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The female masturbation conspiracy

 
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 71275096
United States
10/24/2021 08:40 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
Masturbating women are one of the keys to world peace.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77401676
Netherlands
10/25/2021 06:21 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
Masturbating women are one of the keys to world peace.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 71275096


popcorn
Anonymous Coward
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Netherlands
10/25/2021 06:23 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
I lived in a really shitty apartment block for a couple of years and found that they all had the same vent system that allowed anyone to quite easily see into the bathrooms of all the units.
After my curiosity got the better of me I made a point of figuring out who was where and pretty soon I was in peepers paradise.
After a couple of hit and miss sessions I hit the jackpot in no less than 5 units and over a period of around 13 months I witnessed the same women going at it multiple times.
Some were into very strange techniques and I wont go into too much detail but let's just say a pet was included.
I'd see these same freaks sometimes on my way up or down and i never said a word but I sure as hell did smile to myself.
Crazy days long gone but the memories are forever.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 75782724


spock
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 75782724


Heres some news for you men.We dont need you to have fun and we have cats for a reason coz theyre better at a lot of things than you are so get over it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 78281463


hiding
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 6036532
United States
10/25/2021 06:24 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
honesty gets respect

if youre feelings are hurt

its because you are not truthful

and you got problems

emotional problems

you need to work them out
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77401676
Netherlands
10/25/2021 06:25 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
So far "grappling the groundhog" and "trashing the taco" are 2 of my favorites, but I must admit I have only read this thread 6 times
 Quoting: gsonFIT


For old worn out bats it's 'bashing the buzzard' or 'rumbling the roadkill'. Ya know, when their shit looks like a hedgehog with the guts knocked out.

cruise
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77401676
Netherlands
10/25/2021 06:27 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
best post evah
 Quoting: gsonFIT


By the looks of the votes id say it is so I'm going to make it my life's work to bump this to infinity and expose the greatest conspiracy ever
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77401676
Netherlands
10/25/2021 06:32 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
Styx was right, too much time on their hands.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 69145249


Too much mung on their hands.

Ew!
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 80447722


hiding


Mention their favorite passtime and the response is usually 'ew, gross'.
Be the invisible man for a month and you'd see just how 'ew gross' doesn't mean a thing when they're mangling the minge.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 76693768


So what do you think of a person who has no desire for sex or masturbation. And no sexual thought at all in their mind?
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 78051634


Good liars.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 75953087
United States
10/25/2021 06:37 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
They have multiple dildo's that never go soft. Why even have a boyfriend?

Ohh yea, for money...
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77401676
Netherlands
10/25/2021 06:40 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
They have multiple dildo's that never go soft. Why even have a boyfriend?

Ohh yea, for money...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 75953087


fuckyeah5
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 75953087
United States
10/25/2021 06:44 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
Women also dont care about having a normal family. Instead they try to get pregnant by multiple men so they can get more child support from all of the daddies.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77401676
Netherlands
10/25/2021 06:53 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
Congratulations on your real GAY thread.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77316176


There is nothing gay about this. If a man doesn’t like a woman who masturbates then that’s gay ! lol
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16071706


What will be seen as gay is this bit of info that will at times drive women a little nuts and send guys into a frothing frenzy!

Women think only they have a pleasure hole. What they fail to understand is basic human anatomy which strangely has placed a very sensitive organ, the prostate gland right where it can be accessed pretty easily by the brave.
Any man who has figured this out is able to achieve orgasms which rival or even surpass those women can have.

I won't go into too much detail because the internet has all the info you need. And before you jum on the gay bandwagon think about this.
When you're beating your meat you're playing with a?
Dick.
Yep. If you say but it's my dick, then the same applies if you're banging your own ass.
Logic. Not a fave on glp but there ya go.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77086408
Canada
10/25/2021 07:04 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
Guys...

Never be fooled by the innocence of women. They are serial masturbators, and they ALL do it. A LOT.

There's no downside for them and if anything, a good orgasm or six at a time actually invigorates them whereas it totally depletes us.

For some strange reason they deny it (mostly), but the truth is they are at it every opportunity. Those who don't deny it and are open about their 'me time' are usually not as supportive of men having the same and think it's 'dirty' that men should stoop so low.

They've been conditioned to do this. They figure out their easure button VERY early on and don't give it a rest because unlike men, they don't have to.

So, just be aware that when you meet a woman be she young or old the chances are almost 100% that she's been at it within the last few hours. If she's a little on the thick side then it's a guarantee.

There's no such thing as 'No Flick' for chicks.
 Quoting: fonap 76693768
I've seen some fat ugly ones rubbing one out in a grocery store parking lot and grab a shopping cart when Theyre done to go shopping without washing their fishy sticky hands. Women are gross and disgusting creatures.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77401676
Netherlands
10/25/2021 07:12 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
Guys...

Never be fooled by the innocence of women. They are serial masturbators, and they ALL do it. A LOT.

There's no downside for them and if anything, a good orgasm or six at a time actually invigorates them whereas it totally depletes us.

