THE ARREST OF JACK DORSEY (A Short Play by Thirsty Marlin)

THE ARREST OF JACK DORSEY (A Short Play by Thirsty Marlin)

Setting: Jack {CEO of Twitter} is in his multi-million dollar home in San Fransisco. He has just called in three of his lawyers to discuss his current problem. It is late in the day, sometime in January 2021. He is sitting on his sofa, his lawyers are standing. Jack has a long "Wizard" type beard, a nose ring, his pupils are very dilated, he seems unusually calm and relaxed.

Characters:

Jack
Lawyer 1 (L1)
Lawyer 2 (L2)
Lawyer (L3)
Extras
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(Act 1)

Jack: "What the fuck is this shit?"

L1: "Jack, it's a Federal Indictment, and that means you are being charged with a felony crime. But this one is a bit odd, because it seems to indicate you may may tried in a Military Tribunal. Therefore, we need $20,000,000 right now to prepare your defense."

Jack: "I thought you guys were the best? I pay you very well. We have a huge staff of lawyers. Why the FUCK do you need TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS! I pay you a salary, I pay you very well. Now fix it, and get out of here. (Jack says this in a calm, relaxed, yet firm way.)

L2: "Well Sir, um...with all due respect, we don't have anyone on our legal team with Military Law experience. And, given the gravity of the situation, we believe we will need to act very agressivly and quickly, and Military Law, although similar to Civilian Law in many ways....it's different."

Jack: "Twenty Million dollars? Is that all? Maybe I should just fire all of you right now. I'll give you Two Million, give One Million to Nancy Pelosi, send it to her Grand Cayman account, you guys keep the other coin. And everything will be fine. You guys worry too much."

L3: "Jack, I've worked for you for 10 years, and you trust me. So, listen to me. The U.S. Marshals are outside your home right now, and that loud, very annoying buzzing sound you hear, that is an Army Blackhawk helicopter buzzing around your home, and they have the whole neighborhood scared shitless. When we came in, they put a spotlight on us, and they can probably listen into this conversation...so let's be careful what we say. Okay?"

Jack: "Go to my computer, you know my password, and send Nancy her money, and double it. She will take care of everything."

L1: :"We think it's different this time. It seems we lost all internet and cellular from here, so maybe they are jamming our communications. We really think you need a Military Lawyer. If they assign you a lawyer, they will probably be right out of Law School, with very little experience. We need to hire a retired, experienced JAG Lawyer, who knows how that system works."

Jack: "How different can it be?"

L2: "Well, Sir...um, it can differ greatly. For one thing, it will move much, much faster. They won't put up with our legal bullshit stunts. We could draw this out for months or even years in Civilian Court. But, they will move your case through in a few days, maybe a few weeks if we are lucky. Once in court, we will not be able to stall, and do our many legal tricks...in Military Court Martial or Tribunal they might get it done in THREE DAYS!"

Jack: "So, that's why you want more money? Hey, I need to take some more LSD to think about this, it helps me think, opens my mind, helps me see more clearly. I have not had a hit since this morning, and it was just a micro-dose, because I had that big finance meeting this morning, so I need to jump to light speed. I got some high speed stuff right here, it works in seconds. Anyone else want some?"

L1, L2,L3, (All shake their head no. Jack seems fine with that, he is still very calm and relaxed. Jack takes a little bottle and puts a drop under his tongue. He is quickly much more alert, and aggressive.)

Jack: "So, what's my charge? Let me guess. It's Orange Man. And he want's to hit me with Sedition and Treason. And that fucking Senator from Texas, Cruz. First of all, block all their Tweets, shut off all their communications, run a full press propaganda, and go black Ops on their asses. Hire a Military Lawyer, file everything necessary to kill this shit. Get a conference call set right now with Zuckerberg and the gang. Get Hillary on the Red Line. And I suggest you all take some of this LSD. Also, stop that helicopter from hovering over my house! Do you have any idea how much that Italian roofing costs? Each shingle on the roof is from the late 1400's imported from Venice, Renisnasne period, and cannot ever be replaced.

L1: " Jack...the charge for Sedition and Treason is twenty years in Federal Prison, or possibly the death penalty. And they want to hang you, on Live TV."

L2: "Well...um, yes and no. They could hang you. But they also have other options."

Jack: "Like What?"

L2: " Well...um, they recently authorized firing squad. And that was unusual. But they also have the electric chair, but that is so violent and horrible, I don't think we need to be concerned about that, because they cannot televise that. And there is also the gas chamber, also not good for television, because people can't see anything because the gas is thick and cloudy, and it would not make for popcorn viewing. As for I.V. death, that is so boring, nobody wants to see that, it's like watching someone go to sleep. No, our concern is if you are going to get it by firing squad or hanging. That's really the only question Jack. Both are fast a and painless if done right, and I'm sure they will do it right, this is not the Wild West."

L3: "They'll do it right. It's just a matter of how do you think it would look best for you? Our P.R. people are 50/50 on which will look better on TV. We'll have poll results in a few hours. But I think firing squad, with a cigartte in your mouth, blind fold. Twelve Soldiers shoot at once, one with a blank...it's almost romantic, don't you think? But I'm just a lawyer, our P.R. will decide know soon. Besides, Hillary... we already know is getting hung, with a black hood over her head, trap door...and that's going to get such huge ratings, you can't compete with that."

Jack: "What the fuck are you talking about? Am I on acid or something? I thought you were my lawyers here for my legal defense? Fuck...you guys, why the fuck do you look like Grey Aliens suddenly? How much acid did I just take? Shit...the walls are moving...are they....let's put on some Pink Floyd....I'm not feeling so good. And...I need a glass of .............

BOOM...BOOM...BOOOM!!!
FLASH BANG GRENADES!

{The Army got tired of waiting.
Jack is going to Guantanamo Bay...Cuba}



- Permission is granted to freely share with authorship as Thirsty Marlin; otherwise, all rights reserved -


Last Edited by ThirstyMarlin! on 01/06/2021 11:58 AM