be a gentleman and let YOU file first This is chess not checkers...and if kids are involved you better get your head on straight and wake up... This is now about MONEY and Not LOVE. Can you support the kids on your pay? Can you provide a place to live? Dig in deep. Start sorting and have a yard sale and sell some stuff on craigslist to lighten up. The house will sell faster if the excess is out. And kids move easier in the summer between school. But DO NOT MOVE OUT- his lawyeright have told him to GET YOU TO MOVE by being obnoxious etc. Many women made dinner for the family and had to sit at the family table with the soon to be ex while he pretended to the kids everything was normal and went to his girlfriends house on weekends. He even gets his laundry done! And believe me he could not care less! He is staking his claim to the house by occupying it as long as his lawyer tells him and then it's bye bye . Take photos NOW before items are taken or disappear - make sure to photo all the closets and the TOOLS in the garage and watch every penny he spends in the checking. Get your own checking account NOW. Use the joint account for household needs and the children as usual. Start separating funds. You have a lot ahead of you. The Japanese word for divorce is "dangerous opportunity" - make the most of it. Remember NEVER say anything negative or bad about the father to the kids. They can TAKE The kids AWAY if he can prove you bad-mouthed him! And it's bad for the kids in the long run. Let them be shielded from your difficulties. If you fall apart they might too- if you keep it together the kids will do fine. The one that leaves the house loses This. Possession is 9/10ths of the law. This isn't about house maintenance/bad memories/moving on anymore. This is about survival in the best way possible. For you and the kids. OP you don't seem to be thinking straight. Get wise advice. asap |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 35567684 United States 03/19/2016 05:58 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground. Quoting: CrimsonBleu I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage. Legally he will have to buy out your half of the equity from you.(think Under the Tuscan Sun). However, the minute you move before anything is filed he legally doesnt have to because legally "abandonement" screws your rights. Thats why so many people try to make the other leave in haste. If you are not working and have children you guys need to go ahead and book mediator. All divorces go to a mediator first. If call is good you can asap it up. If not, court battle begins etc. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 71046279 United Kingdom 03/19/2016 06:12 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | DO NOT MOVE OUT OF YOUR HOUSE. It's called abandonment. Quoting: rolltiderv2 What's worse? Living with an Ahole or losing your kids permanently. Move back in, sleep on the couch. He can't control you. Get good info and think with your head. Seriously faint, Go Home! It's the same deal here in the UK for both abandonment of your kids and also the possession of the house. If you have a lawyer, they should be telling you this. Has he even had divorce papers served on you yet? |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 71046279 United Kingdom 03/19/2016 06:19 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground. Quoting: CrimsonBleu I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage. Legally he will have to buy out your half of the equity from you.(think Under the Tuscan Sun). However, the minute you move before anything is filed he legally doesnt have to because legally "abandonement" screws your rights. Thats why so many people try to make the other leave in haste. If you are not working and have children you guys need to go ahead and book mediator. All divorces go to a mediator first. If call is good you can asap it up. If not, court battle begins etc. Yes!! We were posting at the same time on a similar theme. As far as I can tell, OP is not actually IN a divorce process yet but fears she soon will be. Even if OP is served papers, she still needs to stay in the house until the financials are sorted out and THEN she can move into a smaller place. |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 29379440 United States 03/19/2016 11:28 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground. Quoting: CrimsonBleu I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage. Where are the kids going to be? And where are you going to be? Dad is going to try to take the kids; I am going to fight this. I will be in an apartment or house depending on how the settlement works out and what sort of employment I find. It is a bad situation. Sounds like you already left the house and the kids. You'll never get your kids back now. That was the dumbest decision you've ever made right there. He wants a divorce and conned you into walking away from everything. He's set- you're fucked. Good luck. |
Lady Jane Smith
Forum Administrator 03/19/2016 04:01 PM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | If you want as peaceful a divorce as possible so as to do as little damage to your children's developing psyche, you both need to agree to get a MEDIATOR so as to keep the split as amicable as possible. Quoting: apprentice If you both seek your own lawyers, the chance of damaging your children goes up rather significantly. You failed I guess. No. You did. Fate whispers to the warrior "You cannot withstand the storm" the warrior whispers back "I am the storm" INTJ-A |
