Picked up by ZeroHedge: I have been reviewing resumes and just keep face palming...

I worry that you may be right...

That line of work should have an application form they fill out instead of a résumé.

OP, what do you think of this? I put pics of a lion and a train on my resume with the following descriptions below.

"I am a lion – confident, strong, well-groomed, well-respected, and when it comes to business, aggressive when necessary."

* "I am train – a tough, hard worker with that slightly stubborn streak that always holds him securely on the rails."

* "A strong family man – I idolise my children (Reg has four) and only for them do I drop my guard to make [sic] myself in silly situations."

Sound good?

It is your thinking which is wrong and why we have fallen into mediocracy .

The resume is the first impression that a potential employer gets of a candidate. If that candidate doesn't care enough about his first impression how can the employer believe that this person will care about his work?

Hiring is tricky these days because firing can be a nightmare. It is essential to hire the right person the first time around...

Jordan Schaeffer
Sometown, NJ 20176 | 512-707-5325 | [email protected] | LinkedIn Jorsanlovesguns@linkedin

Experienced Security Guard

Law enforcement professional whose background includes experience as a security guard for large events and venues as well as decorated service as a U.S. Army police officer. Earned awards for professionalism, integrity and “heroic acts” protecting people, property and assets.

Skills:

Corporate & Retail Security
Event Security & Crowd Control
Loss Prevention & Mitigation
Shrink Reduction
Customer Relations
Facility & Asset Protection
Firearms Handling & Safety
Defensive Tactics
Counter-Terrorism Measures
HAZMAT Handling
VIP/Personal Protection
Criminal Investigations
Undercover Surveillance
CCTV Systems
Workplace Safety
Corporate Experience

ABC COMPANY (Sometown, NJ)
Security Guard, 2015 to Present

Retained by nationwide security services firm to serve on security guard details for high-profile clients and events (e.g., pro sports games, tournaments and concerts).

Uncovered internal theft ring at manufacturing company that halted weekly losses of $5K+. Advised client of suspicions and instituted vehicle inspections of warehouse personnel.
Honored with “Hero Award” by F500 retailer for strengthening the security of receiving operations. Identified truck seal tampering and discrepancies on inventory/SKU records, leading to the arrest of criminal offenders responsible for $100K+ in stolen merchandise.
Commended by supervisors and retail clients for contributions to effective loss Served on uniformed security and undercover surveillance teams delivering shrink reductions of up to 25% by deterring theft, apprehending shoplifters and recovering stolen goods.
Demonstrated calm under pressure and quick decision-making in responding to emergency scenarios and crisis situations. Examples include leading the incident-free apprehension of armed terrorism suspects at an NFL game and performing CPR that revived a store customer suffering from a heart attack while waiting for paramedics to arrive.
Military Service

U.S. ARMY (5-year tour of duty)
Military Police (MP) Officer / U.S. Embassy (South Korea) Security Guard, 2010 to 2015

Participated in criminal investigations and provided security details for U.S. dignitaries. Contributed to safety, asset protection, loss prevention and law enforcement efforts. Honored with numerous medals, awards and commendations (list on request). Honorably discharged.

Education & Certifications

MP Training:



Graduated with distinction (Top 5%) from U.S. Army Military Police School (USAMPS)

Certifications:

First Aid & CPR Certified n Licensed to carry a concealed weapon
Certified in Firearms Safety, HAZMAT Handling & Taser Usage

I was reviewing resumes a few years ago, and one of the applicants had a contact email listed as xanaxqueen1976 or something along those lines...

Probably because the literacy rate in Tennessee is so bad.

If an applicant has an attitude of self-entitlement and snowflake sensibilities, that raises the odds he'll also be unreliable, inconsiderate, irresponsible.

I've heard people who own smaller businesses saying that finding a person who'll at least show up on time - much less any other qualification he or she may have - is a big issue.





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oh man you better file quick quick

Surprise! While you sheep were sleeping the whole educational system has been dumbed down to potato.

Now at least do not make a clown of yourself.
If what you say it's true and it represents the general level of education of young people in US, just consider that if someone might be still able to spell he wouldn't probably look for a job like the one you offer.

Where are you located?

The problem on writting a resume is that you relly cant know what each boss wants to see.

If OP dont like my resume, it dont mean I did somehow wrong

Is there anything else on your resume?

Entering into the busiest time of the year?

Federal contractor are you?

Why the fuck are you requesting resumes for a bull shit hiurly pay job. Are you fucking retarded? I remember my first business.........noob

I find the whole process fake and insincere.

