The Voice of the Wordless Aeon

i know what you believe. you know my familiarity with your history. you can elucidate all you wish to about chaos in order to convince others that it's not a bad thing and as is prevalent in our times others will believe you! lol

essentially then, what you are telling me, is there is no point trying to change your mind. That is always as far as I get with you, which is why I've given up and just accepted you'll see me as an evil demoness or something.

i have mentioned to you many times about the state of denial of cloak yourself with, it isn't helpful! lol

i don't believe i have ever called you evil! lol

that is something you have inferred in order to dismiss what i have been telling you about yourself! lol

I won't tell you something that I in no way shape or form agree with.
I have flaws, many, but I am truthful to my ethical code.
Back then, did you assume I was writing about mind control to use it?
I was only ever writing because I wanted to get it out of the dark where it would be used ad infinum. I wanted to know the truth, but even though I was a piece of work at that time I didn't do anything to hurt people.

So no, I simply don't see what you see.
I once said on my thread that I was the antichrist, but I think everyone on glp says that at least once during their tenure.

then you ought to be explicit, what are you trying to say? I'm listening

that hairdo tho
so hot and witchy!


who is this chick in the vid?? how old is she? 25? or maybe 23?
is she single???
inquiring minds want to know!

oh well
whoever that sexy witchy woman is I bet she tastes soo sweet just like halloween candy!!

lol

lolac, I have a sincere question for you. You say I exist in a status of self-delusion which I refuse to acknowledge and upon reflection, it's possible that in some respect you are right. But I can't see at all what it is I am denying. It simply seems there is an invisible wall between myself and something that I can only even detect because I keep stumbling without a clear conception of why.

So what is my self delusion ? Tell me.

The incident that happened in culver city about 5 years ago that made me some odd infant of my identity, during it, I was sitting at a pizza shop with a co worker and she started saying things that were very bizarre, although I had no inclination to react to that because I was still in such a state of confusion and contrived sociality from before the conversation even started.

At some point my ?friend? said, "we know you are lying to us, but what we want to know is how it is possible that you don't know what you are lying about?"

it's stupidly weird, but I was in haze, and I just accepted the idea without thought, and I said, "I don't know either"

Is it possible that none of the conversation happened? It is possible, but this was so lucid and so distinct that I feel I'd been doing a disservice to throw away the memory. I know I probably won't ever be able to figure any of it out, like who i was at that moment when I myself did not know. What was compelling me to answer with no inner voice, with no relationship to context at all?

There is a question that sometimes occurs among psychologists, a question about self-deception: if you are deceiving yourself, in some respect you must already have access to the knowledge you are hiding.

When I started going to therapy, I couldn't disclose myself entirely, as mysticism is known only by terms such as schizophrenia or manic psychosis. but I could disclose myself with certain distillations. I wanted to find my deep rooted inner complex, thinking if I straightened out that deep dark whatever, I would not longer have invisible personality constructs bump me in the face somehow with more authority than my operant self.

I figured I would figure this out. I thought I did many times. I was forced to dig deeper over and over. I was told I was still hiding, but I revealed every trauma and resentment and flaw I could think of to try and unearth this big faultline of self that sometimes quaked into an intensity others sensed often, when they were around me in an altered state although I didn't ever say anything aloud, like a psychedelic pressure that was so forceful it couldn't even be overridden by watching a TV show and no pretense of interaction

. I tried to not let my uncomfortable intensities out of my own field of electric convergence, but sometimes they'd get pulled with me into an alien state of consciousness less easily ignored. It is worth saying that I didn't really know what any of this psychic pressure was at all, only that I could express it to others by drawing outside in, drawing what the psychic pressure looked like. These drawings fascinated some people I knew because they came from some sort of odd morse code my hand that was interesting to watch, but I think even the act of drawing them was innately creepy for many people that I knew as if there was something hard to look at about the end product.

In a sense it was me ultimately that withdrew from my friends because I wasn't sure what accounted for occasional eruptions of silent psychic chaos that seemed to be profoundly uncomfortable and confusing for those in my immediate vicinity even when I took pains to disguise them in any obvious sense. this was sort of when I realized vibes are quite real explanatory notions for what I was doing to people. I am intense, my focus becomes a dark hole and alters at least my own state of consciousness to a world that is a bit too real and in some small way, uncanny enough to intuitively reject, even for me.

I kind of had this impression, this was around 5 or 6 years ago, around 22 or 23, that I was the only one who could really handle my own energy for an indeterminate period of time (which I'm not sure is a true statement), and tended towards disconnected hermetic seeking thereafter.

I don't think there was any central complex to unearth, although there were traumas and destructiveness that I was poetically inclined towards romancing. I don't think any of them was a central complex that could be worked through. I think I have a strange attractor that I idealized beyond my own boundaries, and it became what it was intended to be, and I used it for metaphysical inquires that became dedicated to discovering, and I encountered experiences that I am uniquely priveledged among many perhaps for having.

the strange attractor I have created whispered itself to me before its inception. the shadow of creating it was greater than what, at that moment, I could not see. It gave me something I deeply wished for more than anything, but it also stole something I thought I didn't need, something that, even when it is standing right beside me, no longer quite translates.

The price for what I yearned for was a sort of silence, I suppose, because it was a gap larger even than language and intellect's, which could be percieved, and alluded to, but could not less be communicated than color to a monochromat. I saw a side of it that enlightened an inner creator, but buried some humanness alongside a half halo.

How can you connect with absolute sincerity to another when the deepest layer of your selfhood is destined to be hooded by the threshold guardians of necessity, hidden by a mechanism that reflected humanities refusal to yet encounter it? I had abandoned many notions of even my own happiness just a few years ago, striving only for greatness and the answers which I sought. But truth, while noble, while inspiring, is a hermetically sealed box that seals a part of you inside.

