Once when I was praying for an answer to a question that had been on my mind a lot, I kept asking, seeking, wanting an answer, but it didn't come, and I stopped actively pursuing it. One day (many weeks later) when I was home with a super severe migraine, and was so miserable and exhausted that I couldn't even cry another tear, I reached a point that I was unable to move, unable to offer up any sort of resistance or even enough energy to THINK. I was just existence, just consciousness, just being, NO filters, NO thought, NO purpose, NO resistance. Just a lump on the couch. At that point, I RECEIVED information, an awareness, a cryptic answer - from God, from the Universe, whatever, but it slowly seeped into my consciousness. Once I had recovered from the migraine and was able to reflect on the experience I decided that sometimes our actions, thoughts, will, and various other filters only serve as hurdles, roadblocks, etc. to messages from "the other side". I've always believed in prayer (making our wishes/will known, offering up our position), but now I also understand the importance of meditation (listening, receiving PASSIVELY). You mentioned that you often sought understanding via prayer, and you also mentioned Buddhism. Perhaps a more passive, meditative approach may help at times.