Hailstones Melt InWarmerClimes
User ID: 71596927 Australia 03/20/2016 07:48 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | The shock of divorce on both occasions for me was to observe how things of the marriage meant so much to my ex husbands. The first one took 3 years to come to court and it did go to trial, and a lot of money went out the window getting through that (with a barrister hired on the 2 trial days). Luckily, the first marriage had accumulated 4 houses so there was money to fight. But I was the one who left (after 18 year marriage) and I walked away from about 90% of furniture and belongings. I was also the one who needed to rent accommodation after the separation - he stayed in the house, kept the car etc. His idea of a deal before I decided to fight for my rights was one house and $50K to me. Out of a pool of nearly $2 million. There was a lot of financial trickery, lies, scams, hiding money overseas, syphoning money out of accounts, etc but I got all relevant bank accounts (including hidden ones) and I spent 3 years building spreadsheets to show the money trail. At the end of the day, the trial judge halved what was left down the middle. (Child matters was another thing entirely!) Nowadays, when I visit my old home (where he still lives) I see all my old possessions - I just have to remind myself it was a matter of survival and I survived. I only go there to keep a basic relationship alive for my daughter's sake - i.e. we can sit down and drink a cup of tea together. The second marriage I decided to split everything down the middle once again and walk away. We had 2 cars, so we got one each. The separation was not antagonistic, but there were deep rifts of division in our marriage. But I came to learn that things were very important to this person, too. It has been an ugly reality that people can be so tied up in knots over possessions.... I have never needed any of those old possessions. I have moved on without the taint hanging over my new household. But the pain of failed marriage will go with me to my grave. ___________________ Formerly Ma Pantha |
Hailstones Melt InWarmerClimes
User ID: 71596927 Australia 03/20/2016 07:59 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | The shock of divorce on both occasions for me was to observe how things of the marriage meant so much to my ex husbands. Quoting: Hailstones Melt InWarmerClimes The first one took 3 years to come to court and it did go to trial, and a lot of money went out the window getting through that (with a barrister hired on the 2 trial days). Luckily, the first marriage had accumulated 4 houses so there was money to fight. But I was the one who left (after 18 year marriage) and I walked away from about 90% of furniture and belongings. I was also the one who needed to rent accommodation after the separation - he stayed in the house, kept the car etc. His idea of a deal before I decided to fight for my rights was one house and $50K to me. Out of a pool of nearly $2 million. There was a lot of financial trickery, lies, scams, hiding money overseas, syphoning money out of accounts, etc but I got all relevant bank accounts (including hidden ones) and I spent 3 years building spreadsheets to show the money trail. At the end of the day, the trial judge halved what was left down the middle. (Child matters was another thing entirely!) Nowadays, when I visit my old home (where he still lives) I see all my old possessions - I just have to remind myself it was a matter of survival and I survived. I only go there to keep a basic relationship alive for my daughter's sake - i.e. we can sit down and drink a cup of tea together. The second marriage I decided to split everything down the middle once again and walk away. We had 2 cars, so we got one each. The separation was not antagonistic, but there were deep rifts of division in our marriage. But I came to learn that things were very important to this person, too. It has been an ugly reality that people can be so tied up in knots over possessions.... I have never needed any of those old possessions. I have moved on without the taint hanging over my new household. But the pain of failed marriage will go with me to my grave. I forgot to mention that my daughter went on to develop a serious mental disorder, and it has been trial and challenge for 11 years straight. She accused my second husband of pedophilia and got herself a child lawyer (at age 11) and that led to me having to choose between my daughter and my second husband. No contest. He still denies everything and she still accuses - and I have to work hard to keep all sight or sound of him out of her life (which is also dictated by a court order). Given that he took the innocence and trust of my child away from her at a young age, and perhaps helped bring mental instability out into the open, I had to go through a long period of counselling, and I've realised that he is both a con man, and there is no helping some people who will not help themselves. Given the overlay all of this had on my life, the issue of "stuff" very much took a back seat, and I just continued to provide myself with what I needed under my own steam. ___________________ Formerly Ma Pantha |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 71587115 United States 03/20/2016 08:10 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | get a lawyer, Quoting: Anonymous Coward 50585702 dont do anything, including move, until you talk to the lawyer THIS It is illegal to take things, the judge will determine who gets what. I had my ex-wife served with divorce papers while I was on a 3 day work job. She got pissed and emptied the house, taking even some of my clothing, and she got into serious trouble. |
