Any good, clean jokes?

I felt a tad racist for laughing

What do feminists use for contraceptive ?
Their personality .

BAHAHAHA

What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
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.
.
.
.
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Supplies!

Easter is coming:

What's invisible and smalls like carrots?

Bunny farts

For Halloween:

Why did the ghost keep going back to the bar?

He needed more boooooos

What did the horny frog say?

Grabbbit!

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint

Irish man can't walk into any bar now they've been closed 9 out of the last 12 months....sigh...

Chinese guy goes to an eye doctor. Doctor says, "Sir, you have a cataract. He responded, "No, I drive a Rincoln."

:joke:

He he he

MOAR!

Heard that one before ;)

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says "Why the long face?"

What’s brown and rhymes with snoop?








Dr Dre.

how many cops does it take to push a suspect down the stairs


none

he "fell"

I watch three county workers plant trees down the side of the road for three days.
one guy would dig the hole, they'd take a brake, another guy would put the tree in the hole, they'd
take a brake, another guy would fill in the hole, they'd take a brake, then move to the next spot.

The third day there was only two guys, they'd dig the hole, take their brake, then the other guy would just fill the hole in.
So I went out there and asked, where's the trees you put in the holes.
One of the guys look at me and said, O that's tom's job and he's off sick today.

One of my favorites:

An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?"

"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.

"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."

"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.

"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"

"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

What happens when you ask for clean jokes and nobody cares. You will get skull phuq you maggot.

I love these jokes for 10 year olds.

Semi clean:

After a long trek at sea, a young sailor gets off his ship in a foreign port and the first thing he does is go to the whorehouse. He has a pocket full of cash and is looking for action.

He walks in, finds the madame who calls out the candy and he selects one and takes her to a room. All of the rooms had mirrors on the ceilings which he liked.

Years later, he ended up in the same port, just as excited as he was before but this time, he lost most of his money playing cards to his buddies the night before.

He goes to the same whorehouse, finds the madame and explains his situation. She tells him that while he cannot have a woman for the night, he can pay the reduced amount and go upstairs and watch. So he goes up a set of stairs, and sees 4 other men surrounding a railing, watching a guy have fun with a lady below them, looking through a 2 way mirrored ceiling.

NO. UH.

Bunch of pervs they were

retired pirate with a wooden leg, a captn hook hand, and a patch on his eye is doing an interview about what life as a pirate is like:

interviewer: how'd ya end up with the wooden leg

pirate: we was raiding a ship and I got pushed into the water
- a shark got me leg, but I survived

interviewer: how'd ya lose your arm

pirate: we was raiding a ship, and the dang wooden leg slipped, they pushed me into the water
- a shark got me arm, but I survived

interviewer: and how'd ya lose the eye

pirate: we was sailing along, looking for a ship to raid, I looked up and a bird shit in my eye

interviewer: how the heck did you lose an eye from bird shit

pirate: first day with the the hook

I keep randomly shouting out ‘Broccoli’ and ‘Cauliflower’ – I think I might have florets!




Last Edited by The Gent on 02/27/2021 03:24 PM

how do you get down off of an elephant

you don't

you get down off of a duck or goose