Well... it's the Ides of March... my Birthday. Probably my last. What did I get?

I've been in the hospital four times this year, all for over three days, including my birthday. I literally could not breathe in the beginning of Jan. Went to ER, got cat scan, found out I had a two inch cyst infected w bacteria and pus inside of it ATTACHED TO MY LUNG. Kept in hospital for four days barely able to breathe, given antibiotics and sent home.

Few weeks later on my birthday I broke out in INSANE hives that didn't go away for two hours. Mother came to pick me up to go to ER. As walking to go outside my hip popped out of my socket. I laid in the worst physical pain ever for an hour until they could get me in the ambulance. (I had a hip replacement because of some freak condition, my hip got infected two days after surgery, had to do it all over again, sent to nursing home for sixty days for around the clock IV. Was in hospital and nursing home care and them giving me opiates for pain I became addicted. No one warned me. Went to three rehabs and two detoxes after. I am now on Suboxone maintenance for pain and was on it at first for withdrawal, this was in 2017 I am 26 years old)

Went to hospital, put me to sleep and popped hip back in. Another stay for four days. (Happy birthday right?)

Week later started having intense panic attacks for no reason. Went to ER they gave me a few Xanax. Now I am diagnosed with panic disorder, PTSD, depression and more.

Two weeks later, can't breathe again. Go back to hospital they keep me for three days giving me breathing treatments. Doctors say cyst went down, and now they don't know what the problem is. Got sent home, still the same thing going on.

I am 26.

I have severe asthma, allergies this time of year, and a bacterial infection inside lungs. Haven't went out in two weeks. Self quarantined and scared to death about virus.


Sorry about your one mother fucking birthday buddy, but others have a lot, a mother fucking LOT more illnesses underlying to worry about. I'm so fucking sorry you and your friends can't meet and play dungeons and dragons.

Oh yeah one more thing, fuck MY life.

Good fellow, good friend.

Hate to see you so morose!

I still do that, but mostly in my night-time dreams, but this waking reality is an interconnected system, so there are constraints one must endure within the collective dynamic, right now it's a high-entropy shift hard to lower due to the many negative participants shaping this event.

It's like trying to change the chapter of a book or movie that has pre-destined events, one can only try to mitigate the damage others cause or avoid altogether. Meaning... I'm just one of 7.7 billion who are trying to achieve a higher-conscious outcome when so many are doing the opposite, lower-conscious agents or crabs in the bucket creating through fear, ego, selfishness, control and hate. It's dragging us all down with them.

From my perspective, we are now seeing what a lack of love creates in the world and it's entirely against my will, a violation of what I would consider acceptable by any standard but... we must march on through this uncertainty.

NO!

Game still on until your gone!

I can sit in solidarity with you, I know how enduring life is for us all. I wish you the best and wish for your safety in these uncertain times. I hope we all get through this together.

Hey Ian,

Why'd you take all the lucid dreaming learning vids off your YT? Did you decide to just make a gamers deal or were you "asked" to?

Well, I did it of my own volition due to lack of interest in that style of content. I wanted to create a system that took the best dreaming science backed by fMRI and wrap it into a fun, entertaining and exciting way to dream that could step-up a person into more advanced dreaming.

Thought my old content wasn't interesting enough for mass consumption and I could come back stronger with more fun and exciting material but since Feb my attention has been more on this emerging crisis and how to protect my friends and family from harm.

I'm kind of now just observing where this is all going and not feeling to optimistic at the moment so if the downtrend continues I'll likely not be adding any more content or advancing that project.

I'm kind of epically pissed right now at the shitpuppets in our world.

Self-Loathing Wussy! Boo-hoo, Boo-hoo, woe is you! What a cry-baby of wimp.

Well, happy birthday and may you have many more!

You have friends?

Wow.



(I call them 'disease vectors'.)

This silly song always makes me smile when I need it. Hoping that yours friends are fine.

Happy Birthday!

[link to www.youtube.com (secure)]

Hey, we all have to make sacrifices. Buck up and quit acting like a baby.

Well at least you have GLP.

You can lay about and read depressing horror stories all day. (Your anger is good because the alternative is depression and that will kill you.)

Don't forget to read some health & wellness sites while you are at it.

Have your half million dollars worth of doctors made you healthy yet? I'm guessing ~not.

You have to make wellness YOUR responsibility.

Happy Birthday!!

OP only wishes he was dreaming.

You get 5 stars and a smile!

Oh, and happy birthday!

Been following your stuff off and on for years. Thank you for your efforts.

I spend most of my time doing the stuff needed to stay above ground - you know, like most of us do most of the time.

As for dreaming, at night I mostly fix stuff, what, I'm never sure.

You win by surviving. The rest is bullshit.

Good luck!

Happy birthday buddy. It won't be your last birthday keep your head up. We're all a little on edge lately.

It is strange times that we are living in.

Sending prayers for your friends.

Somebody has to say this.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

So it's your birthday. Happy Birthday.

So you can't have a party. You've been isolating for months anyway so it's really not a big deal.

You don't even have the coronavirus. But you have to make a thread because it's Your birthday and You feel sorry for yourself. Self-absorbed much? Maybe focus on your friends that have symptoms? Offer emotional support?
Think about the ones who REALLY have it bad right now. Like the ones on ventilators in the hospitals who will die by the end of the day.
Reach out by text or messaging or phone call to your friends.

What are you, ten?

They're sick and you're being a bitch about your birthday?

Your attitude is representative of today's crybaby culture.

F*ck you.

Thank u. Sorry I was mean and sounded vindictive.

Thank you for the support. I am angry and have been getting advice on here how to bolster my immune system.i guess I'm just angry at life. It's just full of mishaps and missed opportunities. My best friend died when I was in the hospital too. It never ends

Happy birthday bro!
Why don't you go for a nap and have a wonderful lucid dream where your friends are healthy and you have a big birthday party?

My entire core friend group may be exposed to Covid :(

Just waiting on confirmation from a test yesterday one of my life-long friends traveled to Mexico, got back a week ago and now has all the covid symptoms. I've been socially distancing for literally a month so no contact. But now my core friend group is all reporting symptoms. He got tested, but we are awaiting results.

Now I have to stay away from all my friends on my Birthday.

Fuck my life.
[/quot



Are tears rolling down your face?

It sounds like you are doing all the right things! Kudos to you for informing your friend on what to do, too.

Hang in there.

You are getting slammed all at once, plus the world is going to shit at the same time.

Concentrate on clearing this rough spot. At your age there is still plenty of sailing on the other side, if you come through in one piece.

Consider it some damn good training even if your drill sergent is a maniac!

:happybirthday: