What is wrong with me? Why Does this keep happening?

I didn't read it all because I'm lazy, but I love you.

The answer is within you. Read your own text as if it was someone else's text. Godspeed!

OP,

I could be wrong, but I think that most people avoid other people who project a strong "need-to-be-loved-by-you-in-order-to-love-myself" affect. Conversely, humans are drawn to other human beings that are satisfied and happy with themselves.

For instance, I know that I am not capable of making another person happy all the time. So to carry the burden of someone who's happiness depends on me loving them is too heavy of a burden. I want to love someone who loves themself with or without my attention. I want to be with someone who has interests, joy, plans and projects that have nothing to do with me, so that I do not have to carry the weight of making them feel fulfilled and happy. Then, I want to bring alongside of that person my own self-confidence, love, interests, plans, etc. . .

Maybe try to win your own love first - learn to love and respect yourself. Find interests and pursuits that satisfy you deeply. Then look for an in-real-life encounter (not twitter) with someone that has interests that inspire you too.

Sea kelp. I mean, seek help. This is going to sound derogative. But do you want me to give it to you nice and sweet? Or real?

You come from a very fucked up family. Your idea of love was taught to you (environmental) by people who are severely fucked up. Your perspective on everything is severely fucked up. Just the fact that you put so much stock in gaining validation makes it obvious. You entered this world with a shitload of baggage and you're so deep into it that you'll never be able to see it without intense therapy or hitting rock bottom from a substance addiction. But you have to take the first step. No one here is going to be able to shed much light on your situation because there is just not enough room in a text box to get into it. Your therapy is going to be extremely painful. You do have the ability to get to the other side of it. but it's going to take time and pain. I wouldn't be surprised if there is a lot of repression that would also take intense hypnotherapy to get through, or at least for you to remember it. Repressed things have a profound effect on your psyche and your perspective. I've been through it. It's not going to be fun. But the good thing about seeing a therapist is that you have their undivided attention for the time you are in session. Use it wisely. Share and shed everything. It will make a difference.

Stop looking for validation outside of yourself. Don't worry about making friends or having lovers or any of that nonsense. Until you can live with yourself and love yourself, none of that will ever truly matter. Spend a year focusing inward. Nothing is wrong with you.

Just like your mom should have used the vacuum.

Stop trying to please people.

These days, I think most men just assume women are lunatic liberals. That and they don't want to deal with custody battles and child support.

Except OP called themselves a 'bastard'. He/she maybe?

It seems like you’re overthinking things and trying too hard - and that can come across as insincere and make people uncomfortable.

Is it possible you might be autistic? There’s some YouTube channels dedicated to female autism that might be helpful.

Just know that you’re not alone. Most people can identify with what you’ve gone through, how you feel, and the trying too hard part. It’s part of the human experience.

Have you ever had a dog for a pet?

Get the fuck off of social media! It has no connection to reality. Get out in the world and meet real people. Be prepared to deal with rejection, but learn from your experiences.

You're here. Doesn't that make you smarter than them?

You are so correct... in describing a strong and healthy relationship, but not everyone is that strong in the modern world, also the extreme of what you describe can be a problem because if one loves his own life (interests, joys, plans..) to the point of obsession, he becomes a narcissistic isolate, becomes unapproachable and incompatible with any kind of relationship, also don't forget that showing vulnerability is an invitation to "play" and communicate - ever see a cat or dog lay on it's back (exposing it's belly)? it is so that the other party would come closer and initiate play. I think today people crave "play" much more than solid relationships or the Eros (sensual love) derived from them.

.

And to the ones I quoted above, thank you for your respectful and kind responses. I think I have to realize that in today's world, if you have a nice, kind, caring heart, you aren't going to be accepted, because the world has grown SO corrupt and sinful, whereas what's mean and evil is good and what's good, kind and caring is bad. People don't give a damn about people anymore because 99.99% of the world has been vaccinated with the mark of the beast to be absolutely callous, cold and evil and uncaring. After posting my OP, I sat and thought quietly about what I posted and that's what I came to.

If you're against the evilness and brainwashing that the Illuminati is pushing out, if you're all about truthfulness and purity and if you have a high vibrational heart and mind, you're going to be disliked and hated. Just like 'Jesus' was. This world is all about suffering so the archons can get fed, they feed off of suffering and pain and rejection, which is why a lot of us, like myself going through a cycle of suffering, pain and rejection, because this is a low vibrational planet. This is an ILlusionary hell matrix and as long as me and people like me are in it, we're going to suffer until we get the fuck up out of the matrix.

So that's what I realized since posting my OP on here.

Get off social media and get OUTSIDE. Find somewhere out in nature - near a lake / stream - and hike where there are not a lot of people. You are going to be ok. I like the Oakland/Berkeley Hills (San Francisco bay area). Don't believe everything you read about California. See you in the forest! I bet we would be friends (if we ever met). The botanical gardens are worth seeing (near UC Berkeley) - also Tilden Park.

