My buddy's wife is coming home and he hasn't cleaned the house all week.....

When my wife is gone, there's zero mess to clean up. I'm a very simple guy and make no mess. I use one plate at a time and clean it up.

Yes, my dad's glare....scary stuff, that.

I really didn't see it much, because again, I didn't even think of sassing my parents, or any adult.

I swear, the first thing my dad said to me after being born had to of been, "Yes, sir/ma'am and No, sir/ma'am....and don't forget thank you and please. Now you can go live."

I just didn't know that sassing existed. I was raised by southern parents, very strict.


Aaaand, that's probably why I am exactly like I am today, mostly a rebel....

I was going to say "Marry me?", but you're already taken....

Just bang an OCD or Mexican woman while she is gone and the house will sparkle.

I never saw a woman take the labels off the appliances to clean under them. And they do like to wear nothing but the gloves and an apron while clean.

I am so doing this all wrong, all so very wrong!!

I've just put a second load of laundry in the washer, fed the outside cat and brought the indoor / outdoor cats back in and fed them too.

What is wrong with me?!?!?!?!

You're doing it right, Louis....

And if you REALLY want to smooth things over with her, pick ONE room - - the kitchen, the bathroom, the laundry room, and really clean it from top to bottom so that it sparkles. I'd suggest the bathroom if you can't decide, because 99 out of 100 women will tell you that cleaning the bathroom is their most hated chore. Scrub the sink, the tub/shower, the TOILET, Windex the mirror and the light fixture above the sink, put a new roll of paper in the holder, mop the floor, shake the rugs, even wash the little window and the ledge under it. If you have access to flowers, put a vase full on one end of the counter.

When she gets home, and you can see that she's gathering her breath in order to start shrieking, say "Honey, I cleaned the bathroom." She'll roll her eyes but she'll HAVE to go and look, and she'll be so impressed with how it SPARKLES that she'll think it took you two or three days to do that good of a job! Don't disavow her of that concept, just say something like "I was going to do the kitchen next but I ran out of time." That will sound like the truth, because it is the truth. And even though she may still be annoyed about the condition of the rest of the house, she'll be a lot easier to get along with in the days to come!


ETA: Or, you could just try blaming it on the Russians.

Last Edited by Eggcellently Deplorable on 09/14/2019 07:41 PM

The old stinky cunt.....


Did you know I can't stand that woman?....

I have 3 daughters dont pretend to preach to me about the cleanliness of women

Op has a thing for men who look like women, becuase it sure as hell wasn't funny.

I know, I know what is wrong..lol...if you have a dog you forgot to bring him in, the poor thing.
But then again, I understand..this is one of the cats.

One of the best birthday presents that my hubby ever gave me was, he paid a friend of ours to come in shortly after I left for work in the morning and spend all day cleaning the house. She cleaned homes for a living, so she had all the equipment and magic elixers to make it sparkle. We both left for work at the same time, but he circled back around the block to leave the back door unlocked for her.

I'd been sort of bummed out all day because of having to work on my birthday, but when I got home the house even SMELLED clean, and there was a birthday card from him propped up on the shiny clean kitchen counter.

Birthdays come and go, but that is one which I'll never forget!

Spoken like a true female. If you were a male, you'd understand.

I hit the button on the roomba, it backed up turned around and took one look at the floor. A red circle came on and it went right back on the dock like "fuck that".

I'm screwed.

I've met some TERRIBLE female housekeepers. One was RANK.

Being a slob knows no bounds!


This thread was really about getting my "revenge" on Monzsta....we've been making fun of one another, ya know?....harhar, good CLEAN fun....

I really didn't intend for it to be taken so seriously....

But I didn't do it....

I just sit there with a stunned look on my face & say "HONEY, it wasn't me...it was the RUSSIANS"! :D

Have been unplugged since this a.m., so just checkin' back here and damn if you people don't make me spew my alcohol and damn near pee my pants w/ y'all's posts here!

Kudos to you CosmicGypsy, for IMHO this is the best thread here at the cyber bar this evening. This sort of thing usually evolves to a crowd bet as to if dude lives to see next day when wife comes home.

Thx for kicking my wkend in high gear w/ some big belly LOLs.

Lol Chris is brilliant.


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Find a lawyer, quick!

This sort of thing will become a regular occurrence as machines are given more intelligence.

OH shit.

Is she home yet?