George Noory

^bwahahahaha^

Jorch also uses his tiny tentpeg to "enlarge the circle of his friends"....

The topic of the second half of last night’s show was “Stupid Mistakes We’ve Made.

When Jorch & his guest took calls, a guy named “Bart” called in and confessed, “I made a really stupid mistake a few years ago.”

JORCH: “Do tell...”

CALLER: “I gave the o.k. to hire an absolute dunce to replace me at work.”

JORCH: “What type of work?”

CALLER: “Broadcasting.”

JORCH: “Oh really? Television or radio?”

CALLER (dramatic pause): “Radio.”

JORCH: “Hmmm...what did you say your name was?”

CALLER: “Ar...er, Bart.”

(Do the WILD thing at area code 818...501...4109)...

BArt was driving by the Pahrump Municipal Complex when he noticed a softball game being played by the locals. He quickly pulls a Uey in his Super Sport Geo Metro and screeches to a halt near the field. He runs to home plate just as the ball is pitched and grabs the bat out of one of the players hands just in time to hit a home run.As he rounds the bases he professes his love to Crystal Gale . On the way back to his car he grabs a hot dog out of one of the managers hands and flips the crowd off.

J. Allen Heimlich maneuver

Jorch orders all his steaks through the mail.

Each April 15, besides including a check to the IRS for taxes, Art farts into the envelope and quickly seals it shut.

Big Tahhmm Dudehoser just returned from a wilderness-themed fancy dress party wearing only ass-less chaps.

Apparently he went as The Grand Canyon....

Jorch checks in for his gay Caribbean cruise under the name Phil Miupp.

As a long time fan of Chinese architect I.M. Pei, Jorch changes his name to I.M. Gay and begins a new career designing gloryholes in airport restrooms.

Jorch tours the Louvre in Paris wearing a shirt that says Who Farted?

Eager to know his blood type, Jorch pricks his finger, swabs the blood, and mails it to the Mayo Clinic.

A week later Jorch is visited by two FBI agents informing him he’s under arrest for bioterrorism for sending the simian virus through the U.S. postal service.

Jorch goes to the doctor for a sore throat. The doctor gives him instructions to remedy it and sends him on his way. But a week later Jorch is back...

DOCTOR: “You’re back! How’s your sore throat?”

JORCH: “Sore throat’s still there. I did what you said...I gargled every day with salt peter.

DOCTOR: “I said ‘salt water’!”

JORCH: (pause) “No wonder Tahmmy has been so upset with me lately”

Jorch tours Saint Peter’s Cathedral at the Vatican wearing a t-shirt that says “If Mine Was Any Bigger I’d Be Black”.

Jorch dresses up like Abe Lincoln — top hat, beard, long black coat, bow tie, lifts on his shoes — and tours the Museum of the Confederacy in Richmond, Virginia.

With childlike enthusiasm in his persistent belief in Santa Claus, Jorch puts out a glass of milk and a plate of cookies by the fireplace on Christmas Eve... but not before placing a giant, mushroom-headed dildo standing upright in the fireplace.

“Ho-Ho-OHHHHHHHH!!!”

Jorch is a defendant in a court case...

“JUDGE: “Mister Noory, you’re hereby exculpated.”

JORCH: “No, please! There must be some mistake!”

Jorch somehow qualifies to appear on Jeopardy...

JORCH: “Let’s do ‘Noisy Upstairs Neighbors’ for 200, Alex.”

ALEX: Finish this common apartment complex complaint... “It sounds like someone’s bouncing balls on the...blank...upstairs.”

JORCH: What is “chin”?

(Uncomfortably long pause, mixed with some snickering in the audience)

ALEX: “Floor. ‘Floor’ is what we were looking for.”

What with both Veteran’s Day and Thanksgiving in the same month, Jorch has partaken in a meaningful November tradition since he was just a lad...

He finds a scarecrow in a field, shoves a turkey drumstick up its keister, and jerks off on its face, before spray-painting “Kilroy Was Here” on its ass cheeks.

Jorch's favourite strap-on is called The Coast Insider....

Guy calling in to talk about the wildfires named “Sparky” Hahahahaha Ok, which one of you is this?

I'm just about to call in as Irishman, Pire O'Maniac….

Art captained The Amistad.

After haranguing Tahhmmee for years about getting a penis enlargement, Jorch has finally got his head around it....

Tahhmmeeee and Jerry Corsi like to live dangerously.

Their latest dare is to swim close to Japanese whaling vessels....

Jorch believes regular bodily functions are the key to good health.

Accordingly, he starts every morning with a long, satisfying whizz, after which he opens his bowels for a ripping steamer.

Then he gets out of bed....

Jorch’s nickname is The Great White Shark, because he attacks suddenly and without warning (he silently farts in close quarters in public), then he wanders off while his initial attack debilitates his victims, then he returns later to survey the damage and “attack” again if need be.

Down Under, Jorch is known as The White Pointer, but for a completely different reason.

Jorch calls Animal Regulation...

“Hello, this is Animal Regulation, how can I help you?”

JORCH: “My dog has treed a coon in my backyard. Can you send someone over to get it down?”

“Have you tried luring it down with some peanut butter?”

JORCH: “He says he won’t come down unless I get him a bucket of Extra Crispy KFC.”

(Silence)...

JORCH: “Hello?... Hello?...”

(click)... (dial tone)...







Jorch is a disgrace.

Jorch’s alternate personality’s name is Tug McKock.