Would you write this book?

She has cost me a ridiculous amount of damages.

She quite literally stole the best years of my life and labor, with no qualms about it (and does the same to others).

Medically, alone, undoing the damage she did - if I could afford to and it could be done entirely - would cost hundreds of thousands of dollars. I've already spent in the tens of thousands (non-US prices).

There's no retirement package from having been saddled with a psychopath.

At the very best, there is crawling off to a corner to die more slowly, or there's a faint promise of book deals.

go for it.

If nothing else, I'm thinking it might make a good tabloid article. That's about all the investment she's likely to get from me these days.

Sounds like there is fuel for the book in there...

Go for it.

Yeah, tabloid it is.

nice!

Thanks for the one line of input

Have you ever sought the professional services of a psychologist and/or psychiatrist? Serious question.

Yep.

In my professional life, I've passed psychological screening to gain certification.

Prior to that:

The first one was a military psychologist. He told me that what I had been through was too much for a normal person to deal with, to take some LSD, completely bury and erase my past in my mind, create a new persona, and start over.

We hadn't actually discussed what I had been through, but I was helping him with filing and we were standing in his office across the hall from some of it at the time - I essentially waved at it and asked how to deal with "all of that." I was 15.

The second one curled up into a ball and had a complete mental breakdown about twenty minutes into what seemed like an ordinary intake session (it was a requirement to enter a youth shelter). I hadn't even said anything that hugely profound. Two orderlies had to carry her out.

I don't know what the hell I triggered for her and genuinely don't think she should have been a shrink.

After that, I got referred by her office to a specialist - on ritual abuse - I never claimed to be a victim of that. To be honest, I'd internalized most of what I was dragged through and decided I must be the weird one for having a problem with any of it.

The ritual abuse therapist said I was "the most well put together" victim he had seen, said it would take ten years of tearing me down and wrecking my mind before he could build me back up. He didn't feel it was necessary. We both agreed that I didn't have the time or money. I was 17 at the time.

If there was something genuinely wrong, it would have been pretty fucked up for him to turn down treating me. I wasn't even 18 yet.

After that, I gave up on that field as a tool for anything other than developing a headache.

Last Edited by TlvmmCpoft on 11/08/2019 01:13 AM

I wouldn’t be able to write a book like that. We should, we both should, but it’s painful. I hate remembering, let alone the thought of trying to put it into words.

The world deserves to know, but, it’s too painful. Maybe if someone else did it? If someone could just ask you stuff and put it all together? A biographer? That sounds so much better.

Meh. Maybe. But it would just mean bleeding it out to a biographer for weeks or months, and then having them screw up parts. Double pain and nuisance.

True, true. And they would get all the money.

Ha. That too if the thing barely sells.

Anyway, if you'd ever be interested in an exchange, you write mine - I write yours, I might be up for it.

Mind you, I'm trying to buy a casa by the sea right now so I don't have a ton of free time, but I do have a block or two here and there.

How are things, Micah?

Very good, Alicia.

What, no love? Just post and run.

Last Edited by TlvmmCpoft on 11/08/2019 01:43 AM

That’s a great idea! I’m not a professional writer, but I know how to write fairly well. I’ve written a lot in college, and since then I’ve done press releases and such.

I wonder if there is some kind of biographers cheat sheet out there so we could know what questions to ask and how the organise the information.

Let’s think about it and I can upgrade and message you my email if we decide to look into it further.

Sounds like a plan :)

I do have writing experience but all of the stuff over 100 pages has been technical. Technical is easy to organize. Life experiences get bulky at that point.

My biggest stumbling blocks are usually:

- organizing anything past ten chapters

- finding the right perspective/vantage point to write from and finding a way to maintain it

- giving life a plot line

Selling her out is the "upside".

What's the predictable downside other than publicity and your unexpected "suicide"?

Write it as fiction. Use an alias from a different country, but tell the truth. Maybe change some dates or geography in your story, obviously peoples names, etc

It would seem to me to be a healing process


I did something similar but burned it in the end and said goodbye to that part of my life.

I would be interested in reading your stories.

You know when they threaten to kill your family?
Sell you into slavery?
Steal everything you have?
Disappear you?

Those were everyday events in my life with her. The threats don't really work because they weren't threats, they were everyday life.

It's like threatening a Monday. It's going to come, regardless.

And I'm STILL trying to fix and recover from most of it. Aftermath doesn't magically go away on its own one day.

Last Edited by TlvmmCpoft on 11/08/2019 01:28 PM

Nah to the fiction. My life was already buried under a bunch of fiction I was expected to maintain while staying silent on the truth.

I'm glad it helped you, though.

Last Edited by TlvmmCpoft on 11/08/2019 01:30 PM

This that you said makes it a little hard to believe:

"The second one curled up into a ball and had a complete mental breakdown about twenty minutes into what seemed like an ordinary intake session (it was a requirement to enter a youth shelter). I hadn't even said anything that hugely profound. Two orderlies had to carry her out. "

What did you tell her?

Miss Bunny Swan doesn't even know the half of what's going on with the experimentation on her.

I've got a birds eye on that.

It's kind of like asking if you should perform surgery. You've never done it, you're admittedly not good at it, and most of it is- in your words- boring as a day folding laundry.

I'd say why waste your time? Everyone has a story to tell, interesting stories aren't in short supply, well told ones are.

If you really think you have something no one else is ever going to be able to reproduce, then start writing. Get better, become disciplined, stop coming up with all the reasons you can't and star doing.

Or just let it remain a fantasy of yours.

I do understand how difficult it can. be to turn a personal story into a book. I've been threatened persistently about doing so.

If you're telling the truth about all this. It's worthy of a book, don't waste it on a tabloid.

I'm not saying your story isn't believable. There are things going on more disturbing than even what you've brought.

It's hard to get information about to the general public, because it's so disturbing, they just don't want to believe.

Nothing big. I think she was a victim of something and I triggered the living hell out of her.

To be honest, she had asked me to share what I had been through, which was something I never did because it was painful, but I did it for her - the tiniest bit, couldn't have been more than a few sentences. And then she essentially acted like I had stabbed her in the heart (when she curled up and went semi-comatose).

That hurt me.

I finally opened up to show a wound and it was her we ended up having to nurse and take care of, while I was just left there exposed and feeling like I had hurt someone just by sharing myself.

I didn't talk about any of it again for about another 15 years after that, other than accidentally bringing experiences or knowledge up in conversation, realizing I shouldn't have, and then distracting away from it.

Last Edited by TlvmmCpoft on 11/08/2019 01:54 PM

Yes write it i wanna know more about the nights at yale!