Last Edited by ruser on 11/30/2021 12:16 AM

Not trying to offend you, but you sound a little... over-invested in the "conspiracy world" to the point that I don't know if you are being sincere or just trolling.

And you aren't getting out of any "Matrix" anytime soon.
- you can read this for some clarifications:
[link to godlike.com (secure)]

OP sorry to hear about all this, I would suggest some sort of online dating if you are looking for a man. I believe there is a pot for every lid.

In terms of finding friends, use meetup groups to find people who like whatever it is that you like, be that hiking, or knitting, or politics, or whatever.

Get involved in something, and use online only as a way to find something that is real, in real life. Because all this online stuff is BS....

First off, there is nothing wrong with you per say.

Technically we are all under various curses, one being our current fallen state, generational curses, and curses from evil people.

You seem to have a loving and caring heart and that is contrary to this world system, which I will simply call babylon/mitzrayim/nwo. This system has been around since the earth was forfeited, and sin/death reigned.

GOOD NEWS, Yeshua restores us and removes all curses. His death, burial, and resurrection are proof that we too shall rise in the end.

Things will ONLY get worse as we get towards the end of babylon/mitzrayim/nwo.

Cry out to GOD for help, call on the Name of YeHoVaH and trust in Yeshua Mashiyach of Netzaret.

I wish you all the best and if you need any help or prayers, just let me know.

Shalom...

Eliyah

Be haughty and a bit of a bitch. People want what they can't have or they want and "upgrade". So be "above" aloof, haughty and "boss girl". Don't be nice, kind, considerate, polite. People in general are pure crap, so stop treating them like gold. Kick the shit around and someone will come up smelling like a rose. But be like a rock. Always look good, clean and someone to be envied.......best revenge.....

That is actually a very kind thing to say!

Whats wrong is you don't value yourself correctly, so you seek value from other people who don't value you correctly either.

You are made by the creator of the universe in his image, you, and all other people, have more value than anything else created in existence, beyond all measure.

Seek the one from whom your true value comes, ask him to show you who you are and who he is.

Blimey!

You sound like a fantastic person, only with a slightly skewed "philosophy" of most humans.

I was there, I get it. I mean this sincerely.

Start with work on studying codependency. It will give you an entirely different view of yourself.

Once you have some familiarity with the topic, try this site, it's terrific.

[link to sharischreiber.com (secure)]

Always, always, always keep working on yourself going forward.

Good luck and God bless.

Pray op pray

"the Bible says..."

There's your problem right there.

You're not your own person.

To the best of my ability, I shall try and remove your curse. You sound like a decent person if, perhaps, a little bit too gung-ho. 'Nice' isn't valued in our society(s) very much, if at all. You become a doormat. Anyhow, I see many correlations between your life and mine. And in my experience, many other peoples lives. Wanting to reach out and connect only to be shut out, and shut down. Keep striving. Don't just pray, become prayer. Don't just love, become Love. Since you are on that path anyhow, reach for the unreachable Agape. God Bless.

OP, all of us have issues depending on our lot in life.
Just remember this, the things that you have gone through are going to allow you to get through what's coming up (assuming you're not vaxxed). You've gone through your own hell, and have survived. Your kind are going to get through the next few years intact. You've got what it takes, girl. Don't discount yourself!

OP,
There's good advice in here, especially the therapy.
Look into somatic healing because you def have abandonment trauma.
I have it myself and have been on the healing journey.

Also, if you want to speed up the healing journey, try working with psychedelics. They'll open up some deep areas you may not be aware of in your subconscious and cellular memory. It'll explain a lot and why you do the things you do.

Always remember. You Are Worthy.

Peace and love be with you.

Okay, I read it.

I feel for you, b ut it's going to get exponentially more difficult to land "disney prince" tier men at your age.

You must consider that older high-quality males have their pick of all of the younger, more fertile women.

Women reach their peak-sexual market value between 18-22 (fertility/attractiveness).

Men, not until around 50 (material wealth).

Historically, women traded sexual access for material resources, and older men simply have more material resources than young men do.

With online dating, young women now have access to a much larger group of older men than in the past, leaving young men behind in order to date upward in age to gain access to more resources.

This is why young men are going sexless at far higher rates than in the past...all coinciding with the advent of Tinder.

Back to you... You aren't cursed. Maybe consider lowering your standards or expectations in life, and stop comparing yourself to characters in films, famous people, etc., you did that a few times in your wall of text.

Just going on a vibe level, it sounds like you may be putting off a needy/desperate vibe and that NEVER plays well.

Probably not the answer you are hoping to hear, but it's reality.

Good luck and keep going.

:jay: