So a half a lifetime ago I was a lost and disturbed youth like many of us were. No point of going over it now, but as such, I attempted suicide by taking a large quantity of over-the-counter medication.

I have spent the time since trying to extrapolate why I lived and pledged to just dredge on. Like it's all a test and at the end of it someone will go over the results with me.

Over the last 4 years or so, though, it has become more apparent to me that it wasn't a meet attempt. I did not survive and this is my punishment. To live. To watch the devolution of man into beast, for everything good to go away and to not be able to do a thing to stop it.

Strangely enough I've accepted this.
Deserve it too.

Sorry if this post has made any of you have an existential crisis.