I just want god to give me a heart attack and then i die

That's a painful way to go. A stroke would probably be better.

No i actually had a heart attack and was just about dead. Vision split into two spheres the reduced in diameter to less than the sizE of a dime as my hands fell away from the wheel and foot fell from the gas pedal .


It hurt bad at first but then i began to feel warm and the pain began to numb. Im pretty sure my body was releasing some compound to make the death less traumatic.


And then the blockage broke free at the last second. I was pissed . I was almost dead.

Dear lord. I am absolutely worthless and have no purpose here. Please , help free up resources on earth and take my retarded life.

and what do you expect in the afterlife?

joy? the same live?

a worse life?

a God's life?

the earth it's for you to learn..

otherwise is the same or worse experience..

A happy dead man?

Earth is retarded. My birth was a mistake. Im a mistake . I just cant wait to die. I felt relieved when i had that heartattack a few yrs ago. I remember thinking holy shit ! This is it....finally


I dont know where ill go. But it wont be here so thats just fine with me.

You better believe it.


Happy. Dead. Man.

Take the amino acid agmatine, 1g 2x a day for depression, it will stop that receptor from releasing the chemical that makes you depressed.

NAC 1g as needed for anxiety.

Glycine at 3g before bed for deep REM sleep (that often fixes much of the anxiety/depression, humans haven't been getting enough glycine from eating meat without the tendons, creating an imbalance, I take collagen peptides when I eat a steak now for example, as that's glycine).

Im not depressed silly. I just fucking hate being alive. .


I genuinely feel like i was a mistake. Like I shoulda been shot all over my mothers tits and dripped to the floor with 5 million of my brothers and sisters and I would have been spared theis droll mundane existence.

Pretty much everybody is useless in this fake society. God does not look at you like TPTB do though.

If you want to check out that bad you probably should get ready to face eternity. People have a way of bringing to pass their demise when they don't want to be here anymore.




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So if he loves me so much he should grant me this one request. I never ask for help or money or fame or success. Just acute myocardial infarction.


I really felt like god was fucking with me in 2017 when i had that heart attack. When the blockage broke free and i regained motor function and my vision went from the 2 tiny spheres surrounded by utter black . I was angry.

I said " wtf was that? Are you fuckin with me god? Just having a laugh? Youre a real comedian arent you ?! "


It was a strange feeling. Like i was already dead just waiting for the process to complete. And my body felt warm from whatever released chemical and i felt a pure relief ... And then i got robbed and came back.

I wake up every day and think... " Oh god , not again "

God helps those who help themselves

so help yourself to a hundred double cheese bacon burgers

So, you didn't grow from experience and went the knee-jerk reaction way...? Okay.

You dont even understand how many hotdogs i eat. I should have enough nitrates in my arteries to clog a fire hydrant under pressure.


And yet here I am.

Drop to your knees right now and pray with me:

"Lord, I have rejected the gift of life that you have given me. I feel helpless in this world and question my own existence. Please come into my heart and let me feel the love that you give so freely. Shine a light upon my life and allow me to finally see things through your eyes. Let my happiness not be determined by my circumstances, but through knowing that you gave you son's life to die for me on the cross. I know that I am not worthy of your love, but yet you love me anyway. From this day forward I want to LIVE FOR YOU, and not for my own selfish desires. Amen!"

I just prayed for you. I hope you do the same.

We must thank GOD for every new day.

It’s not easy for everyone, that’s for sure!

Oh yea. Having that heart attack made me want to die even more. Now knowing my body releases chemicals to make the pain dull and my body warm .... , Knowing its not near as painful as it looks because of chemicals released. Now i ask god every night for the showstopper infarction.


It was an odd feeling , feeling my internal organs shutting down . Ill say that.

People get desperate for death not because of God, rather b/c of the societal circumstances. May be he is waiting when you stop blaming Him.

Man , that hurt. Getting on my knee sucks as i was in a motorcycle accident in 2019 and suffered a tibial plateau fracture.


But i said the prayer. I modified it abit though.

" Lord I have rejected this gift of life wholey and without question. I pray to you now for an acute mycardial infarction. I never ask for help or money or to be fixed so I beg of you to have mercy on my soul and grant me this one request. Amen. "

Not bad?

I seethe problem

you are full of preservatves

you're fookin immortal now

Youre gorgeous by the way. That being said? No ill thank god when he finally comes for me and takes me away from this earth.

Life is no gift. It is a burden i want nothing to do with.

I dont blame God. At all. I just want out. Nothing more or less.

Earth is shit . I just want the darkness.

Nitrates are not preservatives are they?


My friend told me about an uncle that ate nothing but hotdogs and died at 45. I immediately got on that diet.

During those days people will seek death but will not find it; they will long to die, but death will elude them...

Revelation 9:6

Cmoooon man? Death cannot elude me forever. Im on its tail !


I sometimes wonder if God gave me that heartattack in 2017 to show me I didnt really want to die. But then i did and he must have been like... " Tf ? This guy is retarded. Look at him yell at me for not finishing him off. "
..


But then he must no i have no purpose. So why torture me?


Death isnt that big of a request. Especially when it had already been initiated.

How do you know what is waiting beyond? may be even worse than this ...

nitrites

and there is no other reason to put them in hotdogs

other than to make you get butt cancer

Perhaps. But atleast itll be different scenery gor better or worse. Im over this shit.


Pray for my death please.