A poem I wrote in 2012 (that doesn't suck?) that seems apropos for today

Bump if you agree that it's one of the few poems on GLP that doesn't suck...

Although it's pretty somber, if not morbid.

Great poem!

It's good, bro. Nice.

Ok, well not really nice, but a nicely done.

Thanks.. I wrote it with 2012 doom on my mind, but it seems to apply more today then back then.

Love the quotes in your sig!

Nice work

Seems like you predicted our future to a tee. There is a reason they make different flavors of ice cream, your style is not my cup of tea, but by your statement of "One of the few poems on GLP that doesn't suck".... certainly explains your stand. It makes a statement no doubt, but for me it is emotionless. No offense intended, although it might be different for you. It doesn't suck in my opinion... few valid attempts do.

Thanks for reading it and for your feedback.. It's one of my favorites of those I've written.

The ending was inspired by a dream I had that involved me and some of my immediate family members in the French Revolution being hunted; hiding in a wooden hut, then being burned alive. It was a very vivid dream.

I can see what you're saying, that it comes off lacking emotion, and may even 'feel' a little nihilistic.

5* Boaty. Is good indeed

I like this a lot. I think you should cut the last stanza as it is a reiteration and not needed at all.

I raise you a poem I wrote in 2012.

***************

A Song For The Dark At The End Of The World

The apocalypse is tomorrow,
December 21st 2012,
or so the Mayans say
and the forecast is for
freezing rain and ice
with the possibility
of thunderstorms,
and lightning
scratching
clawing
ripping
across the winter sky,
like Mother Nature
digging in with her talons
and beating her ragged wings,
muscles stretched
and torn,
hollow bones bent to breaking,
fighting for survival
against the relentless suck
of howling oblivion.

This is the fucking apocalypse we're talking about
if you believe in that sort of thing
which means that
after tomorrow
there are
no more tomorrows:
it's the last lap
of the ancient race
we have all been running
or swimming
or slithering
or crawling
or flying
ever since
He
let there
be light.

I'll have to think about removing the last stanza. I kind of I like it both ways... Maybe, I could make the last stanza the title the poem, instead of "Maybe".

I like your 2012 apocalypse poem. It's sort of prosaic and sort of conversational. I think "digging in with her talons" should be "digging with her talons". I somewhat question how you break through the fourth wall with the first three lines at the beginning of your second stanza.

I love the ending

Last Edited by BoatyMcBoatface on 09/13/2021 07:55 PM

Have at it!

Thread: Writers of GLP: post the best poem you have ever written! [CONTEST for 1 month full subscription] ~1 day left

I like it. It inspires thought and forces you to feel what you'd rather not face.

Does that make sense?

Does it make you feel anything at all really? Another commentor suggested there was no feeling in it, which I kind of agree with.

I like the last stanza of Maybe as a terse, dire summation. From a fellow scribbler of prosodic bent, I salute both efforts.

Last Edited by Stratton-Marshall on 09/13/2021 09:22 PM

Wow Boaty, that's dark but very emotional and powerful.

Who knew our Boaty was a poet?

Good work!

Great job. I like the Mobius twist.

ok...now show us the poem that doesn't suck.

I will but first wake your mother up.

Late Fall

Two days ago the ground was barren, brown
surrounded evergreens of life like pews
seclude the praying; undone chores infuse
the view, in beauties absence they had grown.
Then, hardly warned, change came , soon snowfall coned
all open to its touch, sublime bestowed
the draw of eyes from melodies too toned
by fall, they rose to brilliance; birch bows bode:
late season gifts of future drifted woes
from old. Now, presents melt to meet the past
lifts winters cold to come, much less blast
for those who must await times march; winds blow

the Autumn leaves like Summer, put to shame.
I see the end of me, no worse, its blame.


Analyze that

Added a “the”

Very cool beans, Boaty.

I like it.

Thank you for sharing.

Another steaming floater
From the bloated boater

Maybe Yes, Maybe No, Maybe........

Yes, it does. Technically, the thoughts and images it suggests cause the feeling.