For some strange reason they deny it (mostly), but the truth is they are at it every opportunity. Those who don't deny it and are open about their 'me time' are usually not as supportive of men having the same and think it's 'dirty' that men should stoop so low.

They've been conditioned to do this. They figure out their easure button VERY early on and don't give it a rest because unlike men, they don't have to.

So, just be aware that when you meet a woman be she young or old the chances are almost 100% that she's been at it within the last few hours. If she's a little on the thick side then it's a guarantee.

There's no such thing as 'No Flick' for chicks.
 Quoting: fonap 76693768
I've seen some fat ugly ones rubbing one out in a grocery store parking lot and grab a shopping cart when Theyre done to go shopping without washing their fishy sticky hands. Women are gross and disgusting creatures.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77086408


The fatter and uglier they are the more they squish the squid.
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 78878059
10/25/2021 07:22 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
A fat girl from high school was caught masturbating in the women’s room. She was like Italian or something and was so hairy that her fingers got tangled in her pubic hair and stuck. The nurse eventually had to go in the stall to help her and a female teacher rushed in after about five minutes with a pair of scissors. One of my wise guy friends told the teacher not to run with scissors
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77199436
Netherlands
10/25/2021 07:42 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
A fat girl from high school was caught masturbating in the women’s room. She was like Italian or something and was so hairy that her fingers got tangled in her pubic hair and stuck. The nurse eventually had to go in the stall to help her and a female teacher rushed in after about five minutes with a pair of scissors. One of my wise guy friends told the teacher not to run with scissors
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 78878059


glassesoff


jerkit
1r0n4n9el
Better run, better run faster than my spear

User ID: 80382464
United States
10/25/2021 09:07 AM

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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
A fat girl from high school was caught masturbating in the women’s room. She was like Italian or something and was so hairy that her fingers got tangled in her pubic hair and stuck. The nurse eventually had to go in the stall to help her and a female teacher rushed in after about five minutes with a pair of scissors. One of my wise guy friends told the teacher not to run with scissors
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 78878059


coolstory
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77199436
Netherlands
10/25/2021 10:40 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
A fat girl from high school was caught masturbating in the women’s room. She was like Italian or something and was so hairy that her fingers got tangled in her pubic hair and stuck. The nurse eventually had to go in the stall to help her and a female teacher rushed in after about five minutes with a pair of scissors. One of my wise guy friends told the teacher not to run with scissors
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 78878059


:coolstory:
 Quoting: 1r0n4n9el


Dunno, but you spend a lot of time on this thread...

banana2
1r0n4n9el
Better run, better run faster than my spear

User ID: 79983911
United States
10/25/2021 10:45 AM

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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
A fat girl from high school was caught masturbating in the women’s room. She was like Italian or something and was so hairy that her fingers got tangled in her pubic hair and stuck. The nurse eventually had to go in the stall to help her and a female teacher rushed in after about five minutes with a pair of scissors. One of my wise guy friends told the teacher not to run with scissors
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 78878059


coolstory
 Quoting: 1r0n4n9el


Dunno, but you spend a lot of time on this thread...

banana2
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77199436


The giggles… my friend, the giggles…


lmsilly
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77199436
Netherlands
10/25/2021 10:46 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
I wish more women would respond to this thread.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16071706


Women?
On glp?
cruise

And if there are, then bat
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 72416802
United States
10/25/2021 10:50 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
Guys...

Never be fooled by the innocence of women. They are serial masturbators, and they ALL do it. A LOT.

There's no downside for them and if anything, a good orgasm or six at a time actually invigorates them whereas it totally depletes us.

For some strange reason they deny it (mostly), but the truth is they are at it every opportunity. Those who don't deny it and are open about their 'me time' are usually not as supportive of men having the same and think it's 'dirty' that men should stoop so low.

They've been conditioned to do this. They figure out their easure button VERY early on and don't give it a rest because unlike men, they don't have to.

So, just be aware that when you meet a woman be she young or old the chances are almost 100% that she's been at it within the last few hours. If she's a little on the thick side then it's a guarantee.

There's no such thing as 'No Flick' for chicks.
 Quoting: fonap 76693768


They deny way more today than say, 20 years ago. Strangely enough, females talking about and admitting their masturbation play was less taboo in the 90s. Why?

I’ll tell you...

Well, there actually may be some truth to their denial of masturbation and orgasms in this day in age... a lot of it has to do with social media, loads of underserved attention that even the fugliest, fat chick is capable of getting, and most importantly, the astonishing availability of hooking up with mega Chads. Even basic bitch, plain Jane can lend a tryst, Hell even a relationship with a well-endowed, good looking Chad who can make her toes curl in seemingly impossibly directions and have her hypnotized with orgasm overload, so there really is no reason to masterbate these days. Chad is basically their walking dildo, their instant multi-orgasm machine, and he’s so easy for these women to get these days.

If not that, blame social media. Social media and the attention it provides is the new sex for women. Twitter and FB are the new maturation devices, the new orgasm delivery apps.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 80904084


hesright

Especially the bold part.