Best resumè in the world would be written by a sociopath. Someone who manipulates people and tells you exactly what you want to hear to get what they want.

And then the people doing the hiring, looking down upon the applicants, deciding wether or not they should shower them with their blessings of putting stuff together at a bench for something just above minimum wage I'd assume.

Have you never heard of a temp agency? Let them deal with all that bullshit.

Letting that senior bench tech go is going to cost you a ton of money.

And yea, I agree eith this guy. You want resumes for a manual hourly job?
Wtf?

Whens the last time you hired someone for something?

There was manager at a building supply years ago who would have a potential new-hire candidate walk 100 foot in one direction, then turn ad come back. He could tell everything he needed to know by a person's gait.

Here's a good article on what a person's gait says about their personality. [link to www.bbc.com]

My grandfather was a job superintendent on large commercial projects. To hire a carpenter, he simply gave them the lumber to build a sawhorse. And hired based on the sawhorse.

The product of a liberal democrat run public education system.

I own my own business as well. It is frightening the level of retardation that the masses exude.

This is literally the dumbest thing I've ever read on the internet. Ever.

If you cannot write coherently, or be bothered to present a professional resume, you cannot do a good job. Period.

Just like military boot camp...if you cannot learn simple tasks and attention to detail folding your underwear, you have no business wearing our uniform.

Another idiotic post. If you cannot be bothered to submit a professional resume, you're going to be a lousy employee. Get it?

Uhh do you own a business? Doubtful you do. It's easy to pay someone to write a great resume for you so your point is shit. A terrible employee can pay for a high quality resume....resumes are for old fuckers using the pre internet version of business. I suggest you old dudes shut the fuck up and worry about catching up. Some of my best hires never submitted a resume....dont worry this advice is free of charge, giving all you the senior discount.

Assembling a product does not necessarily require the ability to prepare a good resume. An office job does.
However, if a job interview states that a written resume is required, then the ability to follow through with directions is paramount and a resume should be written. There are good points to both sides of this issue.

the whole reason that people interview is to find the most qualified candidate. Believe me, I've trained both very highly skilled and low skilled people. It is extremely difficult to take someone who is very low skill and make them more then that.

Also, to the comment that it's just manufacturing and you don't need to know English, you've obviously never worked in high-end manufacturing where details and quality matters.

20 year old neck beard wearing douchebags never hired anybody.

Temp agency is best route, no interviews, no resumés, if the person doesnt work out you just tell the temp agency you no longer require that persons services and request a new one.

They work for and are paid thru the temp agency so your hands are clean.

Hell when ya fire them ya don't even hafta do it yourself, you just tell the temp agency and they give them a job somewhere else.

This is your problem right here OP. It seems you view the job as some kind of gift you bestow upon those you deem worthy. This is not a good thing. In business everything is a deal / arrangement. You have a template for what you want and employees have templates for what they want. A job is a deal where the employee is trading their time for the productivity you need. However, when you view the job as you seem to, you're not considering both sides of an arrangement. This is usually the perspective error that leaves you wanting someone to do the work you need with no reasonable compensation. You probably get only the crappy resumes because the compensation isn't in balance with the job description. Those "educated" people you desire so much see right through this and decide not to apply to your opening. I would look more at what you are expecting through the job description vs what you are offering to applicants.

Past that, I don't know what it is you assemble, but I know I can put together just about anything in this world, design highly complex networks, policies, processes and have rescued businesses in peril through such improvements, only to get screwed over. I have stopped applying to such positions where the balance outlined above is out of whack because it tells me (applicant) a few things. First is that it would be a miserable place to work at. If a given job requires a bunch of stuff that doesn't pertain to the actual tasks and has low pay windows then every person is probably miserable working there. It makes the company a drain on everyone. It also tells me that the "boss" or manager is very detached from understanding their employees' perspective. If these things are not due to such detachment, then it is a case of the boss simply being greedy, or a POS person that one shouldn't waste their time on.

Back to the deal and arrangement topic. The simple answer is that if you're not attracting the caliber of applicants you desire, then you need to improve the deal in order to attract those applicants. Having only your interests in mind ALWAYS shows through in the job description and drives away quality employees.

I would start by looking at what your competitors are offering in your market and measure those deals against your own. You have to look at the ones who are finding the employees they want and then use that analysis to improve the deal you offer. What you're facing isn't that no one is skilled. There are better offers out there and the target people you're looking for are going for those better offers.

I hope this info helps you find the employees you're looking for.