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Weakness, weak·ness noun noun: weakness

 
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User ID: 68889276
United States
01/08/2017 07:37 PM

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Weakness, weak·ness noun noun: weakness
Weakness,

That’s the word we use to describe a state of being, weather it be mental, emotional, physical or some other condition in which we currently reside. We have a natural ability to put ourselves in all kinds of conditions, Some have the ability to rise above any circumstance and achieve any goal they set for themselves. Others, just have enough strength to keep ones self a float, and then there are the individuals that don’t have the strength, mentally, emotionally or physically to keep fighting everyday for the ability to walk another step.

I used to pray and ask God to help me, help me overcome the this prison I lived in, in my mind, I would ask him why he allowed those things to happen to me, what good could ever come from it. I used to think, that, “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger”, well, that’s a crock of shit! Let me tell ya! I have had things happen to me and things done to me by people your supposed to be able to trust, that, left me wishing I was dead. So, the next time you try talking to someone about your problems or something that’s happen to you in your life that has had a profound effect on who you are, and, all they can manage to say is “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” Get up out of your chair and punch that stupid fuck right in the mouth.

Sexual abuse, physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse are probably the single most damaging experiences one can live through. It strips you of all self worth, it robs you of your ability to love others including yourself. It leaves you empty and takes away your ability to trust anyone. Beyond the destructive habits and the lack of caring for yourself and others, it steels your ability to think beyond the prison bars of your mind. Yes, all those things leave you in a prison in your mind and there is no one with the key. Not even yourself. I used to pray for divine intervention, but, I don’t think help is on the way.

So…. We’re left with the question, what’s next? where do I go from here? Well, I don’t have that answer, I have nowhere left to turn. I get up every morning and have my coffee, prepare myself for another day and hope to God I don’t drive my car off a bridge. I’ll keep looking for the keys to this prison cell, but, after all these years, and all the searching, I’ve yet to find it. maybe there isn’t a key, maybe I’m just stuck in here and death is my reward. I guess we’ll find out sooner or later. For now, I’ll keep fighting, fighting to make sense of the harsh realities that I’m a mess, I’m suffering in a way that can’t be fixed with a pill. It’s can’t be stitched or dressed, surgery is not an option.

We wait, just wait for the hour of that sweet surrender to unfold and the passing of time and space, you break through that tunnel, and, you finally get relief from the chaos in your mind. All the voices that condemn you daily go away and your just standing there, in your final destination, where ever that may be.

Last Edited by Pugsly on 01/08/2017 07:43 PM
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Pugsly  (OP)

User ID: 68889276
United States
01/08/2017 07:41 PM

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Re: Weakness, weak·ness noun noun: weakness
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