That explains why I haven’t gotten laid in 4 years now, and the last time was with an escort, a freakin paid hooker! My last actual relationship was about a decade ago, perhaps a bit longer. Ugh!

It’s ok though, doesn’t matter now. GLP is my new girlfriend! She’s always there for me. Always loyal, always delivers the goods.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 79234482


I’ve learned that escorts are just clockwatching fleshlights with a pulse. At least an authentic flashlight (or your hand) is not constantly watching the clock. It’s seriously better, safer and cheaper to wank it off than get a robotic hooker. No buyers remorse either.
 Quoting: Crusted Anal Lint


clappa
Chinaman

User ID: 77082211
United States
10/25/2021 10:54 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
Did you walk in on your mom again?
 Quoting: No Jab 4 Granny


Yeah, I walked in on your mom again. She said not to worry though bcoz you know she can't help herself.
I was cool with it.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 76693768


Did you screw her after that?
Chinaman
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 80603837
United States
10/25/2021 10:59 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
SEMEN RETENTION WEIGHT LOSS (MEN RETAIN SEMEN WOMEN LOSE WEIGHT!)

Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77176120
Netherlands
10/25/2021 11:06 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
SEMEN RETENTION WEIGHT LOSS (MEN RETAIN SEMEN WOMEN LOSE WEIGHT!)


 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 80603837


yoda
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77176120
Netherlands
10/25/2021 11:37 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
A fat girl from high school was caught masturbating in the women’s room. She was like Italian or something and was so hairy that her fingers got tangled in her pubic hair and stuck. The nurse eventually had to go in the stall to help her and a female teacher rushed in after about five minutes with a pair of scissors. One of my wise guy friends told the teacher not to run with scissors
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 78878059


:coolstory:
 Quoting: 1r0n4n9el


Dunno, but you spend a lot of time on this thread...

banana2
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77199436


The giggles… my friend, the giggles…


:lmsilly:
 Quoting: 1r0n4n9el


Of course! Like people who watch porn just to warn them of the dangers.

cruise
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 77176120
Netherlands
10/25/2021 11:39 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
Jaso caught me masturbating with a carrot. his first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”

nanni2
 Quoting: Wake up men


Love it !! You’re cool !
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16071706


She's a he. There is a she, but the bf, "Jaso" is the one posting.
It's easy to spot a real woman's posts, and this one's posts are obviously male.
Sisyphusrock

User ID: 79875786
United States
10/25/2021 11:42 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
What is " innocence " in this discussion ?
You never defined it . From the context I would assume a Chaste Monk ?
Or Nun ?
Sorry not my style to hook up with a Nun
I would hope that any woman I am with at my stage in the life cycle , already knows her body well
Also , while helping to heal and or curing a frigid woman , can be rewarding ... it takes time and effort .
I would like to her to have a healthy sex drive, and know herself .

Last Edited by Sisyphusrock on 10/25/2021 11:44 AM
“I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.”
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 81044117
United Kingdom
10/25/2021 11:43 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
So far "grappling the groundhog" and "trashing the taco" are 2 of my favorites, but I must admit I have only read this thread 6 times
 Quoting: gsonFIT


For old worn out bats it's 'bashing the buzzard' or 'rumbling the roadkill'. Ya know, when their shit looks like a hedgehog with the guts knocked out.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77401676
or a bacon sandwich cruise

'flickin tha bean' is one of my faves
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 81044117
United Kingdom
10/25/2021 11:44 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
Jaso caught me masturbating with a carrot. his first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”

nanni2
 Quoting: Wake up men


Love it !! You’re cool !
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 16071706


She's a he. There is a she, but the bf, "Jaso" is the one posting.
It's easy to spot a real woman's posts, and this one's posts are obviously male.
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77176120
use of the word "sweetie" is a give away
Sisyphusrock

User ID: 79875786
United States
10/25/2021 11:47 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
The tradition of kissing a womans hand comes from smelling where that hand has been....
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 80089159


Hahahahaha
“I am at the moment writing a lengthy indictment against our century. When my brain begins to reel from my literary labors, I make an occasional cheese dip.”
Anonymous Coward
User ID: 81048452
United States
10/25/2021 11:49 AM
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Re: The female masturbation conspiracy
They have multiple dildo's that never go soft. Why even have a boyfriend?

Ohh yea, for money...
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 75953087


fuckyeah5
 Quoting: Anonymous Coward 77401676


Idiots all of you. My boyfriend doesn't have a lot of money by any stretch, and nothing we do for fun really require it so go duck off with the gold digger BS again.

Yes women masturbate. Our hormones fluctuate like crazy and sometimes we do want to be penetrated but don't want the hassle of finding a real penis if we are single. Mostly I don't use a dildo. I own a few but I pull them out maybe twice a year? I do have a partner now and haven't used one since we met. Sometimes I've been really horny and needed to come a lot but other times I can go weeks without feeling anything down there. My boyfriend though, he spoons me and starts thrusting his hard member into me and that gets me going every time. But he's super sexy and fit and we are Scorpio (me) Pisces and sex is just unreal. Nothing beats real sex with someone you passionately love. Nothing.





GLP