But, Lola says that Heavenly Father doesn't get mad at me. I don't know how that could be since He got so mad at me that He doesn't talk to me anymore. I heard Him yell because I was talking about having sex with Derek the first time because he was going to that comic book convention and I thought that he might find someone else. I was 16 and really insecure.

That reminder of my perfidy made Father yell and shout and then He didn't want to talk to me anymore. So, I am telling you. There is something that doesn't add up between what I have heard and what Lola says about Heavenly Father. I think He's mad at the BunBun all the time.

Lola is a prey animal. Lola doesn't have any predator at all. She probably doesn't get in trouble with Father because she would never think revenge thoughts. The most troublesome thing that my beautiful Lola would think is that she should be independent from her husband. She thinks that God took her husband from her because she thought that. I said, "Lola, don't you see the inconsistency with what you are telling me?" You think God took your husband away from you because you thought thoughts of being independent. You tell me that God won't and can't get mad at me. But, I have heard Him mad at me all the time. I don't think He approves of the BunBun.

Christianity will mess with your mind in a way that is difficult to deal with. There is fear because of eternal Hell Fire and seperation from God and any good thing if you screw up. There is fear mixed with grief, mixed with hope, mixed with sorrow that you have to swallow on a daily basis.

This lamb/wolf girl is in trouble.

But, I am not a bad girl. I am very useful.