WTF!!!??? My dad received this letter yesterday, it makes for pretty scary reading!!!

of course you do because in americut two universities convinced the country to do phonix and new math and now
everyone below the 70% is pretty much illiterate unless they have a tutor or a private school or are in the upper percentile


but like a phoenix we will rise from the ashes
and the world will never be the same

They do in England, we have a slightly higher standard of education over here.

enjoy the muslim's rapes and attacks!

They do offer some free earplugs which is kind of them.

Haha...APRIL FOOLS

Interesting thing to me is evidently the OP's dad has a god as a pet....

Damn....

Send that sucker out to do some smiting

What do you guys think!?


Dear Mr ........ (name withheld for security purpose)

Following an extensive topographical survey of the ******** area we have identified your holding as the optimum position for a new 5th generation telecommunications conduit.

As such it is our proposal to erect a small tower, in your garden at no extra cost to you or your family. We actually have a financial offer that will far outweigh any negligible inconveniences.

In order to facilitate the build we have a specialised team of engineers that will live onsite, almost unnoticed for the 2 month duration of the initial construction phase. These highly trained engineers will work in synergy with you and your family to maintain the highest standard of living during this initial phase. Once the main tower is built, another team will periodically attend the site while they make the device ‘live’. These engineers will live off site to conform to health and safety ‘best practice’ guidelines.

Having erected many of these towers we understand that you may have some questions at this point so we would like to provide you with an FAQ segment to provide a better understanding of our proposal.

What will the tower look like?

The tower will be constructed of an aircraft grade aluminium and will stand 31.6m in height and 1.17m in diameter. Our research indicates that this is not to everyone’s taste and as such we have a dedicated team of engineers that will transform the tower into a replica tree of your choice rendering it almost invisible to the human eye. Our specialised team of experts will connect purpose built polyurethane branches and leaves. From a distance it will be almost indistinguishable from the natural flora. Current offerings for the disguise are English Oak, Horse Chesnut and the ever popular Douglas Fir.

Are there any health risks?

Our scientists suggest the dangers are negligible. We will fit Geiger counters in your abode to provide warning of any breach in 5g containment and our team of experts will remove you to an undisclosed, safe location in an emergency situation, where you and your family will be processed in the appropriate manner.

Do we need to take any precautions during the build?

Our engineers will adhere to basic health and safety requirements during the initial tower construction, however during the activation stage when the 5g is initiated, our contractors will use full body radiation proof suits and level 5 air filter systems. This is purely as a precaution of course.

Will there be any noise from the tower?

The tower will emit a slight hum of around 80 decibels. Our research suggests that under certain conditions this is not harmful to humans. We will provide you and your family with a monthly supply of commercial standard ear plugs in order to negate any small noise issues.

*It may be worth noting that in some cases, family pets may have a slightly adverse reaction to the noise and as such we suggest rehousing any pets, particularly gods, to an alternative abode at least 5km away. Our team of experts will be happy to help with any rehousing that may be required.

Are there any potential long term effects of exposure to the tower?

Research into this issue is still at the embryonic stage and it would be unfair to comment at this stage.

What do I need to do?

We only ask that you provide access to one, fully flushable toilet and small breakfast for the onsite engineers. Breakfast can include anything from smoked salmon to kedgeree, they aren’t fussy.

Are there any financial l benefits for me ?

We are very excited to offer you a discount of 51% on your yearly subscription and instant membership of our triple black platinum membership program giving you access to reduced price films and one premium movie stream (under 100 minutes) per month. In essence you will receive our premium package for less than half price!

We appreciate that this is a lot of information to digest but we feel confident you will agree that this is a once in a lifetime opportunity that is simply too good to miss.

We therefore request that you complete the attached consent form and with all being well, our team of engineers can be on site within a week.

We very look forward to working with you and your family.

Kind regards,

Name withheld for security reasons.

"We will fit Geiger counters in your abode..."

Geiger counters measure radioactivity, not electromagnet radiation.
You'll be frying in EMF while the counter reads zero.

Lolz, the bad part of this April fools joke is that they probably would expect you to let them do it for free. At least here they'd pay you for the land.

North Dakota Oil Patch here...

When they find oil on someones land and the owner won't let them drill, they just drill from the neighboring land laterally. They will do it regardless, and the land owner gets nothing except the radiation and stench from the well next door.