I would have to say that although people often say I'm intelligent, my intellect is subpar, but I compensate. most of what I learn I learn because I have made myself a strange attractor that is inclined towards convergence. I have directed my guardian to create a guide? that is perhaps even more cryptic.

I'm not wise either, I am very foolish at every moment, more a mad poet than any kind of sage. I'm not going to join in on nirvana because I am not interested in that experience. I couldn't find a word for the thing I wanted to see so I made a Frankenstein word instead, and everything we do has consequences.

your soul bound to me ;)

I guess there is something about human nature that creates an aversion to challenging natural laws, perhaps to protect the machinery of the brain from encountering something it was not structurally orientated towards processing. Maybe its an instinct, or maybe people are duped by synchronistic tendencies to disavow paradox.

Me, I guess, I was the opposite to some extent, looking for the world boundary existentially and finding that I could progressively push that world boundary back bit by bit.

And eventually a curtain cracked open the cauldron of my eye to some degree, but I turned around and realized the world had not changed. The world only changes if we know what we are looking at, in some broad sense, but people don't actually want to to see reality naked at all. Actually, this was a stunning revelation for me. People DO NOT WANT to see it. I was honestly shocked when it became obvious that when a hole formed revealing naked reality, people went the other direction before even looking at that vicinity, for what were probably good conscious reasons, to them.

I think people are waiting for something but it's not necessarily even harmonic with the person sitting next to him and they wait in vein while controversies pan out over thousands of tweets twattering.

I still don't understand what people are waiting for when people have been waiting before they even knew what they were waiting for. I have a suspicion, that, like phantom limb syndrome, humanity is feeling an attachment for a capability it grasps at once possessing but no longer has, and which has whithered in collective memory to a shruken branch and a lone petal, what remained of a birthright that still lives somewhere under the ground.

Although when I was young, I didn't accept it when people told me I was human, and I resented ending up as a human being, and I told myself I would never change my mind, but I have changed my mind irrespective of whether I was once an alien or not. Humans have to give themselves access to this gift, I suppose. It has to be unanimous. The great work boils down to "unanimous". Hopefully by then we haven't joined the internet of things and been absorbed by a corporate borg.

good work, soldier. now you are free to go save the world from itself. godspeed.

W-at ?! Where did this come f-from? Hau did it get e-e-everywhare?


TEMPERENCE - XIII -

[imgur] [link to imgur.com (secure)]

[imgur] [link to imgur.com (secure)]

THE CENTER OF THE STORM

First one is from Manzel Tarot II. Based on African spirits. Couple of years old.

Second is from The Witches Tarot from 1976.

Shouldn't be a surprise for blue wings to appear on the alchemy card representing transformation.

I know because I just flipped past them in Taschen's Tarot collection.

well, when many symbols appear to me with a certain degree of internal significance, my interest is more based on their appearance at that point in time than their invention specifically. Two in the face under a major arcana is more then enough to make me listen. I coded symbols and totems into my symbolic and imaginal universe for that specific reason, in fact.

I like to point it out when my intuition tells me very loudly there is a reason to pay attention. When it is engraved somewhere else, it becomes part of the mosaic I am making

But, thanks I guess.

I know it's significant to you. Thank you for sharing. The first one is amazing. I want that deck due to its significance in my journey. It's expensive!

Nice thread by the way. Wordless aeon resonates well. We seem to be heading more towards imagery driving instead of words. There was something before the word.

The wings of water and earth

With a cup overfloweth to another

Generational

your framing of many issues in a paradoxical manner, reflects your nature. i recall your one of your first images posted on glp of a deeply knotted root. the mystery of you is not to resolved by anyone on the outside. your perspective of any issue is entwined in complexity that makes it's unraveling near impossible, even for yourself! lol

if i was you ... nevermind! lol

well, sure, but that I think also what lets me have a different perspective. it's not efficient but I guess because of that it's a different angle then most think about and thats the way its always been

your nature is deeply contrarian, to the point that your intelligences rejected others perspective of you. you see only your perspective as worthwhile and deserving of consideration! your intelligence isnot subpar it is quite extraordinary, what is subpar is your reasoning. your intelligence cannot be equated with others that have gifts of extra perception, into matters that interest you most that you have devoted your existence to. theses matters that don't rely on an intelligence factor! lol

spirituality cannot be learned from any degree of book learning regardless of it's complexity. this is the knotted root that i spoke of in my last post! lol

one of my favorite songs1 lol

the voice1 lol

lol

lol

I guess in a way you are right that I don't believe the way that others say they see me in certain respects. Have you ever heard of the fundamental attribution error? It is part of an idea that an actor and an observer are involved with a given event from two distinctive perspectives. Of course, the fundamental attribution error pretty much only occurs when the actor has been deemed to have done something condemnable.

For the observers, the actions and attitudes of the actor will be the most salient cause of the event. They are inclined to attribute the situation to him, because they were focused on what he was doing from an outside view


For the actor, who is causing an event and experiences his own motivations, he will see what he does in the light of additional internal information, such as context and motivation. He will attribute his actions more readily as a response to the environment than as a statement of his individual tendencies

Of course both views are occluded...

This may seem unrelated, but do you think I have the same impression I have on you on others in real life? You see me as a literal agent of my personality, but without the information that people tend to go towards first: age, height, gender, race, attractivenes, friendliness...ect

So are you seeing a more clear visualization of my identity or one that lacks context? I don't necessarily have an answer in mind.

In that video, it looks like something with your forehead?? Is that an X

I see what you're talking about now that you mention it, but I had never seen it before. It wasnt a mark or a scar, so it must have been an artifact of the rendering or filter. Maybe