That's a contradiction right there. I do believe the christian way of life but there are many things I do struggle with. One of the quotes you made is one of them. How are we supposed to love something we fear? I do fear god and I know he's real but I fear I'm not worthy enough and that makes me anxious for what lays beyond.

Apart from that, I dont believe that god done away with the devil at the point you mentioned. I think hell is very much active now as it was back then.
Not until he is cast down to the lake of fire do things change. How though I dont know. Do all the demons stop torturing then and are also cast down with the devil? How did they get the tools to create the pits of hell and the cube chambers that's mentioned in the bible and many NDE stories? Who was the first person in hell and how did it come about given the place was designed for satan and his Angel's only. How is it satan is free to roam the land like a lion on the prowl for his victims when he supposed to be locked in hell? I believe I had a demonic experience once.so I do believe in them? It's just so much doesn't make sense to me.