Hailstones Melt InWarmerClimes
User ID: 71596927 Australia 03/20/2016 08:13 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Everyone gets divorced because of personal flaws and a lack of insight into them. Quoting: Anonymous Coward 70174325 Correct, and the one that got me was I didn't recognise the potential in a man to abuse a child - both husband one (his own daughter) and husband two (his stepchild). I fully own this lack of insight in my own self as the cause of my problems. ___________________ Formerly Ma Pantha |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 6985894 Canada 03/20/2016 08:34 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Sorry you're going through this. I am too and it sucks, but hopefully this kind of stuff can only make us stronger than ever! Quoting: Quetzal785 Why do you need to become stronger, are you planning another divorce in the future? OMG BRIEF thanks for the levity! I truly appreciate everyone's advice. Here's a rundown: Neither of us cheated We just cannot get along We really haven't gotten along for 7+ years I'm closer to the kids by a wide margin I do not want the house because it's too expensive The downfall of the relationship started when he opened his own business and started funneling money without my knowledge and was never at home to boot - and still cannot tell me if the business has made any money (since Nov '14) because he "hasn't had time to do the books" (WTF?) This lead to me drinking and eventual rehab I had to get away from him when I got out because he was being beyond controlling and I could see a relapse coming The kids are in school, so I could not take them with right now :-( I plan to move back as soon as I find employment I wasn't the best wife in the world, and my addiction caused many fights, but I preferred to drink alone and (surprise) read GLP after the kids were in bed. He could not tolerate it. I'm talking to the kids more now, so that's good and I've lawyered up. So there it is, for better or worse (and richer or poorer*) *totally this I have recently separated from my wife of 13 years its been about 4 months now.I was open and transparent with her from the start about everything. I got her to come with me to the lawyer for the first visit because it was free and have him explain the process for the separation agreement. When the agreement is finalized she will lawyer up to protect herself and make sure its fair. We sat down together and made a grocery list of assets and liabilities. Assets like equity in your matrimonial home, cars, bank accounts, investments, pensions etc. then subtracting the liabilities like outstanding mortgage, car loans, credit cards, lines of credit etc. At the end of the list it turns out I was about 150000 ahead of her in assets and will be giving her half that amount to finalize the agreement.Just sit down with your soon to be ex spouse and act civil this is just a business contract ending and the lawyers do not deserve to get the assets. |
Hailstones Melt InWarmerClimes
User ID: 71596927 Australia 03/20/2016 08:44 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Sorry you're going through this. I am too and it sucks, but hopefully this kind of stuff can only make us stronger than ever! Quoting: Quetzal785 Why do you need to become stronger, are you planning another divorce in the future? OMG BRIEF thanks for the levity! I truly appreciate everyone's advice. Here's a rundown: Neither of us cheated We just cannot get along We really haven't gotten along for 7+ years I'm closer to the kids by a wide margin I do not want the house because it's too expensive The downfall of the relationship started when he opened his own business and started funneling money without my knowledge and was never at home to boot - and still cannot tell me if the business has made any money (since Nov '14) because he "hasn't had time to do the books" (WTF?) This lead to me drinking and eventual rehab I had to get away from him when I got out because he was being beyond controlling and I could see a relapse coming The kids are in school, so I could not take them with right now :-( I plan to move back as soon as I find employment I wasn't the best wife in the world, and my addiction caused many fights, but I preferred to drink alone and (surprise) read GLP after the kids were in bed. He could not tolerate it. I'm talking to the kids more now, so that's good and I've lawyered up. So there it is, for better or worse (and richer or poorer*) *totally this I have recently separated from my wife of 13 years its been about 4 months now.I was open and transparent with her from the start about everything. I got her to come with me to the lawyer for the first visit because it was free and have him explain the process for the separation agreement. When the agreement is finalized she will lawyer up to protect herself and make sure its fair. We sat down together and made a grocery list of assets and liabilities. Assets like equity in your matrimonial home, cars, bank accounts, investments, pensions etc. then subtracting the liabilities like outstanding mortgage, car loans, credit cards, lines of credit etc. At the end of the list it turns out I was about 150000 ahead of her in assets and will be giving her half that amount to finalize the agreement.Just sit down with your soon to be ex spouse and act civil this is just a business contract ending and the lawyers do not deserve to get the assets. You seem fair and reasonable and rational in the face of what you're currently going through. However, I don't think you are dealing with a spouse who hides money. Mine had hidden $100K in overseas bank accounts, and actually perjured himself in court saying he had had a loan early in our marriage from his parents for $70K, which was news to me. As if I didn't know what loans we were responsible for! But then his elderly mother cracked and said the loan was for $20K in the first 2 years of our marriage to help us out. "Loan" being the inappropriate word because they gave it to him. In order to perpetuate this scamming, he was prepared to get his mother in court in Germany over video link. Luckily she came clean without it having to go that far. But in the end, the way the Court dealt with it, his perjury was overlooked. In the end, they weren't looking at "fault" but just splitting the tangible assets, never mind the carry on about money absconded with for years during the marriage. I ended up with 10 lever arch files with all the documents over this mess, and at the end of last year (5 years after the finalisation of the court case) I shredded it all. I don't want my daughter going through it all and raking up the muck, if I should pass away and she finds the paperwork. At the end of the day, that man sleeps at night, lordy knows how. ___________________ Formerly Ma Pantha |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 69818586 Sweden 03/20/2016 09:33 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 59854543 Canada 03/20/2016 09:39 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | |
Anonymous Coward User ID: 69818586 Sweden 03/20/2016 09:46 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | . Quoting: Anonymous Coward 69818586 Just wanted to wish you good luck. Don't let the bastards grind you down!! x I have not read one word from the bastards just whiny cunts who need money to fulfill there worthless life. Just saying look at the posts Wait, I didn't post to aim this at anyone on this forum. I meant life in general, Mister. As for 'Caviar Cobras' that are attention whoring posers hanging at the bar trying to hook up with men's credit cards - I'm sure we all know about them, right?! But if one has fallen in love, and been brave enough to open up and commit, a separation process is extremely crushing. So don't jump to conclusions, please. If you've been conned and are bitter, it's understandable, it's a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. Relationships are the hardest thing to engage, especially in our time and age when we're being set up with traps driving couples and families apart. It's part of the hidden agenda. So I'd recommend focusing on those in the shadows who sadistically rejoice splitting up families and breaking hearts. Our heart's EM field is our immune system and shield against intrusion of parasitic energy vampires. So when we're at our most vulnerable state that's when the bastards strike. Those bastards comes in all shapes, forms, genders and cultures - so don't take it personal. . |
nutmeg
User ID: 70579162 United States 03/20/2016 09:58 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground. Quoting: CrimsonBleu I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage. YOU stay and he pays the mortgage if you aren't working? Do it for the sake of the kids for now. Last Edited by nutmeg on 03/20/2016 09:59 AM |
nutmeg
User ID: 70579162 United States 03/20/2016 10:04 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | Why are YOU moving and not him? He wants the divorce so bad he needs to leave. You MUST talk to your lawyer. Please stand your ground. Quoting: CrimsonBleu I honestly do not want the house. It's too big, too much maintenance. I'm not working yet (I quit my last job at his request, some promises were made in exchange on his part but never kept) so I'd rather he deal with the behemoth and the mortgage. YOU stay and he pays the mortgage if you aren't working? Nailed it! Thank you It's too much for the kids to handle. Divorce and a move all at once? That's not good for her and the kids. She should stay, he pays the mortgage and the upkeep for at least a year to get the kids accustomed to the split. I would think any judge would agree. Last Edited by nutmeg on 03/20/2016 10:05 AM |
nutmeg
User ID: 70579162 United States 03/20/2016 10:09 AM Report Abusive Post Report Copyright Violation | So you fucked up by getting married and did not look to the future and see this happening? Her crystal ball broke. What a dumb question. Last Edited by nutmeg on 03/20/2016 10:09 AM |