i do not want to be happy in hell, i want to be happy in paradise

i do not want to be happy/amused and feel pleasure, while i actually live in hell
and while my enemies are living in paradise
i want to be happy happy/amused and feel pleasure while i am living in paradise or at-least while i am out of hell
and while my enemies are living in hell

sometimes reality around me want me to be in pain and deprivation, but some other times reality let me -or help me- to feel pleasure
there are different sides of reality, some sides are evil to me, some are less evil, some can be good to me
but they all united as one single reality

and at all times, it seem that this one single reality always want to keep me living in the hell of poverty, deprivation, alienation, loneliness, social-contempt, forced-corruption, magical- mutation, humiliation, confusion/uncertainty
while being cuckolded and surrounded by my enemies that live in paradise enjoying the money they took from me by their scams, intimidation and their biased unjust laws
and while being accused by everyone that i deserve/choose this hell and this corruption

if reality let me or helped me to feel pleasure, it do this while forcing me to stay in hell
it do this so it can say that i am not in hell and to drug/pacify/calm me with pleasure so i stop searching for away to punish/destroy reality and get myself out of hell

by "reality" i mean humans, their world and the entities that puppeteer them

my enemies that control my life/reality, rule my world/country, and besiege me, keep me living in hell by their way of life/thinking, their noises, scams, contempt, threats, psychological attacks, psychical assaults, mockery, surveillance, laws, etc

this hell has corrupted/damaged my mind and my psyche, but despite this obvious fact, everyone in the world are all Certain that that i am the one that want/choose/deserve that my mind and my psyche become damaged/corrupted, i do not understand how they all believe this bullshit

i can't find any solution to this but to stay away from danger and from the traps of my enemies
and to try to cleanse the forced-corruption and fix the mental damage as i can with my limited knowledge/abilities and as my enemies and their reality may allow me
but they always hit me with troubles or with psychological-attack every time i start to finish fixing/cleansing myself
like by treating me with humiliating/scary pity/contempt/anger/hatred or call me and treat me as gay/child/mentally-ill or call my sexual manhood/desire things like gayness/cuckoldness/feggoty/sexual-harassment/pedophilia/Deba​uchery
they strategically time their attacks in the moment i start to reach the safe shore, so they push me to drown in corruption again

there are other less realistic but better solutions that will surely make me win -in no time- against corruption and against my enemies, instead of having to wast my life in hell trying to get out and trying to fix/cleanse myself from the damage that this hell do to me
like maybe someone, that can be human, non-human or a god, may interfere in this and give me enough secured money to get me out of hell for the rest of my life!!
or like an apocalypse happen soon that kill everyone in short period of time, except me and people who are always good to me
i keep trying