Notes from an "alternate universe": The Revelation of the Real World

Define "own thoughts"

Something that has been on my mind a while now. Some say they have an 'inner voice,' some say they do not. I have an 'inner voice' that narrates, and my thoughts are in English.

But it seems to me that sitting with one's own thoughts would be in absence of such a narration, the 'thoughts' being the perceptions themselves. Meaning the perceptions-that-arent-"thoughts"

When you say such things like the Cult diminishes the inner voice, certainly you can't mean the one that 'talks' in English, bc that's obviously not the way everyone thinks. And there's been some discussion of inner voices before, I guess I'm still not clear on how you conceptualize inner voices and thoughts

Forcing an absence of narration when one is used to having one is difficult-ish. Switching between the two modes of thinking, one with the actual 'mentally audible voice' and one without, is actually fun. The difference in sensation and focus is interesting. It seems I'm more observant sans-mental-voice, but exercise is needed

Let's say that 'inner dialogue' and 'own thoughts' are the same thing.

Each interprets this in their own way, as it is a very local perception.

I know. It doesn’t. I’m finding it hard to word things around this. Perhaps I need some time to … urgh.

At least with this one there wasn’t a massive wall of fear / resistance. I remember years ago I had that reaction to the gender reversal thing. It took a good few years before it REALLY showed up in my local perspective, and at first I blamed “you” that it had.

I mean I’m not sure I need to word it. That’s me again feeling I need to prove myself or explain myself. You’ve explained it perfectly well in your follow up posts…

'Around' is an interesting choice of word.

Words that describe reality are easy to find, perhaps.

"I'm finding it hard to deceive myself about this," no one said, ever.

What is the first thought that comes to mind?

Last Edited by The Builder on 09/30/2022 10:50 AM

I’ve just been thinking about some of the different ways that Chaos can be distributed.

In my own life, I guess I have been striving for an Orderly center with Chaos increasing as you travel outward. Kind of a gradient with white in the middle progressing towards darkness is my initial visualization but maybe black at the center makes more sense…?
The result has been a pretty cozy home life in a ‘mad world’.

When I look at it this way, it is harder to complain about the ‘madness’. If it has to exist, why wouldn’t I want it ‘out there’?

Maybe that gets boring and a little blob of Chaos comes inside to visit. Maybe I can dilute it a bit and let it take up so more space etc

Perhaps some people like more of a checker board. Hopping between extremes or trying to stay on their own preferred tile color as they navigate through the other.

I guess the point is that it has to go somewhere. As the builder said, ‘choose your Chaos or it will be chosen for you’ so maybe equal time should be spent on that. When it is hard to think of what things I would like in my life, I can take a break and think of the ‘best’ chaos to chose and where to put it. Messy drawers really irritate me but you sure can find useful things in there sometimes.

That I don't trust myself, in all ways. That its precisely because of not trusting myself that I see / experience so many ways not to trust. However seems difficult when I know im purposely deceiving myself and that its needed for me to exist.

Perfect.

Like the human eye, with 'Order' in the center and Chaos increasing as your sense of Self travels outward. The trick is to find the right balance so that flow (or vision, below) is achieved.

'The 21 Maxims of Reality' maxim 4 (Reality Is Made Up Of How We Perceive, Not What We Perceive) is relevant. I'll past part of it here in case others find some benefit.

4.2
To take the human eye as an example, when there is contraction and expansion you get vision. The contraction of eye muscles allow you to get information about relationships in three dimensions (geometry), and muscle expansion allows you to get data about interactions (motion) in three dimensions.

In order to see something, you process these two kinds of information at the same time. But the more you have about one kind, the less you can have about the other. The more information you have about geometry (relationships, time, or Order), the less data you have about motion (interactions, space, or Chaos). When there is less light hitting the eye in dimly-lit environments, for example, the pupil of the eye will expand to allow information about the geometry of the environment to dominate. When you're in a brightly-lit environment, your pupil will contract to sacrifice information about geometry for more information about motion.

The center of the eye is best for perceiving geometry (e.g., looking at something directly) while the outer edge of the eye is best for perceiving movement (i.e., peripheral vision). When geometry and movement combine, the result is the sense of sight.

This basic formula is how your entire reality forms.

4.3

Two seemingly opposing forces are all that you need to build reality: Relationships and Interactions. For ease of illustration, you can think of these as Order and Chaos, respectively, or good and evil, time and space, logic and emotions, etc. Everything that we can possibly conceive of is part of a system whose foundation is this interplay of polar opposites.

This duality is a fundamental contrast. Contrast is not only how something can be defined but how something can be perceived.

If you can imagine it like a wheel, Order is the hub where spokes emanate out to form relationships with the Chaos that revolves around it. Both are needed to define and give purpose to the other, with an Absolute center that does not move and cannot be seen.

The outer parts are an extended function of the center. Chaos is an extended function of Order, space is a function of time, emotions of logic, profit of capital, and so on.


Yes, black in the middle and white at the edges (like the eye). If it doesn't make you uncomfortable, think of the center as the Absolute, or a nothing-in-particular that becomes lots of things in particular when it forgets itself.


Nice :)


A little bit of Order is worth a lot of Chaos, so it's not a 1:1 exchange. More like 1:1.6

This also means that if you give Chaos a little space in your life, it can easily become a much bigger space.

No you shouldn’t.

Are there other people on these threads that have given up their smartphone and internet? I haven’t obviously. I feel like you’re calling me out but how am I different than the majority of posters here?

I’m doing the best I can atm. And like I said earlier, I’m failing miserably. But I’ve still got my head in the game.

I get it, I’m part of the problem. Maybe it is not so for me. Right now. Which sucks but it is what it is.

The consensus of my choices. I take responsibility for the life I have created. And continue to live.

Try, try again is what I can do.

It is. But that’s ok. It’s what’s needed at this point.

In order to illustrate Deception, I'm going to take a short trip to a place I'd rather not go at this time. At least one among you needs such an early visit.

If the following makes anyone uncomfortable in the slightest, please stop reading when it does.

To use an analogy, your brain needs to deceive you in order for you to see by blocking out nearly all visual stimuli and focusing only on a very small portion of it.

A necessary deception, but not a detrimental one. You would be otherwise overwhelmed if you could perceive even a tiny fraction of what is folded up in your reality, just as you would if your brain showed you everything that your eyes could see.

If you could ask your brain, "Is this all of reality?" it would lovingly deceive you (because you don't really want an accurate answer) and say, "Yes."

If you're then able to ask such a question it means you are not ready for 'the truth'. (If you were ready you would not need to ask because it would be obvious.)

If we could be aware of all that we sensed we would, in effect, be unable to experience reality meaningfully because we would be unable to make sense of it.

This relates to maxim 4 above. Reality is not what you perceive but how you perceive. The 'how' filters out all the stimuli that you sense in order to focus on something-in-particular.

Deception isn't 'evil', however. I know it is easy to think so, but it's quite the contrary. It is Order. It is a contraction of reality, not an expansion of it. It allows us to relate more and interact less (Order) so that reality can be experienced.

Filter = contraction = focus = stronger relationships with what we perceive

'Deception' as we commonly use it (and as I use it everywhere else but in this post) is an artificial filter. It is Chaos pretending to be the source, in a way. Pretending to be the authority. Pretending to be all of reality.

This Chaos, this Satan, becomes the reality filter for a great many of us. That is why their media is such an influence upon the population. It is an inherent part of how our perspective works to illustrate the choices we have the capacity to make. Essentially:

Option 1 is reality as it emanates from the core of your being.

Option 2 is reality as it shines brightly from the edge of Chaos.

Most are attracted to that 'bright light', thinking that it is heavenly or somesuch when it is just a temptation to give your consciousness an IQ test, in a way.

Regarding trust, could you give me your best example of you not trusting yourself?

This is not about giving up anything, but understanding why we make certain choices. As I've said and implied a few times, there is nothing wrong with any choice, seemingly bad or not. It depends on your intention.

Specifically, understanding why we choose the tools of Chaos and, in doing so, worship the same even as we feel we would never do such a thing.

Myself, included. ("Even as I type these words.")


You were the only one that asked the following question [emphasis mine]:


If you want some help getting out from the well that you, perhaps unknowingly, fell into, it's going to hurt a little. But the pain isn't coming from my direction (as I only know love for you) but you awakening to your own condition that you've been ignoring since you left home.

And, of course, you want the benefit of spicy spice, whether most others dare not tread for fear of having to consider themselves.


If you say it, it will be so.

Not saying such things wouldn't be 'ignoring reality' but focusing on the part of reality that you find more attractive.

Unless, of course, 'failing miserably' is more attractive.

I could say that you learn more from what you call failure than you do success (so perhaps your subconsciousness would see it as success) but you're probably looking for an end to the drama.

If I had the power to end some of your more pressing dramas and have more stability, would you allow me?


That might be something Oprah would say, but I'm not him. I would probably say something like, "There is no problem other than our own perspective. Find out what it really is and why it is so."


If I may, I would suggest that you don't choose to say that you're 'failing miseably' and such things because you would be fortifying that condition in your reality.


Make it simpler than that. There's no reason to go through all of the dramas of certain things.

Just tell me what you want, and be specific.

Thank you. I was a little nervous to read on but that all very much makes sense and actually felt more stabilising than anything (which would not have been the case back when you started these threads!). No further questions on that, at this time.

Hmm my best example… It’s the small part of me I used to call “Dark and Twisty” that I don't trust. On the other hand, IT doesn’t seem to trust me either so it tries to control things and screws me over. Of course I’m actually both of these parts and I don't call it “Dark and Twisty” anymore. Its just trying to protect me. We’re more integrated now which feels like it makes things easier to trust. I still find things on a daily basis that I’ve tried to blame on “it” though. Seems like a never ending game of accepting myself for not being as “nice” as I’d thought and hoping its enough to try to do better.

When I was nearly dead, or dead, and saw a 'light at the end of the tunnel' like a bad cliché that I thought was just that, and a loving-yet-firm voice that told me "You're not finished... You have to go back!" it took me a long time to realise that the light was the Chaos of Earth and the voice was me talking to myself.

Over the following years attempting to climb out of the hole that I found myself in, I had thought 'Why the f5%@ was I sent back here?' more times than I could count. Thinking that my life had some purpose was all that kept me from depression.

After some encounters with wisdom I was presented with the very uncomfortable reality that my life had no such purpose, and that it was entirely up to me.

Thereafter, I began to claim my reality for myself. If I wanted something, I would just tell people how things were going to be, lovingly but firmly, just as I had told myself before. Their reality was my reality. I chose not for myself but for all. I had discovered my authority.

We can consider ourselves spectators to our lives or realise that what we experience is entirely up to us and no one else. But in order to claim your reality, you have to tell yourself how things are going to be. If you don't believe it then just continue to repeat it, and show yourself that it is so. Reflect the reality that you want to experience in every way that you can.

Last Edited by The Builder on 09/30/2022 01:22 PM

I think I see my mistake. The “other” side of me is probably actually where I should be acting from. I saw her as arrogant, controlling, all the things my reality showed me as “bad” or “harmful”.

Actually, she is very clear on what she wants and does the stuff needed to get things done. Integration is a step along the road, but actually I need to become her entirely. As you say, it can be done lovingly and kindly still. I can see the more I’ve been acting from that place, the more it’s benefitted everyone involved…

Well of course it makes me uncomfortable but I do love to sidle up as close as I can to the nothingness sometimes with discussions like these ;)

But on this topic of the nothing at the center of everything combined with that visual, I have to think of Taoism and the Yin Yang symbol. If my life is arranged in this way, is my metaphysical self the inverse half?

Which reminds me how all of the talk of relationships has always made me think of Feng Shui and I wonder your thoughts on that. It has always struck me as one of those things that ‘works’ though the actual machinations of WHY it works are muddled. It seems as if you don’t dwell too much on the why, it can be quite useful in practice?

I have also been, perhaps superstitiously, cautious about objects brought into one’s home. Especially ones with previous owners. There are many things that I have NOT bought over the years because I worry whether the object was sold due to financial duress and that would rub off in some way. The extreme of this being the stories you always hear about cursed jewels etc. The antiques that I do own were either gifted/inherited or purchased from someone that had so many things, they didn’t miss it - the contents of their 19th home being cleared out etc

It doesn’t stop me from browsing though. This whole auction is interesting but I am a bit obsessed with this: [link to www.sothebys.com (secure)]

I am struggling to imagine the context in which I would own it though.



Makes sense, with Chaos seeking to expand. Now I worry that I should partition the messy drawer more carefully!

This feels like a bad time to mention that I did end up buying ‘the Queen’s socks’ but they arrived and I kind of love them. So there’s that.

In a “I don’t know anything” mood.

Im frustrated because I need that outside validation. And yet if I get it, it means I’m not relying on my own authority and puts me at risk of taking on “others” perspectives over my own. Or if I accept that I can ultimately overrule others it might have unintended consequences (like them leaving in some sense entirely) and I many of my current ones overall! I don't want to end up lonely and alone. Both physically and metaphorically.

Ofc if I’m already doing it then I HAVE to take ownership at some point. And my tentative attempts DO seem to work ordinary miracles. Not great manifestations of money or … (even that’s a lie. It just came through significant loss so I’ve actively resisted it causing myself all kinds of unneeded headaches - one thing I really need to take action with).

I’m frustrated with myself.

Its nice to hear you share that you, too, struggled.

I suppose I could be more kind to myself.

I am, after all, attempting to figure out Life, The Universe, and Everything.

It would probably be a little weird if I just magically fixed everything (right?!?!)

It wouldn't be weird. It would be just what you do, because you're like that and that's how you make it.

The main conflict is one and it is about Ego. Do I lie to myself as intensely as possible because I can't handle the truth? For example, do I call myself a winner and say I'm the smartest who is?

This is the ego which is such a useful tool. Only from the side it doesn't work the same.

There are three effects of egoic self-delusion (where your brain HAS to lie to you because it really will kill you to confront the truth. It is so "shocking" it might induce shock and your heart would stop).

But knowing that it's all an illusion anyway and a lie anyway, you can brainwash yourself with any lie you like. Like some of the people who post on these threads.

The three effects!

1. You feel better from lying to yourself. Your physical wellbeing noticeably improves

2. Those who are ignorant, naive, lazy, or gullible will believe your ego and you can surround yourself with them to reinforce your fictional identity, using them as mindslaves to protect you from disintegration

3. Those who see your ego for what it is and do not believe your lies and, may be the loving side of you, feel pain for you due to your self embarrassment but would likely not follow in your footsteps to any place you might pretend to be a leader

And finally the conflict.

Having seen such egos, which can only be described as something pathetic in most cases and having felt the heart wrenching pity for them and, confronting your self, have understood your own such willingness to self-deceive - what do you do?

Yah, it is like this. "If only I admit the truth I feel at this moment I can avoid confronting the full truth of it and escape the hurt I feel sooner".

Yah, but even so, failing to confront and process the events of who you are..."what"...you are, leaves the work incomplete. So it is also ego just the same on the lie - built - of "at least I'm honest" and "at least I admit I'm shi77y" when, if you think about it for a little time....

...you can feel this "truth" - those who love you are not able to benefit from your self harming and only those who love you might hurt from it.

All the others? (The chorus sings What Others) they wouldn't care, nor would they benefit except to laugh at your expense. Call it cosmic entertainment.

So what does a budding leader, author, decent adult human being do?

1ie to self, to keep alive the ego, despite seeing its embarrassing vanity and nakedness that is so obvious from beyond it? (Only captivating the respect and admiration of those who you perceive as below you, those who you probably do not respect in kind, and perhaps despise them deeper still, for believe your stupid empty lies.)

Or confronting the truth - ALONE - and forever alone?

This message is for everyone in the thread. For me "someone" repeatedly set the example of how this ego works. I see how well that person fools their self and I even believed it. So this being so damn obvious to me just looking at a few old threads, the utter stupidity of this sort of thinking is a classic. There is nothing new under the sun.

There is nothing new in these ideas. They are easily misunderstood, I think.

Yet I am familiar with the fear of confronting my own lies. It is why I "pre emptively" have thrown out painful truths of my own guilty feelings because I didn't want to be like that same moron and the pain they caused and stupidity they spread.

So what did I do? I created my own ego, the self degrading ego, because instead of doing what THAT person should have done, and go quietly, privately, confront my own lies, which is ...

...painful and difficult to the point of being so shocking I might go into shock and my heart would stop?

Do you get it???

I started doing the same damn thing and so it can be inferred I spread harm and stupidity just the same.

It's not about "I will do what they couldn't so, so I can feel like I am NOT like them" but, the theme as stated so freely and again: I see myself in you

Arrogant, stupid, ignorant, lazy, suicidal, shameful, dishonest, unclean, unhygienic and immature swine.

Previously you asked Lady of Stars for the hardest decision and she replied with leaving her husband.

If 'sin' in the Bible is interpreted as 'missing the mark' would leaving the husband be a form of sin? Adultery?
The 'mark' in this case is getting into your Flow and experiencing reality on terms agreeable.

I would be curious of your takes on sin, in lieu of your golden rule. Monogamy.
I know you commented on the Bible before, and I know that the Bible is filled with Cult influence, but looking through this thread and ctrl+f'ing for Bible did not yield what I was searching for.
I vaguely recall you saying to replace some words with "conscious" and "subconscious" or some other such thing, but cannot remember what to replace 'sin' with.

From my perspective, if I were with someone and felt "stuck" and barreling toward oblivion, then I would not want to stay in that.
Maybe I don't believe in marriage either, at the moment.
And from my perspective, if my partner felt stuck with me, I would not want them to stick with me either.
The only thing that seems horrible is to pretend you are together while your heart is otherwise, thus the phrase "to commit adultery in your heart."
One could also say that the act of cheating sets off the departure; a proper casket to bury the dead relationship, and so it does not matter whether one gives notice or not.
The terms and conditions of a marriage or a relationship rarely go over what is expected in such departures though...
I'm not sure.
Would love your thoughts on relationships in general.

This also brings up questions on how to properly balance the destructive parts of yourself, and what sort of Chaos (expansions) are you entertaining in your current schematics?

It's funny Builder, lately I am seeing myself as you and you as me and everyone around me.
It is the strangest thing!

As always, appreciate your threads and thoughts.
Hope you've been well and that whatever spice I throw at you does not come across as bitter or sour.

I choose my smartphone for a multitude of reasons but mainly for these threads, the camera, my Notes section, and being able to video chat with my kids. They’re both so far away. It’s nice to be able to see them.

I choose chaos sticks because for whatever reason I can’t seem to stay quit for longer periods of time. It’s frustrating.

I choose Netflix because sometimes I want to be entertained on a screen at the end of the day.

I shop online sometimes for convenience. But I do most of my shopping locally. Except clothes.

There’s not a lot of other chaotic choices in my life on the daily. By design. Sometimes I actually find myself a little bored these days. Like there’s not a lot left for me here anymore.



You were the only one that asked the following question [emphasis mine]:



I could use some help for sure - even if I get a little hurt making my way out.

I left home 28 years ago - that’s a long time to ignore something. I’m not even sure I know what that something is. Enlighten me, please. Because I’m ready to face the music of my own design.



I’m a big girl. I definitely want you to speak your mind with me. I’m not getting any younger and don’t want to waste my time anymore.



If you say it, it will be so.

Not saying such things wouldn't be 'ignoring reality' but focusing on the part of reality that you find more attractive.

Unless, of course, 'failing miserably' is more attractive.

I could say that you learn more from what you call failure than you do success (so perhaps your subconsciousness would see it as success) but you're probably looking for an end to the drama.

If I had the power to end some of your more pressing dramas and have more stability, would you allow me?


Without hesitation, yes. I would be very appreciative.



