Thank you. I draw inspiration from a proverb.

Psalm 45[a]
For the director of music. To the tune of “Lilies.” Of the Sons of Korah. A maskil. A wedding song.
1 My heart is stirred by a noble theme
as I recite my verses for the king;
my tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.

2 You are the most excellent of men
and your lips have been anointed with grace,
since God has blessed you forever.

3 Gird your sword on your side, you mighty one;
clothe yourself with splendor and majesty.
4 In your majesty ride forth victoriously
in the cause of truth, humility and justice;
let your right hand achieve awesome deeds.
5 Let your sharp arrows pierce the hearts of the king’s enemies;
let the nations fall beneath your feet.
6 Your throne, O God,[c] will last for ever and ever;
a scepter of justice will be the scepter of your kingdom.
7 You love righteousness and hate wickedness;
therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions
by anointing you with the oil of joy.
8 All your robes are fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia;
from palaces adorned with ivory
the music of the strings makes you glad.
9 Daughters of kings are among your honored women;
at your right hand is the royal bride in gold of Ophir.

10 Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention:
Forget your people and your father’s house.
11 Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
honor him, for he is your lord.
12 The city of Tyre will come with a gift,[d]
people of wealth will seek your favor.
13 All glorious is the princess within her chamber;
her gown is interwoven with gold.
14 In embroidered garments she is led to the king;
her virgin companions follow her—
those brought to be with her.
15 Led in with joy and gladness,
they enter the palace of the king.

16 Your sons will take the place of your fathers;
you will make them princes throughout the land.

17 I will perpetuate your memory through all generations;
therefore the nations will praise you for ever and ever

My tongue is the pen of a skillful writer.

I am not good at speaking, but i can express myself through writing.

My name, is the name of Jesus, I know I am on the right path of knowing his name. One night when i was reading, i felt this overwhelming since of love and peace.

My memory of my life and love for this woman, will be perpetuated and outlive all generation because it was true love. Nothing can take that away from me. I remember having these dream where i saw this spirit face to face, and had a conversation with it/him. It looked like me, (maybe i was speaking to my own soul that night). I remember immediately afterward feeling this warm water spread over me. I was wet one second and dry the next. I felt this power, this power I knew nothing could stand in the way of. Immedietely after my baptism, i laid down to go to sleep, and this voice I recognized as the devil came to me. I was slightly afraid, but confident. I then went to sleep and forgot about my baptism until a few months later.

Jesus replied, “I assure you, no one can enter the Kingdom of God without being born of water and the Spirit.

Ever since then, i have undergone suffering. Lost everything I had, mentally and physically. I lost all my possessions. Lost my father (he abandoned me emotionally), lost my mother (she succommed to a mental illness, bipolar schizophrenia). I lost all who i thought was my friends. I lost my insanity, and was driven to folly and madness, being committed twice to a mental hospital. I've been insulted, saying i've been brainwashed by religion, and been made a sheep.

I know deep down God/Jesus is doing something with me, this is my witness and my testimony. I've been on the brink of homelessness and disaster. I've attempted suicide twice. I've had this passive deathwish for 6 years now (love is as strong as death). Every time, god has found a way to pull me through, to stand me up again, when all i want to do is lay down and die and give up. I'm kicking and screaming and resisting god's will, but he won't give up on me, he keeps dragging me through these trials and tribulations. Everytime he reforms me with the fires of life and love, i gain a new perspective. It is truly beautiful and torturous. If it wasn't for God's love and loyalty for me, and the love I possess for this woman, i'd be dead and gone by now.