What is it like to be lonely?

What is it like to be lonely? Let me explain.

My whole life I never had many friends. I had more friends when I was 15 than I ever had as an adult, especially now. I have zero friends.

I have people I work with, but outside of work I do not speak to them or hang out with them. I have a brother, we talk on occasion but we never do anything together or hangout outside of family events (Christmas, 4th of July, etc..). My parents, I see them at least once a week, but outside of that I don't really do anything with them as they're both homebodies.

The best days of the week for me is the weekday, when I'm at work. It's my chance to be around people, and get to talk to people. While most people dread Monday's, I look forward to them.

But once I come home from work, I come home to an empty house. Silence, with nobody to talk to. No matter how badly I want a friend to talk to, I have no friend to call. No matter how bad I want to go out and do something, I have nobody to call and say "hey, let's go do something" and they say "okay".

My evenings are filled with a huge void, I mainly stay inside and do nothing because I just don't find the joy in going out and doing things by myself, with nobody to share it with. I use to enjoy doing things by myself, but now I find myself wishing I had friends to share my time with and do things with. I simply do not have that.

The weekends are usually the days that people look forward to; Friday being most people's favorite day of the week. To me, I dread Friday and what's to come. I dread the weekends. They're long, very lonely and most Friday and Saturday nights are spent laying in bed feeling more lonely than ever and cry myself to sleep.

Evenings and nights on the weekend are so empty and silent. I sit in my house feeling as though I'm the only person on this planet, often wondering if anyone out there is thinking of me; reality sits in and I realize that most likely the answer is no.

I often find myself scrolling through my contacts to see if there's anyone I can call, to talk to or hang out with.... and I come up empty handed. I have the phone #'s of co-workers, but again.. they're just that. Besides, all but one co-worker is married with kids. The one who isn't has a girlfriend that he lives with.

After a few minutes I put my phone down, and just stare off into space.

My entire weekend is fill with silence, and most of the time I go Friday @5 all the way through Monday when I get to work without ever talking to anyone.

It's absolutely the worst feeling in the world. It's amazing how big this world is, the millions of people around us at any given moment; yet I feel as though I'm the only person on the planet.