Ok. I don’t normally, I’m just not feeling in a strong place atm. Like it’s all shifting beneath my feet. My whole world is in the midst of change. From every direction. It can be a bit disorientating.


I am going to have to get back to you on this one. I need to think very mindfully about it. There is one thing in particular that has been weighing heavy on me - and I don’t know that I’m thinking clearly about it.

Last Edited by Lady of Stars on 09/30/2022 09:45 PM

You're very welcome :)


This one will resolve itself as you become more comfortable with your own nature.

And perhaps you will discover that it was you all along.

I mean, I already know it. Knew it on some level.

And now I’m about to validate that for “another” to really solidify it.

I knew it 10 years ago.

Yes, correct.

Two expressions of the same thing to make a whole Self.


It's a sense for relationships. A brief study of Feng Shui might prove fruitful, but one need not understand why. The utility is of more import into one's experiences.

Some relationships are more conducive to certain things than others. Everything in your perspective has meaning because your perspective is your interpretation of reality, so you give each thing meaning by default.

If your have a mirror facing your bed, for example, you are choosing to interpret your bedroom in a way that probably isn't healthy for you. You would then choose to put it in a better position.

The mirror wouldn't just be a mirror but a metaphysical interpretation of your Self. You would be choosing to interpret your reality in a more healthy way (one that allows you experience more flow).

Few care about the 'why' as it would not be immediately useful to them.


Each 'thing' that we perceive has other things folded into it that can be unfolded into your life, so your practice is a good one, I think.


There are many of these around, but that is a nice one. (Depicting an African, no doubt. Probably a slave! lol) I haven't yet found a similar one depicting someone with fair skin but that would be rare in its own right.

These objects were more difficult to alter than paintings, so they were generally left alone if not dismantled and melted down.


Yes. You control the Chaos :)

The $ symbol doesn't mean money and it is not directly related to economics in any sense except its function as a universal principle symbolizing direct and indirect paths, lines and waves, or if you would have to force it to mean something, a snake on a staff. Perhaps the bronze snake of Moses of whom a witness could be healed. But it is abstract and not symbolic.

So such a thing is detrimental to economic prosperity. All things considered - all things are not considered - that does not come as a loss. To decide my own meanings for my own symbols may cost me economic prosperity. I will be the homeless man living in the woods of Lorlic.



There isn't anything better. It is my choice. It all is damned. I am staying in the woods of Lorlic as a broke and unsociable dirty loser of society and the world and all the realms that might exist to see it.



My choice of chaos is permanent unknowns and walking along the razors edge of life and death. I seem to recall the first time encountering this idea that death is something that happens to others from you. Maybe it was back in the chat before it vanished.

I suppose it's always been up to me to find out for myself. Call me Artemis.



An idea is a process. Process is an event. People or Persons, no matter which you mean, are events as processes. There is no difference to see from these available foci.



No need for that. The cookies crumbles to its blah blah blah as stale organic pebbles for the birds to poison life to naught.

I officially join the ranks of all the lost souls who take no action in reality but only stare at these screens and threads helplessly and hopelessly incompetent and unable to formulate a sense of reality for themselves. My whole life now depends on the Builder and what the Builder says. I have nothing to lose anymore, it's already all lost - more than I even thought I could lose. I have nothing to gain either since I have no values or morals or credibility of reality or authority in life, existence or anything anywhere. I am the perfect slave of anything. The cult of satan or any wingers can and do so use me as they please. My honor is gone and my guilt is heavier than the cosmos. This is the lie I choose for myself from all the lies possible to state. I will not lie about success, intelligence, money, groups, adventures, abilities, technologies, skills, projects, goodness, or even worth of any kind. I am committed to my lie as written here. This is my choice.

This message is not about you. Any resemblance to persons real or fictional is entirely coincidental.

You know you smelled them.

Curious. What would the benefit be of imposing that condition upon yourself?


It didn't appear that way at the time. I don't remember anything being too difficult. There was only one path for me; be successful or die. I suppose that if I had other options from which to choose there may have been more uncertainty.